Its midnight. I’m sitting in the corner, wrapped in a blanket, trying not to cry my eyes out over nothing. Just because everyone else I know is happy, healthy, and in love is not a reason to cut. Just because I’m the only one who is fucked up isn’t a reason either. I love my family, I sometimes love my friends, but right now I don’t love me. And right now, I don’t think I’ll ever love myself. I’m worthless. Everyone else can figure their lives out, and I can’t. I will be forever in this frozen hell of self loathing
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So today my cousin told me that my mentor told her dad ALL the things I told her, IN CONFIDENCE. So that includes me taking pain pills, me cutting myself, me being molested when I was little. All the stuff that’s going on in my home life. She had no right! I am so sad/angry/upset, I don’t know what to feel right now. I told her I had trust issues because other teachers/mentors have betrayed me in the past, and she told me it was between me and her. And then she does this! And what makes it worse was I saw her today and […]
Hey all,
I found this site after I googled mania and how to sleep. Obviously nothing I found helped cause I’ve been reading posts all night.
I wanted to share my suicide experience and hopefully change someones mind or help them see the point in struggling and fighting through life. I have shared a lot about myself and feel comfortable with what I have divulged. Maybe my experiences are similar or maybe they shed light on mental illness and how it affects yourself and others. Maybe what I have confessed will give you the courage to speak openly with your friends and family and seek help […]
I feel bad right now.. I keep doing bad things, but suddenly sometimes I get a moment of clear mind, I feel guilty from what I’ve done. But later on when my mind is hazy, I’ll start doing those bad things again.. The hell is wrong with my brain. I don’t want to do it yet here I am. I hate my own self. I hate my own indecisiveness. I gradually become worsen, am I not? I need to maintain my good side for the sake of my family and friends, while in an other side, I practically became darker and darker. T-T how should […]
Will it ever end? Will it ever stop? I have so many questions and no answers for any of them. I have no idea what anyone else reality is but i can tell you for sure that mine is shit. I have absolutely nothing to stand on, no foundation or stable ground that I can always rely upon for safety or otherwise. Does anyone know what i am talking about?
I seem to chase away everyone that I love because I am so tired of hurting them all of the time. Every emotion that I have comes across as angry, even when I am hurt […]
I really want to end to end my life right now. I have no friends at school , my parents don’t even like me and now I can’t atop cutting.. ..please help me ????
so I’ve been thinking about going on disability for a while, until I can get my shit together. I’m going to be 21 in a few months…and because I don’t have a job, all my help will come to a halt. And God knows if that happens I’m lost for good. And I can’t handle a lot right now. I get overwhelmed very easily. Just thinking about going on disability for a while makes me feel even more incapable then I already do.
On a different note…
Has anyone considered suicide by cop? I’ve been thinking about it.
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
Hi guys. Today’s been a rough day. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m almost one-year self harm free, but today I almost lost. I was at my choir concert, and I was sad, I’ve been struggling with my depression for a week. But after our performance it was like all my energy was gone and before I even knew what was happening I had my hair clip out of my hair and right against my arm. I almost did it. I don’t know why. I was able to stop myself. But I just wondered if you guys had any theories about why […]
I have no reason to lie. I’m not a liar…never been good at it. I’m a good man. Everyone I’ve met I’ve helped and loved but I’ve been treated really really badly all my life. I’m 53 and from the moment I was born and my physically and psychologically violent father trashed me, to sexual abuse from another family member, to cancer at 17yrs old, to 3 near death experiences, to disability, to 8 abusive relationships (that totally broke me), to 3 suicide attempts, self harm and the list is actually over 50 separate life changing events I can no longer live. I’m broken now…I […]
Dear Mom,
No, I am not yet trying to commit suicide. Just not yet. Not here. Not in this winter. If I do it, I’ll do it right. I’ll do it at home. Our home. Our real home. Not here. So, chill, I’m still alive. Isn’t that explained why this post is called pre-suicide notes? Hah. I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry for being a failure. I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m sorry I’ve been so wasted in this world. I’m sorry that I’m being like this. No, you did nothing wrong, mom. You’ve been a great mom. Yes you are. It is just me. I’m thinking […]
Its like, things were all right and when the best times were yet to come, things went to the worst. Lost my one and only. Everyday waking up hoping that things would at least be better this day, while i end up in my bed crying in the night regretting and wanting a rewind button in my hand to fix things and make it as perfect and beautiful like it was. Now just the though of dying, depression, hopeless…….flows through my mind.
