I was so done after this veteran was full of crap when I dated him. I even went out of my way to get transportation to see him. That’s how much I cared. He told me he was in love with me and other sweet things. I get too caught up in words. They mean nothing. After seeing him and not hearing from him, I went on the dating site and told him off. I told him I hope someone breaks his heart. He said he couldn’t find my number, but he could have easily found me on the dating site like I found him. […]
Graphics went okay, I guess. It turns out they’ve extended the deadline to next Monday, and my tutor didn’t see my lack of work as she was busy.
However, the morning was unbearable. I was in college no less than 15 minutes when I started to have another ‘episode’, for lack of a better word. Thankfully, it only lasted roughly 3 hours. I see my doctor tomorrow morning, first thing. And I’m debating on whether to tell him about what happened today.
I can’t remember most of it, but I vaguely remember believing everyone in college were robots and were part of a plan to attack me […]
I’ve never used a website like this before, i have been struggling with my emotions for as long as i remember. Tonight was the first time i have cut in four years. I currently do not want to leave my bed. But i probably will leave it and lay on thr floor. All of this i have done as a punishment to myself for hurting someone that I love. I deserve this emotional turmoil I feel. I deserve the tears in my skin and the empty feeling in my chest… I will not eat tomorrow. I don’t deserve to be comfortable. Why am I punishing […]
Today at work it is a casual attire day, so I wore my To Be or Not To Be soliloquy sweater. We had a client come in and our receptionist is on holiday, so I am the backup, and I am to greet and take care of the few clients that come in on New Years Eve. They saw my sweater and proceeded to ask if I had it memorized.
Is that the point of it, though? To be simply memorized? To be able to vomit up the words upon request? Why not ask me what it means? Why doesn’t the real point of it matter? […]
got to wake up at six this morning to feed the baby. as he fell asleep i’ve noticed that today is the last day of 2015 and it got me thinking what i’ve been through this year. i remember the last day of 2014. i sat on top of the roof and had the same exact thoughts. i remember watching the sun set and thinking the next time i’ll see it it will be 2015. in the evening i ordered a whole tray of pizza for myself and watched “the exorcist” as the clock passed midnight.
in january i moved from my parents’ house for the […]
So I’m back… It’s been over a year since my last post and at the current moment I’m not really suicidal. I’m just in pain and I’m scared. There’s a girl I used to be good friends with and she was kinda like my therapist and now we don’t talk. Over the past year my emotions have built up and now they’re starting to be released… Violently. And I’m scared. There’s a girl I wanna ask out but if she says yes, what if I accidentally go off on her? I don’t want to hurt her. I really like her. I’m just scared […]
so, i’m new here. (duh) i have had mental health issues since as far back as i can remember. (i am 30 years old) i never recieved any treatment for any of it until i was 16. between 16 and 18 i was in and out of the adolescent psych ward. as an adult i’ve been able to talk myself out of being placed inpatient all except for once. i’ve been in multiple programs (partial hospitalization programs, intensive outpatient programs, outpatient groups, –for an eating disorder and others for depression\anxiety– and of course individual therapy) and the groups helped…as long as i was in them. […]
I’m only fourteen, closing up on fifteen in April. I’ve got my whole damn life ahead of me and countless near-death experiences and suicide attempts have gotten me nothing BUT treatment. This is the first time I’m relapsing – not because it’s new, but because recently (earlier this year) is the first time I’d gotten treatment. You see, my depression and anxiety had been with me since birth. I never had a broken home or anything, the closest thing I had was a few bullies at school that made fun of me for talking to myself and having strange behavior. I was an extremely delusional […]
Yours truly: Hey! Everybody shut up for a second!
rocketman: No you shut up!
Moi: Who gave him alcohol? Goddammit! Was it you Hazy?
Hazy just gives thelost a sly look that clearly admits her guilt
Hazy: Certainly not me!
Myself: Uh-huh, I’m sure. Either way, I have something to say folks! It’s Christmas soon, and it’s a special time for me, even though I may not necessarily be Christian. Christmas is about seeing those you love and miss, and there’s nobody I’d rather spend it with.
rocketman: (slurring slightly) I love you too man!
