im in 8th grade. i went to a public school but at the moment im @ a learning center. how was i supposed to go to school when, whenever i turn the corner im being beat up, threatened with knifes, pushed to the ground and called fat, ugly, whore, ****, freak, creep, big boobed peice of s***, lousy turd, stupid, dumb. its so hard to handle. the only thing i could do was run into the bathroom sit against the wall and cut. i made that mistake in 2nd grade. a girl told me i looked like a dirty cow!!! so i asked the teacher […]
Tag:
Sit
I sit here in amazement as this beautiful world passes on by, just so slow, drifting along, like clouds floating through the sky. I’m seeing the future get created right in front of my eyes, I see so many brilliant people, doing such amazing things. Beautiful things, and everything is just too amazing. The beauty of what is going on is just to much for my undeserving eyes, i want to die, for the fact alone. Life is to amazing, and i’m here. I am undeserving of what has been bestowed on me, people everyday, every second want to die, and do, while i sit […]
So theres this guy, and hes kinda REALLY creepy.
We supposedly used to have play dates together, which nasts me out .
A couple years ago (i was about 15) I was basically forced to sit with him at space aliens restaurant (lol dont ask). My brother and his friend were thankfully sitting with me and it…till they LEFT to hit the arcade.
Now this guy is always staring, like he makes it obvious, like in a disrespectful way.
Hes not the best looking guy in my opinion.
He made me feel so uncomfortable, he said “are you normally this quiet”?
“I said well I dont really know you.”
(AND dont reaally […]
I’m so tired. I tell everyone I’m tired and they say I’m not being honest about the real issues. But they don’t understand how tired I really am. I’m tired in every sense of the word. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally tired. I’m trying to decide whether or not life is meaningless. I don’t know if that would just be a selfish method of self protection or if it is a valid thought. But I’ve been trying to assign meaning to it thinking that the world is a better place and my life will be more enjoyable if it is meaningful. But this is so damn […]
“And I swear at that moment, we were infinite”
Is my favorite quote from my favorite book Perks of being a wallflower.
I must have read that book a thousand times, it always use to help me when I felt down, and I had a lot of favorite quotes from the book, that’s my absolute favorite, because I think we’ve all felt infinite at one point or another.
One time I felt like that, is on Halloween when I was really little and I was trick or treating, and I saw the moon and it was big and full and I couldn’t stop staring at it because I thought it […]
I sit here and all I feel is pain
wanting to cut and make my wrists rain
make them rain with blood. I get no love
I sit in my room all alone, me and my pain
pain is all I feel, pain is all I know
Noone will ever know how I feel, or what Im going through
when you smile and laugh, but you know it’s just a show
Im the only one to blame for a meaningless life
so I sit in my room alone, just me and this knife
not wanting to take my life, just leaving a lifetime scar
a […]
When I sit and think about my life, there is only a few good memories and few times when I can remember being genuinely happy. I feel that I am just going through repetitive motions everyday. I am taking 5 classes and working 36 hours a week. I have a good job and make good money. I am always so busy trying to keep up with school and work but I rather it be that way than to have time for my mind to travel.
From other people’s perspective, I have it all. But it is a very different story from my point of view. I honestly don’t […]
I don’t know. I don’t know why I do anything. I hardly ever eat, when I do it’s not because I’m hungry. I’m bored, I’m angry, I’m sick. I feel like I’m going to be sick, but I just keep eating this shitty angel delight. It tastes like fucking vomit. But maybe that’s because the smell of vomit is lingering in the air. Yeah, I vomited on the floor yesterday, I don’t know what fucking happened. I didn’t even clean it up for an hour. I just let it sit there whilst I listening to Joy Division. Some of it is still there.
I’m a […]
I sit here hating myself for being myself. I try everyday to live to be happy, but nothing ever works. The realization of the fact that the one person you love so much will never love you back torments me and leaves me unable to move. I pray for the torment to end.