Now, wanting things to get better are only wishes that i can make everyday, when a cold and sad shooting star passes by. My […]
Sometimes music is the only thing that calms me down. I played and recorded every sound on this track except the drums…I know there is a lot to do on it, but it feels good to actually be creative. I miss that. I don’t usually play a whole lot with distortion, but today, it felt right.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Distortion.m4a
Question: If no one is here to save me from the demons, and supposedly I can’t rely on others am I all alone?
I have fought the monster in my head called depression for so long. I am sorry that people have tried to save me and that it wasn’t enough. I am trying to restrain myself from the pills that sit next to me on the table. All of those medications that tried to make me better, THEY DID NOT WORK. The depression has worsened, I fake a smile and try to be anyone but the fucked up, messed up, person I am. I seem […]
i’m drifting away from my life and i don’t fucking care that i’m drunk at 2 in the morning on a school night again because i don’t even panic about this anymore and why should i? people are more surprised if i’m at school for once than if i’m away for a week. i can’t throw up anymore because i don’t eat and if i try to vomit i just end up coughing up blood and mucus. i just want to be perfect and clean and being perfect by my own standards is all that concerns me now. it makes no sense because i’ve only […]
A man wakes up one Sunday morning drinks his routine cup of coffee, eats breakfast, and finds himself compelled to visit his local church. He hasn’t been to church in over ten years but for some reason feels compelled to go for some strange reason. This is odd because he is deathly afraid to step foot in a church because he simply fears the awkward confrontation he knows will happen. In some ways this fear stems from feelings of guilt for leading an average life stewed with simple guilty pleasures like infidelity and casual substance abuse. Mostly he fears atoning for what he feels the […]
Some day I will be able to:
Be free
Live on my own
Be who I want to be
Live far away from my mom
Be happy?
Let’s be real, I will never be happy. I can never be free because I am trapped to my mentally ill mother. I am all alone. My stomach is in knots and I can’t seem to stop the anxiety and the emotions that come with the thought of killing myself. I will never be able to “stomach” the situation that for the last 16 years I have been put through. My life is never going to change. I am trying to do the best […]
I remember when I first started posting here, I was lost, very depressed, and lonely. I always thought, “I am not going anywhere in life. I just want to turn 20, live on my own, and kill myself!” After being on here for a while I started to feel a bit happier, soon after I began therapy and started to fell more happy, more confident, less lonely, I started being more hopeful about the future and had plans for what I want to do. But here I am again, a few months later and I am back to being depressed, I have isolated myself and […]
Hear I am. Stuck in the same fucking place. Repeating the same fucking task. Doing the same thing over and over again just so that I can blend in with the rest of the world and maybe just maybe I can be happy some day. I don’t know if I will ever be happy. I’m to fat, To stupid, and to emotionally in stable to do anything right. I’m diegnosed Ana and chronicly depressed. I just hate. Living, who made suicide wrong, aren’t we all jusrpt engineering ways to make like suck slightly less, why do we all choose to live in a world that […]
Im so angry and frustrated right now. Why me? Why has this been my life? I never asked for any of this. Those were my thoughts and feelings for some time. I was angry at god. I was angry at the world. I was angry at my parents for the childhood I was robbed of and the issues I got because of it. Not anymore though. My anger or frustration is all directed inward now.
Why cant I get better? Why cant I get past my childhood? Why cant I let go of all the pain and hurt that haunts my every thought? Im not a […]