My mind is eating me. Sadness, anger, envy, loneliness, hate, self-loath, jealousy, shyness, sense of failure and other shitty feelings packed in one mind. I fcking hate times like this when I get depressed for no particular reason. I can’t seem to know the reason why but fck this. I try to do things to keep myself from being like this but even playing video games-the one thing that never fails to keep my mind straight- is failing. Had been feeling like this for I dunno maybe a month or two but back then it was just mild. Right now, I really think my mind […]
Tag:
Sadness
Yes, the actual Earth is beautiful, blah, blah, blah… That’s like telling a maid she should be thrilled busting her back, because she gets to work in somebody else’s big mansion, everyday.
Anybody else want to kill themselves, not just because they’re depressed, but because they think the whole process of human life is shitty? The whole process of being a human, everyday, is just unbearably dull?
I’ve been depressed, before. This time, it’s different. This time, I’m just sick of this crap. It goes far beyond a feeling of simple boredom, just as depression goes far beyond a feeling of being simply sad.
I’m speaking of the […]
I feel like I’ve tried everything and while sitting here at lowest actually LOOKING UP WAYS TO KILL MYSELF, I stumble upon this site.
And it’s like a whole new world opens up to me. For the past week and ever since 2007, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and the possibility of being severely depressed (I won’t self-diagnose myself but that’s the only way I can describe the way I feel). I’ve always been afraid to try and seek professional help mainly because I never thought I could pay for it. Now in my early 20’s, I have a full-time job and I’m STILL scared to […]
For the past 6 or 7 months, I’ve been waking up from bad dreams with a pain and sadness in my chest.
On occasion, I’m even lucky enough to be jolted awake by sobs.
I used to rarely remember my dreams, but now they all feel very real. Sometimes I can’t even tell what was a dream and what wasn’t, so I have to ask my mom if an event actually happened, just to be sure.
Most of the dreams I remember nowadays are very upsetting. Last night, I dreamed I was chatting with an old friend from uni, and we were having a great time, but slowly […]
(….all of the words I wish I could say….)
My dearest,
I know you will never see this, however, I have to get this off my chest. I can pretend for a little while, at least for a fleeting moment, that you’ll see this note and your sea blue eyes will look on my words. I can dream, anyway– even if I have not slept for two days, I can day dream that you will read this. I can pretend you’re here, and that this nightmare that has become life never began.
This nightmare used to be a story of friendship and love, but it is now something […]
Yesterday I went to a party with some close friends. The party ended up being at an apartment complex on the sixth floor. The night went on and things were fun for a while, but then it was like something inside me snapped, or changed. I couldn’t breathe, I felt warm, and I got blotchy and flushed. I went outside onto the balcony. Once I closed the sliding door, I felt so alone. I’m scared of heights, but for some reason I went and leaned over on the railing. Instead of panicking like I usually do when so high up, I stayed and looked down. […]
I know that what I’m feeling isn’t normal anymore. I look around and all I see are happy face in such an unfamiliar town. I desperately want to go home, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents just because I felt unhappy. I hear laughter,gossip, and everyone going out and having a great time. Everyone says college is suppose to be exciting, fun, full of endless friendships and adventure. So far all it’s been for me is crying, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling to be home.
I’ve caved into my depression when I’m here at school, I welcome it like the only friend I have. […]
Ive been struggling, struggling so much. Having no one to turn to is becoming a routine. Im almost accustomed to it really. I don’t even expect people to text/call me anymore. I don’t expect anything from anyone, and i never will honestly. Once you make a few mistakes, you’re labeled at “attention seeking”, crazy, bipolar, depressed. Ive only been home for a few months now, I was locked up for eight months, going through hell and then some. I guess you can say things fell apart completely after my sister committed suicide almost five years ago. I guess the problem was I was so young, […]
I remember feeling from a very early age like I didn’t belong anywhere. I always felt like the black sheep in my family and I was always pretty shy so making friends wasn’t really a strong suit.
I started getting depressed when I was about 12 years old. I had a teacher who I usually went to when I was having a bad day because I knew no one else would listen. I was having trouble fitting in when I was in middle school. I tried to fit in with all different groups of people but I never really clicked anywhere. In […]
One day, the other woman entered the life of a family of four. She never looked like a good friend, she always looked like a threat. She was smart and well mannered. The other woman initiated her dirty plan, no matter what, she will win the love and destroy the family. She spent long hours at job, with her flirt and her kit of attraction, showing her perfection and invading the time of four.
