Why can’t my life be as beautiful as the ones I ruined once we’re? I walk alone and there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, I’ve tried and there are no options. I’m still as indecisive and fed up as I was 4 days ago. 4 days ago, I don’t even know what I miss out on. If I had what I want, “BANG!!!” is the last thing I would hear. But one thing I can’t figure out is why I have to bear the very pain and agony I have suffered. Why I have to watch everyone be happy as possible and […]
Tag:
sinking
I’ve been at the gym for three hours. Just trying to keep moving, keep distracted.
Every time I slow down it catches up. Sinking feeling, a punch in the gut. Not for any particular reason, of course. That’s the worst part.
I know drowning is a cliche but that’s what it is. Just treading water. If you stop even for a second, you go under.
What I did while in a dark ugly pit for four days:
— After not eating for a whole day, parked in the cemetery and listened to THIS until the sun went down. It’s my number one dark-pit-of-depression song because the warped ugliness is so obvious, and the video is bizarre.
— Took what I hoped was a lethal dose of Tramadol. Didn’t receive a lot of SP notice and ended up deleting the post, figuring I might as well go on my own. Also deleted the previous post about leaving a suicide note. No comments on that one anyway. Considered driving with a brain […]
I’m waiting, and today I can’t seem to be patient. I need you, I need your words. I need to read. It’s been dark today. You are mt crutch tonight and I hate myself for letting myself think that way. I don’t need a crutch, what am I doing? I’ve sunk a little more today. It’s been at a constant rate for days.
My own thoughts.
Stop fucking sinking. God, you’re pathetic.
Living life in the fast watching myself from a distance
can’t tell the difference between what’s reality and my fantasy
Drifting floating sinking drowning
I don’t understand but it’s hard to breathe were im standing
a few cuts can turn a dark world colourful pain release trying to kill the thing inside
I don’t knew the difference between myself and my demons
disconnected from life plug me in like the matrix
red or blue pill il have em both swollow hoping Il choke
Man in the mirror who am I I’m watching my self from a distance have we ever been connected two different people in one body
I feel like I am drowning. I jumped into the sea thinking I could manage myself and now I am sinking. It is too late to learn how to swim. I will soon be lost in these waves that crash over me. With no more air to breathe and no more strength to fight I will soon be just a memory… And then nothing…
This is my first post. And I’m terrified. Terrified that I have to resort to something like this. Terrified that I’m finding myself sinking back into a hole I thought I had successfully climbed out of years ago.
I’ve had depression of varying degrees on and off since the age of 11. I remember clearly the burning desire to end my own life at age 12; a struggle that took me years to overcome. Don’t ask me how; I don’t remember. Most of that time period in my life has become hazy.
But now, here I am. 17 years old, a loving boyfriend, a promising future. And […]
I jumped into the deep end,
(first my head and then my feet)
I’m drowning in the water;
I’ve fallen in too deep.
I’m drowning in this bed,
and I’m drowning in these sheets,
my hope was once my life vest,
now I’m sinking in my sleep.
They say “Seek Salvation”
but I haven’t found it yet,
I inhale and I exhale-
I’m still struggling for breath.
I’m running out of oxygen,
I’m running out of air
I’m at war with the world,
but the world’s not fighting fair
I answered;
the scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
o the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain of emptiness
the scariest part
is the realization
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking as you lay awake at 2am
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can’t even cry
because you don’t even care
Reaching out, maybe I’ll get some insight or relate with someone.
To start, I don’t want to commit suicide. I would however welcome the embrace of death. So if it must come by my own hands, it’s something that will take time to build courage.
See, I don’t really want to die. I’m just failing to see another option. I’m trapped, currently. Bound in captivity. Not a situation I can fight through. I’ve been fighting for years. Though I may win a battle here and there, it’s clear I’m losing the war. I can’t escape, or run away. There are many dependant on me. So what will […]
Please don’t think of yourself like someone who’s in a worse mental state than everyone else. Don’t just say you don’t understand what i’m going through. We are all the same, we are all on a endless sinking ship called life. And for the ones who really don’t know what your going thro but say so, just appreciate that their trying to understand you. I might leave the ship tonight, so i just want to leave something that might help the others who are still on it. Just a small tip, that might help someone to get to the shore and survive it all. And […]
many people claim that life is worth it because there is so much potential and joy. What if there is some joy? All in all, we are basically on the titanic. Some of us may be partying but the sinking of the ship is immenent
Hadn’t been on here in awhile. Hadn’t cut in awhile either. I guess I was doing good. But now I’m sinking.
I just feel like ITS ME! Everything that goes wrong is because of me. I’m always the guilty party. When I try so hard.
I tell ppl all the time that Imma fckd up person. That they shouldn’t be involved with me. I can’t possibly be anything good in your life.
It’s hard to explain.
Hi everyone, it’s been a while now since I’ve been checking this site and it’s my first post.
Im a 37 yrs old man from Lebanon (Middle East) and have been suicidal for about three months now. I’ve never opened up to anyone about this. I’m facing collosal monsters (dept, family and work problems)… recently realized that I’m clinically depressed (wasn’t diagnosed though) and that I pushed away every single human being in my life.
I’m sinking into this downward spiral no matter how hard I try to escape it. Really fucking tired of this shit called life and I don’t know if I have the balls […]
Ok – so
I started at a new therapist yesterday
She talked to me for an hour and a half. We literally scratched the surface – I told her when I started to feel anxiety in my life and told her a LITTLE about my 3 life destroying relationships
She says to me – “You have suffered a very high degree of trauma in your life”… ALREADY – she knows this from the tiny tip of the gigantic, ship fucking sinking iceberg that is my life… I haven’t even told her about all through school and the suicide attempt(S) and she says “I have August off”… […]
I’ve pushed away everyone who I used to care about. Each morning before school I sit in the library reading a book in a pathetic attempt to escape reality. The bell goes and I’m scared to go to class, then I become aware that I’ve forgotten my timetable. I get this sinking feeling and the anxiety starts to kick in. I’m shaking and I can barely breath when I realise that I’ve now got to speak to someone and ask where to go. Walking to class I’m pushed, laughed at and of course I end up running into one of my old friends, the one […]
My heart is sinking. My blood feels thick, like lava, burning through my veins. I feel sick with anger and sadness. I feel hopeles. I want to lay down and sink into a peaceful death. I can’t remember anything anymore. I can’t feel anything except the agony of wanting to die but still having to be alive. How can you want something so badly and struggle everyday to reject it. I want to want to live.
For the first time in 7 months, I find myself contemplating how things would be if it had worked the first time. Or the second.
I’ve started visiting this site a bit too often.It means to me that my life is going from bad to worse. This is definitely not a good sign.I don’t know how my life happened to end up this way. The sole cause is me myself. I cannot appreciate a single thing around me. I cannot appreciate a little good whatsoever my parents do for me or the words of wisdom people pass down on me.I have one or two friends who actually care for me.I’m young so maybe I’m yet to see some good things coming on my way. But, no. I cannot see the […]
I’m 36, I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts for years. I’ve attempted it a couple of times. I’ve been sinking back into depression again and I want to die. I have a son, who is the only reason I haven’t ended my life yet. I worry about him. He’s a cutter. My boyfriend and I are having problems. I think he’s cheating on me and last night we had a physical altercation. I’m badly bruised and sore today. In 2 years, he’s never done that. I don’t know why he is now. I have no one to talk to. I’ve thought about taking pills and driving […]
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