it seeps into your heart, your mind, your soul wrecking your body everywhere it goes.
i cant take the time to stop and think where am i going? Who is gonna help me?
you wake up in the middle of the night and your dreams scare you right out of your bed.
How do i get out of this?
You take a knife and you just cut because after you do it sends shivers of warm fuzzy tingles throughout your senses.
it leaves you shivering with ecstasy
You wish someone would help you but all they can say is are you okay?
How do they […]
Tag:
Senses
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
My eyes are weary of you before me
I see the best take, the light of daybreak
It shines upon me most I don’t see
No reason ever was given
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az1loyEX_VY
Too hard to recoil this moment’s glory
A failed reminder, a broken story
My vague emotions one day will vanish
No reason ever was given
The water fills her lungs
Her body begins to chill slowly
Floating in the middle of the ocean
As life flourishes around her
Her life drifts away
Moments are all that’s left now
As she takes her last but final breath
She prays to the heavens above her
To forgive her for what shes done.
She opens her eyes again
Light burning her eyes
She thanks haven for letting her have the chance to have eternal life
But the rest of her senses arise
She hears the beeping of her heart monitor
And she sighs with pain
She has failed once again…
It seems that ever since I found out that my only love is expecting a child i’ve changed.
It was as if my heart had been poisoned..I thought it would surely kill me at first, the first week and a half that I spent crying, moaning, and begging for my life to be ended.
I’d even go out for walks late at night and hope someone would cause me harm. Kill me and leave my body in the gator infested swamps that someone or something may stand to gain from my life.
Pain so deep that it turned my heart black and my blood like tar. […]
I hate my brain. I just thought you should know if your brain is telling you that you should kill yourself, you’re not alone. If your brain is trying to  give you images and visions of how great it would feel to tighten that rope around your neck and you know that its wrong, you are not alone. They’re really seductive right? These thoughts are the true “siren’s call”; a call for eternal peace and an escape from pain. I’m lucky though. I have a thought that I’ve trained myself to repeat. It is this, “Today is a test. Tomorrow might be a test too. But it […]
Gives pain to those that are weak and can come out stronger. Endure and take as a reminder that the earthly ties of anguish are still knitted, and no human can untie what was tied by a supreme being. only the spirit and hand of it who laid the blocks and keyholes to that castle has the right to stand and move in it.
I wake to the sound of sadness and betrayal from a thought far far above. Understanding is all I will never get, actions turn to regrets. I lay, in a room, the ceiling is a dark night sky hidden from shooting stars. […]
I am Ammoniacku and i am 21 and live in Eastern Europe.
I suffer from OCD and depression. In fact i have been anxious and depressed my whole life. You wanna know why? I am just bored beyond anything by people, in fact even writing this message bores me to death.
I find most people boring and they are turned off by my sarcasm and humour and in fact i think most humans are phony. In  fact, i declare myself the Holden Caulfield of eastern europe. I hate all social cliques, i am bored beyond my mind by the college i am doing, i have no skills […]
I will not kill myself. I can’t, I just have too much potential. However, I just have this urge to do it anyways. Half of the time, I want to live just to learn about the universe and the wonders of science. Yes, that is right. I only live in the name of science and the curiosity spectrum of my mind. But then half of the time, I tell myself that there is no incentive of living. Let me lay this down for you: I have amnesia (or maybe even Alzheimer at a relatively early age). My mind […]
I am extremely unhappy. Whereas a few days ago I had a little bit of hope and miniscule amounts of positive energy, these last 48 hours I have been depleted. My heart has slowed and my body has sunken in.
I am terrified. Today in class I could hardly breathe. I tried to duck out before it started but I ran into the professor. I could barely speak and I was trying not to get sick the whole time. Electric stomach, glass eyes. I had to wait in the building before leaving to go back to my room because I couldn’t handle the idea of people […]
Oh , night you beautiful ,
when darkness is growing
over the Carpathians.
Eternal melody that awake
memories from past and dreams.
This is my deastiny – darkness eternal
Cold night embrace me in her beauty ,
when freezing mist drift
over Transylvanian woods
that my body loses all senses.
Rain into the darkness falls like blood
from the sky on the cemetery where drain.
Eternity , ilusions and dreams –
recognize salvation.
Is light of life thet dying in me.
Is ice of sorrow the crystal in my eyes.
Fate of death and salvation tonight
I hear sing.
I dont cry. I really dont. I didnt cry when my cousin spread rumors about me, when the girls would push me down stairs and the boys would slam me against lockers, when someone who i thought was a friend back stabbed me, when someone who used to be my friend literally spit in my face, when nobody cared. I only cry for 2 things: the death of a loved one and romantic/sad movies(yeah i know dumb reason to cry but hey im human). I used to cry myself to sleep every night when i was younger but i promised myself never again. I refused […]
I thought I would come back to say that I did choose to not attempt suicide again – and in fact, I’m feeling rather good. The reason for this is that I was up all night googling to see if I could find anything to explain my actions, any form of disease or illness. I was unsuccessful, which is pretty much what I was expecting. However, I was watching the film The Big Bang with Antonio Banderas (not a fan of his but he was good in this), William Fichtner (most underrated actor of all time – give the man some leading roles!) and Sam […]
‘Oh, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.’
‘In the grander scheme of things, you are really insignificant.’
‘You’re too young.’
‘How can you expect anyone to care for you, to love you, if you don’t love yourself?’
‘We’ve spent this much money on you, the least you can do is pay us back.’
Yeah. Okay. I comprehend that. I don’t stop thinking about them for a moment.
But I’m 19 years old and I am tired. I am tired of clawing my way through classes, I am tired of not being able to look anyone in the eye because I’m afraid of them, I am tired of not wanting to […]