Mision accomplish! The other woman infiltrated the life of four, she calumniated, she manipulated, she used all the invisible tools. She played the game and she won. She made the man, the […]
My friend, lets call her Bells, was under a lot of stress at the time, emotional and physical stress, not having to do with school but with how she felt. I didn’t really know why, she never told me much less anyone, but she said she was abused and she was bullied most of the time, people called her “fat” and “ugly” etc. but she wasn’t either of those, but there was so much hate, that in blinded her. One afternoon, in Spanish, the rain was heavy on the window pane, and our teacher had us jot down ideas, and Bells started to write things […]
English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEgmxilFyaI
Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLksB9YUIw
In order to just breathe, I keep meaningful songs in my arsenal until another day comes along. This is one of them, a powerful melody.
“As time is passing on and all my limbs are slowly growing along
The things to love’s a multiplying song
And its growth, is racing at a stupid rate, my only option is hate
So I just have to throw them out with no doubt
And so that I am able to provide you with love
The greedy person that hides inside me
Would soon see, that he would have to stop adoring everything that he is;
The clumsiness was a creation […]
I feel like I’m only five steps away from falling off this cliff and depression is pushing my back to the edge. Depression, it’s always been there from the start, when I tried to commit suicide when I was 11 and whenever I do my late night cries in bed. I’m at the point where I just feel numb. I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel angry. I just feel tired and numb and I want out of it. So then questions started to pop up, “how can I end this?” “where should I run away to?” “is there anyway I […]
Well, it’s the third day since I’ve left my dad’s house, yesterday I was very confident that everything would work just fine, now I’m not that sure… I’ve been feeling simply terrible since that, I simply don’t know what to do, which way to follow, I just want want someone to speak with, but who would want to be with me at a time like that? Even I don’t want to, I wish I could simply feel better but I can’t I don’t know for sure what’s wrong, but I’m sure something is just off… so many months and years having my feelings only for […]
Well, I’m here and I will keep moving forward, yesterday I left my dad’s house, I plan on living with my mom from now on, don’t know for how long and don’t wanna think about it right now, my dad is kinda down, he suffers from “depression” (I think it’s like that, don’t know how to say it in English) so yeah… my departure made him feel very bad, and I keep blamming me for this, being responsible for someone’s sadness like that, that’s very heavy! I feel so… sellfish. I always cared for the others first but they can’t see or feel it and […]
This is going to sound really stupid but I got stood up, and it was by someone who I really care about… And I don’t know why because he’s been gone for four days and I haven’t heard anything from him.. I know he’s okay, I just don’t know when I’ll get to talk to or see him again and it really makes me sad… I feel like he knows me better than anyone else in the world and if I’m not worth it to him, maybe I won’t be worth it to anyone… He was the one thing I was looking forward to for […]
Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.
What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.
Sometimes […]
It’s been quite long since i’ve first felt miserable. the constant feeling of loneliness despite going out and hanging out with friends and family is so chronic. it didn’t end at being sad and miserable. i’ve attempted suicide several times but alas why it’s not working? perhaps different way might help. it’s reason of being in medical school or family issues or self problems that compels this feeing of being helpless and sad. sometimes, suicide despite being a good solution it’s a difficult one to make. i feel terrible and each episode gets worse than previous. i think i’ve to stick to my time plan […]
Hello, my name is Kills and here’s my brief story. I’m currently 24 and have had severe Crohn’s disease for 11 years. Not only that I have a chemical burn on my genitals. I’m in pain many times throughout the day and am not really able to have a sexual relationship. I take medication for Crohn’s but still have a lot of flare ups. As for the chemical burn I have seen many doctors but haven’t received any beneficial medication or alternative remedies. This has extremely effected my quality of life and am very very serious about ending my life. Thanks for reading and have a good night.
Kills.
So, I have nowhere to rant so im just gonna do it here. Excuse my incorrect grammar and spelling or confusing stuff. Here goes. Please stick with me.
Everyone who I thought was my friend just ignores me. Im never invited anywhere when all my best friends go out together. People never text me, I have to text them first, and they just ignore me. I’m fucking sick of trying to make everyone happy when no one gives a shit about me. Thats one of the reasons why I have depression. Now let me tell about other stuff.
Im not sure how this all started off. I […]