Everyone has to die one day, then why should wait for your death. It is better to take your life by your own way, a less painful death. Why should wait for some miserable disease like cancer. And most importantly if you are so hopeless that you don’t even want to wake in the morning. You wish that you never been born at first place. You don’t have a single person in your life to trust, to share your pain. When you are back stab by your best friend, cheated by your girlfriend, watching your father died with cancer. When the nightmares don’ let you […]
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Sleep
Im not sure what to write, should there be something to write, or is it that I’m looking for something worthy to be written. I forget that im depressed when i talk to people or when i write, maybe its habit that i hide what i feel and smack a smile onto my face. I havent done anything all summer and i feel alone, my only friends are dull razors and this freak anxiety. I cant sleep. I’m starting to feel numb again. Maybe it’s better that i feel numb, if i decide to feel anything else ill just panic. Well… im done trying to […]
Was the dream I had yesterday night. And that’s how I knew, tonight is the night.
I guess you could call it a sign, but I’m calling it an unconcious epiphany. I dreamt of a bridge made of guns, and that’s when it hit me, I’ll just shoot myself off a bridge this time! So I found the closest bridge to my house (a 20 minute bike ride away), and I’m prepping myself now.
I have the gun, the same one that shot off part of my shoulder. And my bike is outside the house, sitting there waiting for me to go grab it. I’m also debating […]
I have anxiety, stress. When I wake up everyday I am in a state of panic. It takes about 30 mins of meditation to slow to heart rate from about 130 down to 70 beats per minute. My girlfriend says I shout in my sleep sometimes. After I slow my heart I can think straight again. But it takes about another hour before I can actually eat anything. So I get up every day around 6.
I can feel my heart all the time. When someone says something to me, I can actually feel how my body has reacted to it in my pulse and in […]
I don’t know how to write this, I’ve never written something like this before, so I guess il just start, I’m sorry if it sounds stupid or doesn’t make sense.
I don’t know how much longer I can feel this way, I had an amazing weekend, I was happy for the first time in years, but alas, 5 days on and I am back to where I began. I have a psychologist that I see and sometimes a psychiatrist, also two people from a subsection of the nhs who come and check on me as I am 17.
I was going to be admitted to a hospital […]
She got up and grabbed her things. Escaped to some empty common room, opened her laptop, and methodically pulled that hairband against her wrist.
“Haha you know you shouldn’t do that, it could hurt haha,” some guy says, nodding at her wrist. She smiles up to him and nods slightly. He moves away and she goes back to snapping the hairband. She holds back tears and swallows deeply. She turns on her laptop and reads sad stories, all the while tugging at that damn hairband. People wander past, but none even glance her way. She is alone, lost, forgotten. Her phone buzzes, waking her up from […]
For about 4 ½ years I’ve been unhappy, but never had the thought of suicide crossed my mind until I entered high school. (It’s not one of those things where I’m a loner and had no friends). I actually have had a lot of friends my whole life but I always felt like a hole and I was always just sad for no reason, so recently I started therapy for family reasons and my therapist ran a few tests and I go back July 30 to see if I can be diagnosed clinically depressed. Around February I became extremely rebellious an unhappy and I would […]
Reasons to commit suicide
I don’t love myself or self hatred
I have low self esteem
I lost all my friends
irreversibly damaged reputation and social standing with family
future is bleak
No ambition or motivation to set goals
So much regret for pass choices and decisions
inability to forgive myself and move on
credit score is in the trash
hard to get and keep a job and contribute financially to household
burden on family members
I hate living day to day repeating the same shit (eat,shit,sleep,wake-up,repeat)
I hate being weak
I am fearful of what my future will most likely become (homeless,broke,ostracized,lonely etc)
Pain of remembering the past and unable to return
I hate knowing I am a failure in life
To get […]
Ok well I told my family how I felt and how I want to end my probelms. They under stood and did not get angry they just didn’t understand how I could be sad with everything that I have. I told them about how my past constantly follows me and eats at me. My father suggested a therapist and I agreed only to see how it goes. We also decided as a family to wait until October and look for one. I’m not sure how long I can wait but I will try for my family. I didn’t tell them however that I cut and […]
I really wonder am I weak for letting the pain get to me like this? For all the tears I’ve cried for all the times I’ve put a blade to my skin. For the constant thoughts of killing myself? For not wanting to be here. I have had a hard past but why cant I just let that go and move on? Why cant I be happy again? I have to many questions…. but honestly I am tired. I hardly ever sleep anymore and I have to force myself to get up and go on everyday. I appear happy to everyone but I’m no where […]
I’m in a constant battle with my self. My friends and family beg me not to cut my self or to think about killing myself but its not that easy. I mean they try to support me but they sometimes make me feel like I’m worthless and that i failed them. I hate myself so much already and I’m scared to tell them they make me feel this way but I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this hell. I try to make everyone else happy when I’m dying on the inside. Can someone help me? I’m lost and confused.
