So, tonight I go to church with my girlfriend but she seemed to be to herself so I begin communicating to her god sister who made me highly frustrated. So, I speak to my girlfriends friend and so on. No physical contact with any of them, no intimate talk just laughing and having a good time. And every now and then I tried bringing my girfriend in but she just wouldnt. Later I text her god sister apologizing for being sensitive as she told me she was joking. Even later I text my girlfriend and let her know im home and ready to call her […]
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I want to share with you a story about my father. I want to share it because my depression is deeply affected by my family relations. The pain and hurts created a Pretend Girl who has been so very sad, so very alone and so very confused. Geee, a build up like that, who could turn away? 😉 I also want to share it because I think we are here in this crazy world to help one another. I want to share my story/stories and if you see part that can help you, I’d be so glad. I am going to write, to publish, to […]
My mother is a lesbian. She hasn’t come out to me or my older sister yet in years. She and my father have been divorced for over 10 years. It’s a secret that I dispise having. She puts it in our faces that she’s gay and has and has had girlfriends. Recently I’ve been really depressed and she’s been putting it in my face that I’m wrong and that I’m her most problematic child. My sister is 7 years older than me. I am 19 and she is 26. She is living at home and has been living at home ever since she back from […]
…that’s what my sister would have wanted.
If she was alive today.. she’d be the strongest and smartest in my family. She is truly the missing link in our world, and what it’s become.
There for i remain strong.
Nothing will stop me from being happy and at peace with this life.
I do this for you, Angel. I know mom still misses you very much.
I know you are watching over me..over all of us.
And I will never give up
I’m not new to this site I’ve been here before on a different account. I left because I thought I got better. But today I just kind of broke down and I don’t know why. My sister is graduating from highschool I’ll be a junior next year. It all hits me pretty hard because I’ve never really had any friends so id always hang out with her. And this year I talked to some of her friends which I’ve even considered to be my friends but I don’t think they feel the same way. Anyway I just want to say I’m a piece of shit […]
If I were to commit suicide heres my note. I don’t want to but nows a perfect time. I have nothing to look forward to and school just ended for the year. I want to start with my parents thank you for ignoring me and taking favor of my sister instead of me and for never being there for me and always yelling at me to make me feel worse. You definitely know how to teach me how to sacrifice all the things I want in life just for your sake and you don’t even know it. Thank you to my sister for discriminating against what […]
I’m incapable of love. I came to this realization after breaking off with the second love of my life. It’s a dissonance. How can I yearn so much for love, but be unable to love. The only person in my life that I could have learned to be unloving from is my mom. Growing up, my mom wasn’t bad. When we were very, very, very poor she still gave us the necessities of life. She took care of us the best she could. As a matter of fact, she did much better than her mother, who abandoned her and her siblings. So she actually grew […]
So I’m gonna share one of the reasons that tempted me to end my life (Read my last post). So, I’m not really close to my father. He always works overseas. And I always thought he was a good guy, working his hardest for us, for his family. Then when I was around 10 years old, I heard my mom and dad fighting, me and my sisters were downstairs, trying to eat our lunch peacefully when suddenly our mom screamed. She screamed at our dad, the kind of scream that breaks your voice, the kind of scream that was full of emotions. About 5 minutes […]
I sit at home alone everyday .. When my sister gets home she bombards me with nasty comments about how I do nothing with my life and I sit on my fat ass all day .. Sometimes she calls me a depressed annoyance and how one day shes gonna slap me.. Maybe I should just kill myself . its not like they are gonna miss me. My mom constantly yells about how the dirty dishes need to be done while I’m thinking about how I should kill mysf tonight . I’m tired all the time… I have no friends. . is it true that it […]
The thing with my look is that it is nerdy but something worse than that. I look fucking retarded that someone could stare at my face and burst out laughing. And it happens. Many times in fact. I get discriminated against SO badly by teachers alot and other people. You can probably say that no, everyone looks beautiful, I think you look okay blah blah. No mine isnt just ugly. I have a severely downward slanting mouth when my face it resting. My eyes are the worst. It is uneven one is upward slanting while the other is upward slanting. I cant even smile properly, […]
My math teacher invited me to go spend this weekend with her, she was been helping me alot. And the funny part is all this year I didn’t start liking her til about 3 weeks ago maybe, and now she is a BIG part of my life.
