Today was… An Okay Day.
That’s a little better. It’s better than what I’ve been feeling for the past 3 weeks.
I have less anger, less rage, less pain, less everything I’ve been feeling lately.
I feel safe for the first time in months. I’m less paranoid. Took a walk on my own with no fear. No need to constantly look over my shoulder and scrutinize every single person walking behind me. I felt free.
I smiled a genuine smile. I could feel it. It wasn’t forced or fake like the ones I’ve been giving. It was a real smile.
I don’t know what’s happening, […]
There is something liberating about accepting being a nobody.
I have been bullied, belittled, and abused as a child in both my school and in my family. For the longest of times, I have done my best to improve my reputation and status in society in response to these actions. However, I have failed time and time again. After numerous short lived careers, huge heart aches, and personal failures, I have come to the realization that, indeed maybe they were all correct before. Maybe indeed I am a nobody.
If it is truth, then all my past failures, misfortunes, and regrets can be rationally, logically, and justifiably explained […]
Someone help me. Even if it is just to talk. I’m suffering.
I can’t contain my demons anymore.
You did this.
You made me do this.
It was always there.
Lurking in the shadows.
I kept my demons at bay.
I always managed to hide them behind my wonderful smile. My… Laughter…
You did this.
You broke me.
You pushed me to the very edge.
I’m there.
So take it. It’s exactly what you deserve.
Don’t apologize.
I don’t want to hear you say, “Ek is jammer.”
For what I am going to do to you
For the pain I will inflict on you
Just know, “Ek is nie jammer.”
I […]
I’m sick of my sickness, don’t touch me, you’ll get this
I’m useless, lazy, perverted, and you hate me
Am I alone in finding a way to blame myself for every single problem, no matter how trivial? Honestly, everything is my fault. I’m sorry. Trust me, the guilt is like gravity to me.
She is perfect, and I imperfect. Things are as they should be.
I survived yesterday. I don’t know how I’ll make it through today.
Yesterday I just slept. Today, all I want to do is get high. Maybe that will help.
It gets harder by the day. I don’t want it to end just yet, but if things keep going downhill every single second, I might not live to see next year. I don’t want to keep having these impulsive moments where I want it all to end now. I’m afraid soon enough I will act on them.
I don’t want to hurt my family. Right now is not a good time to end it. Not now. […]
Once upon a time in a land forgotten by time,
there lived a clown of peculiar taste called Charlie.
Charlie was infamous in his age.
Charlie the Triple C was what people called him.
Dressed in a suit dyed black,
skin a ashy white, lips and nose a dark red,
eyes…sown shut.
Charlie the Cannibalistic, Culinary Clown,
a feared serial killer of his day.
His fall; a single act of kindness
betrayed through manipulation.
An orphan boy once his apprentice
exploited by their targets;
turned on his master.
Charlie, beaten and starved merely smiled at the irony.
His brother turned lover led astray
by the good people of the village.
Yet Charlie felt no anger towards his beloved,
only pity at their loss […]
This day turned out great for me. At first, i don’t really believed that this whole “Team Building” event thing won’t help me to find my happiness. But surprisingly, it did. I felt so happy because i have my friends as a team. This whole thing actually made me forget (even just for a day) all the pains hiding inside me. This day is really worth treasuring! It’s been a while since i felt this genuinely happy. For once in your life, did you ever came to a point where you don’t want some days to end because you know that it will take a […]
I thought about writing a poem examining the similarities of dancing and typing (writing). However, it’s impossible to wring out a dried sponge. Hahahehehoha… Anyone up for scrambled eggs? I’m sure my brain is just as scrambled and just as tasteless. It sucks living in both the past and the present. A world of reality and fantasy every single day… Every goddamn second! Even as I type, the responses are being predicted or would it be lack of? I’m not sure I even care, maybe I’m just trying to prevent myself from banging my head into the wall over and over… My head hurts and […]
Hey,
What was that one set or even a single advice/routine/idea that really helped you?
It could be anything.
Absolutely fucking anything.
I need this cus i cant express my problem properly yet i want advice so ill just take all your advices and read them.
Thanks.
Well its less than 2 weeks away till thanksgiving the beginning of the holiday season and I am single for the first time in two years, feeling depressed from the overwhelming load of classwork and haunting thoughts from this time last year. I just feel so alone . To the point that I honestly think its pathetic. I mean I know I’m extremley pretty, nice, loyal, funny , hardworking and yet I am still here alone. I mean its bad enough that I sleep with the tv on just so I have a little bit of company at night. I am trying hard to stay […]
Just a rant. Sorry it’s so long. Read it if you want.
I think it’s time for me to go. I cant take this. Everything I do. Every single thing I do. Is wrong. I’m really tired. I really.feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And that feeling is trapping. And I hate feeling trapped. I can’t trust anyone. I’m always afraid of what everyone thinks of me. I’m tired of being judged. I always feel like I’m being.judged. it’s time for me to go. This whole “staying positive ” bullshit just isn’t for me. I’m feeling sick. Like I want to break down. […]
Because they don’t make memes that say “I’m single because I’m holding out for a perfect 10 under 100 lbs with 0% body fat that’s super gorgeous that every man would die for and I want her to agree with me on everything and be open to swinging but otherwise never cheat on me.”
Yes he posted that meme and he posts tons of others like it.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I really haven’t been on here for some months now because I thought it was just a waste of time…But it was a while back an I just got into this mood where I didn’t communicate with anyone I stayed in my room everyday I didn’t even leave to go anywhere, I just want to get back into that mode because me communicating n forgiving is making me miserable every single day and I don’t say anything I just play along with the joy everyone thinks I have…..
I’m sorry if I am not allowed to ask this. Also sorry if this subject upsets or triggers anyone.
For those of you that cut,
do you do it quickly or slowly.
Is it one single swipe, or do you take your time and pick at it.
Do you always make a new cut or do you revisit old or recent cuts.
Do you feel what you would class as a normal amount of pain given what you are doing.
Do you dress the wounds yourself or do you ever go to the hospital afterwards.
I’d just like to know if I am the same.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Almost everything I do seems like a remedy for something already wrong in my life. It’s not that I don’t know what happiness is or haven’t experienced bliss at one point, but nowadays it feels like I’m merely living just to survive and for what I think is “right”. It’s like I’m contemplating the simplest actions every single time before they take place, even my thoughts feel like they are preconceived without my authority. I’m becoming more and more detached from reality, society, and people in general. I want to connect to the world, but there are factors that limit me, and I’m forever with […]
My life starts with my mom who we will call “B”. I was sort of a mistake I guess you could call it. My dad was one of those people you’d only have a one night stand. Stuff happened and I was born. He missed my birth, him being in the military and all, but was able to come about 2 hours after my birth (His unit hadn’t left yet).
“A Broken Jar”
So here goes,
One last letter now. One last attempt to make sense.
Who have I been writing to? I’m not sure anymore.
What have I been trying to accomplish?
It’s a mystery, I guess. Self-made secrecy.
Things get cloudy and now all these stories and
The struggle as an undercurrent, both get blurry by the minute both get blurrier.
So, which voice is this then that I’ve been writing in? Is it my own or his?
Has there ever been a difference between them at all?
I don’t know I don’t know.
One last desperate plea. One last verse to sing.
One last laugh […]
Feel like hugging every single one on htis site yea I’m a bit tipsy if ur wondering but what the hec I’m full of love nao