ok i might have not put enough info or worded the last post wrong but here’s  whats going on I’ve been grounded for months and well my only friend was sent to work with her ant 4000 miles away till school starts but shes in high school and i”m not. also i now have depression and suicidal thoughts and actions and well frankly in going insane i peel the skin of the bottoms of my feet and the edges of my finger. i want my life back but if i even say the word grounded the’ll make it longer…. i feel hopeless i cant sleep […]
I was born to wander,
Between the broken hills and twisted tree’s
To obsess
Over the torments in my dream’s
To always seek
And never reach
In the lands of shadows Is where sleep
Though to whom
This may concern
Ive lost it all and learned to hurt
Ive been low
Ive had no home
Ive been weary right down to the bone
I push on,
Im still awake
For the needs I will forsake
Its what I want
That im after
I will not bow to the rapture
There is a term
A different breed
This I belong, this I heed
I fight […]
Well, I guess, My story starts about 1 year ago… I had been struggling with Insomnia and would do anything to get a full nights rest. I was mean, angry and on the verge of tears constantly. My friend had the same issue, but not as bad, her mom had bought some all natural sleeping aids. They worked great for my friend and I was envious! I had asked my mom as soon as I heard about the success, if she could maybe be open to me trying them out.. I was shut down so fast… I was angry and hurt that she had said […]
Can’t sleep. Can’t get out of bed. Can’t stop checking the windows. Can’t stop this feeling that someone’s watching me. Can’t stop thinking about it. And worst of all, I can’t do anything about it.
I just sometimes ending itall is so enticing because every single worry I have would go away I wouldn’t stress abouy my boyfriend friends, family, school and all of the dumb assignemtns I have, orchestra, band I wouldn’t have any more cares. And the relief that I would experience just is really appealing sometimes but that also wprries me, what of I actually do it it just sounds rrally nice right now. I can’t sleep and I want my emotions to go away they’re so stupis. To not feel amything wow and at rhis momwnt I look forward to absolutely nothing. I’m done
Last week I found this website and thought it might help to get all my feelings out because I kind of hold them back. Actually I hold them back a lot. For some reason I started to not sleep again and I know when I don’t get sleep things get bad. But they haven’t gotten this bad since my suicide attempt last year. I don’t know what I was doing but two days ago I just started taking some pills I had. My boyfriend could tell something was wrong and said he was coming over by the time he had gotten here I had taken […]
I am on seaside with my family.Only my mom saw my cuts on legs and arms but she didnt tell father,i told her not to.Because i promised her that i stopped self harm.And i did stop but the will is still here.I ignore it.I have bf ,and fisrt time in life i think love does exist.I love him,he loves me,our love is strong,he keeps me alive,he is giving me reason to live .He kisses scars on my skin,he try really hard to help me.
But today i snapped.I just broke.I run to the sea ,jump in in,and tried to drown myself .Nobody was watching,i could do […]
Whats’s there to even say about me anymore? What’s the point in saying it. I am now a 19 year old male who has been in a severe state of depression for 6-7 (if not more) years. I hate reading the cliche sayings by depressed people, who just doesn’t know how to express what they feel, but I find myself using those same exact ones. I’m so overwhelmed just in writing this, that I have no idea where to begin… I guess I’ll tell a little of my story.
Well… I was raised by parents who believe/d in a rather extreme form of evangelical-charismatic christianity. Looking […]
I have never cared about boys much, but there’s just this one that I can’t get out of my head. I hate him so much that I love him. It makes me sick. He’s horrible for me, he doesn’t give a shit about me I mean nothing to him, yet he means everything to me. I don’t know how this happened. I stayed my distance, I moved on was engaged. And then Mr.Wrong showed back up in my life and I quickly became a mess again. I hate this evil spell he has me under. I beat myself up inside because I don’t understand why […]