The weekend was fun, her family was very nice to me. Saturday went for a ride on the tractor with her and her dad and saw the horses. Then her dad took me on a motorcycle ride! Then came back and she took pictures of me with her new camera all over the place. It was fun. Last night […]
I don’t know if anyone will even read all of this and offer some viable help for me to end my suffering. Please I’m not looking for a lecture to the values of life and what not. Also what remains of my once dysfunctional family is chipped away to only my very elderly judgmental mother and me, we are barely in touch, we didn’t even talk at my dad’s funeral. I just need advise to exit in a dignified and painless way.
I was an intelligent kid with a high IQ and EQ. Born in Asia and sent to university in NA by age of 15. […]
so it seems my options now are go to live in the new mexico desert, in a bedbug-infested trailer with my sister and her husband, who can barely support themselves… or stay here with my parents, in a home of alcohol and violence, where nothing will ever change. i have to choose one or the other by the 2nd. i’m not feeling very hopeful about my future, needless to say.
Why do people have to be so heart less this is the second post i have put on hers and i really dont know why im telling everyone my problens because i hate taliking to people my x left me back in September because i wasnt the person i used to be after i got hurt and i found she had been cheating on me for awhile and im in constant pain i live on pain killers and other meds for my heart rate and blood pressure they say its because of the pain and i admit im not the same person im tirectired all […]
I am going to commit suicide. I want to. I am a really blessed kid, but I do not like living. Just seems pointless. The issue that is eating at me so much is whether or not to tell my mother and sister beforehand. I think about it as if it were a terminal illness. Would my mother and sister rather me get hit by a bus and hear that I’m dead, and have it hit them like a brick wall? Or would they rather me have a terminal illness, where I only have, say, three months to live? I like to think the latter, […]
Hello all. Thank you for listening to me. I just need to get it all out.
I consider myself a lucky man. I’m 20 years old, attending college, with good job prospects ahead of me. I have amazing friends and the best mother and sister a guy could ask for. I like to think that I am a handsome, funny, bright dude-without sounding arrogant or supercilious I believe I have a lot going for me.
I am not particularly unhappy. I just do not want to live anymore. I don’t see the point, quite frankly.
I go to school. Why? To get a good job. Why? To make […]
after my first post i realised that as much as i hate talking about what bothers me, i have to… so here goes… this is the reason why i have lost my way, my happiness and my self..
All through high school my parents fought, as much or maybe more than every married couple does, but after a while my dads drinking had gotten worse by the day, my parents stopped sleeping in the same room, they stopped having conversations ( apart from the usual ‘whose gonna pay the bills’ argument), and we stopped being a family.
When i started university and they assumed i was now […]
My story starts when I was little, my mom was seventeen going on eighteen when she had me and my sister. She struggled to make ends meet and she still wanted to go out and have fun like any young mom would, my father wasn’t around for the first three years of my life so my mom used to find babysitters or drop us off with family, she would be gone for night and nights on end my family told me. When I turned three me and my sister were dropped off with my aunt and uncle and custody was handed over to them, my mom […]
Well here goes, I should be writing a research paper at the moment and I’m already behind on thesis work for a industry panel review on Thursday which is freaking me out. Sorry if that sounds like I’m trying to act like I’m better because clearly I’m not, I have paralyzing anxiety and getting things done hardly happens, I have withdrawn from college twice with no tuition reimbursement in the past, which I can’t even really afford to pay for anymore so I really just need to buckle down and graduate since I’ve been an undergraduate for six years now for a four year degree. I […]
I was doing so well. I was happy, my family was happy with me. I was helpful instead of a burden. I was trying so hard to please myself and everyone around me. My mom took my sister on a trip I was dying to go on. She had refused to take me on it the year before, but agreed it would be worthwhile for my sister. I was upset, and a little bitter at first. But I decided to get over it and just be happy and help out around the house over spring break while they were gone. My dad works all day, […]