Me: Good for you buddy! Now, to seal the Christmas spirit I thought we’d have Hazy perform […]
This time of the year is literally so hard. It is hard for me to concentrate. I hate making excuses for myself but I just try to close up this time of year. Daddy has been gone for three years now and it doesn’t get any easier. I miss him so much. There are so many anniversaries this time of year. Nov. 29th, 2012, the day I had to call the cops on my own mother because she tried to fight me in the street. Nov. 30th, 2012, the day my daddy died in my arms. Dec. 8th, 2012, the day I planned, all by […]
Hello beauitful pple and all of you are 🙂 sorry i have not been on to post just been really busy with shoping for xmas my gosh i always get a headach when i go to the mall how do i post a youtube vid on my post ? And that is it for now i hope you all have a great night and always remember your beauitul in and out
Hazy, remember when you said I should die my hair pink?? Well this happened tonight and I LOVE it. It’s not pink but it is so me! I actually feel really good! Thank you for being such a good person 🙂 you really do make a difference. Now I am sitting back and waiting on the backlash.
hi my name is magnus i have went with depression being socially out and much more today i have gotten help but i feel that a childhood were i dont remember much else than a few good birthdays here and there othervise just alone bullied and allways fighting the other kids in constant paranoia when i was 8 to 10 years old had anger mannegement issues and all but after a depression i today at the age of 17 only just started at the age of 15 to feel happy and free from depression my doctors and parrents say that i prolly did not really […]
I’ve wanted to die for as long as j can remember. I’m 29 and can remember wanting to. I’ve had so many opportunities but am too much of a ***** to pull he trigger, jump, take the pills, ect. And believe me, I want to do it. I just can’t. Hopefully the exit bag will help. Just gotta make it. (I just found this site which lead me to the discovery of the bag)
who else has trouble reaching out to people about their issues?
sometimes i think i’m ready to reach out and get help. then i remember all the times i tried to do so and was burned – like when my sister called my cutting ‘stupid’, when i tried to approach the subject with a school counselor and was ignored, not counting all the times i was told to just be grateful for what i have, or to ‘just get over it’. or my favorite; ‘do something about it then’.
they tell us if we’re feeling bad to talk to someone about it… what if no one wants […]
i guess it’ve been a while since i last posted you know ..
i’ve been away in trying to reach the one inside of me , my soul , my inner thoughts and such stuff looking for inside peace … im not saying i’ve reached it though ! jaja ..
all i got to these weeks is that i am really beautiful somehow .. and to always remind myself to love it ..
when i ever don’t know what to do ,, i’d just do nothing .. stick up to good thoughts , enjoy everything that i could .. and i don’t know […]
Hi.
Like many others here I have suicidal thoughts but I am not depressed. I don’t think they have to go hand in hand. Even though, I have experienced depression about 5 years ago severly and on -off 3 years at least after that. But now it is as if I don’t remember it anymore.
I feel numb. This spring 2015 I experienced psychosis during which I burned my life to the ground. (Figuratively). I quit university, threw away everything I had, lost friends and over all sense of direction. I did some more crazy stuff and ended up in a […]
I want to die but I can’t die.It will destroy my family, what’s left from it. I don’t see a point in living this life. My atheist beliefs destroyed me, it’s like what can be better than going into the nothingness you came from or search for the unknown. Sadly, I am a person that has a big IQ . And persons with high intelligence tend more to go insane. My experiences in life turned me to believe in nothing, somehow deep down I still hope for something but what can be better than eternal tranquility? I also suffered from anxiety and depression and with […]
i am sick of loving people i will never have. it’s making me go insane. i need somebody that i like to like me back, for once. they never like me back. it’s always been like this, as long as i can remember.
Suicide, can it ever leave my thoughts? Death and life go hand in hand. The only certainties I can count on. This life just seems more like death…and death more like the life I want, numb, unmoving, still, silent. Beautiful Nothingness. Keaton Henson-I’m going down this ship, and I most likely will drown, but it’s worth it, it’s worth it. I’m 19 now, been thinking of this ever since I can remember. I don’t fit here, I don’t belong in this world. I am in unrecognizable pain, hiding behind a facade. I didn’t feel anything. Is this real. Is this what I hoped for. My […]