He says I don’t try enough and he gets mad at me. But I know not what to do. I do what anyone deeply in love does when they are hurt by the one they love…I cry. I cry a river that turns into an ocean. My bloody tears mean nothing anymore because […]
16 and on the verge of suicide, I’ve tried hanging myself before and that would of been the most exciting/scariest time of my life. I just wanted my life to be over, not only that it was scaring knowing I’d never be here again, but who wants to live life in constant misery. I just wish I could die, I feel like jumping in front of a train every time I sit and wait for the train every morning, I think one day I will actually do it, as I can no longer go on feeling the way I do. I’m done with everyone, and […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m down to the bottom again. Even though I’m surrounded by tons of people everyday, I feel more alone now than ever. I was raped when I was little. And since then I’ve been having nightmares. But lately the nightmares have gotten so bad that I can’t sleep but when I finally do cry myself to sleep, I just wake up crying everytime. So I started to cut and burn. I still do sometimes. It’s the only thing that helps anymore. Sometimes I just cut to see how much blood will come out or I wonder which spot […]
Why do I still try? Everything I do is wrong, nothing is right! I hate my life, everyday I think god why am I still here! I would rather give my life to someone who deserves it, not me! I try following what my heart wants, I try thinking happy thoughts! That doesnt work :/ Why should I keep trying, no one cares about me! I think to my self, why was I ever born, why must I live the life I live! where I am depressed! Only one person makes me feel like I am special! He loves me and I love him! Sometimes […]
 Do you know what it feels like to wake up every morning and need to cut to get up and start your day?… do u know how it feels to be rejected from your school, friends and family?.. to be ignored at home and everyone just tell me all i want is attention?… well how’s this for “just attention” … i have attempted suicide six times. tonight was my sixth time.. everyday i wake up feeling like i am useless and un important, that id be better off dead. i looke for every reason in the world to cry. i sit in cornners, write lyrics […]
The girl that use to sit on this bed was ashamed to call her self a daughter, friend, girlfriend and so on. The girl who use to sit on this bed was scared to face her self in the mirror. The girl who use to sit on this bed would smush her self into a little ball every night and cry. The girl who use to sit on this bed only saw darkness. The girl who sat on this bed never understood why know one wanted her. The girl who use to sit on this bed saw the blood drip from her arm every day […]
So I forgot to close out this website before letting my mom borrow my computer. I don’t want to talk to her about it. Why? Because there is no communicating with her. I’ve tried before. -chuckles- You know what she said? “If you do it don’t do it here”. Like that is going to make me open up to her. I wont say I HATE my mother, cause I don’t except when I’m mad lol but I do dislike her ALOT. I just don’t understand why people are so blind. I’m not perfect. There I said it. But I am trying to work on myself […]
I don’t even know where to start explaining this…for that matter I’m not even sure that I’m trying to explain something to begin with. Maybe I’m just trying to understand it. Maybe some part of my brain is hoping that if I string enough words together someone, somewhere, will be able to explain it all to me.
I don’t even know if I’m suicidal. I used to think that “suicidal” was something definitive. Something that you’d know if you were or you weren’t. It didn’t seem like the sort of thing you’d miss, you know? I suppose if someone asked me outright I’d say no, I’m […]
I’ve always thought it’d be better if I was dead. When I found out I was born dead, as in not breathing and doctors and nurses rushing round because I wasn’t going to make it… it makes me laugh my f**king head off. I’m still here, today. What an achievement.
I don’t remember my first suicidal thought. I remember my last. It was a few seconds ago, as always. I think about it every day, but every day I don’t do a damn thing about it and wake up the next morning just to start over again. I’m pathetic like that. Tomorrow’s never going to get […]
I am depressed.
I am an insomniac.
I have an obsessive compulsive nature.
I am paranoid.
I can’t cope.
It’s been said that admitting your faults, admitting your issues, is one step on the way to recovery. But when your 2 million steps below the surface, one step doesn’t make that much difference.
I can admit to you, to anyone, those 5 things. I feel understand how those 5 things are related to me. I could even give you examples of how they come across in my every day life.
None of this makes me feel remotely better. What used to make me feel better was alcohol and other self-destructive materials. I […]
i sit at school in the computer lab and all i can think to do i look up things on suicide. I always find pictures and stories and more and more ideas just go through my brain. Im so sick of my life and i want to be dead. I cant do anything right, i have no friends, my parents hate me , and i have no future. I think tonights the night. i just want to get it over with. i can’t wait to get home and finish it once and for all!
i sit here numb,
unaware of my surroundings ,
knowing i am here but am almost watching myself, in and yet out.
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what can i do to stop this,
what can i do to move on,
and what can i do right now?