my frends had prom today its all over facebook… i didunt go… i dont even have a girlfrend to hug or a frend… im the sad lonly kid who knw one whants to help cos it will bring them down… crying my eys out chane smoking… this is something i will regret for the rest of my life i startid to cut agen… my dad says im nothing and you may be reading this now thinking “but im your frend” well thank you for that but idk when your siting in your room smoking with asleep playing havent been out for days no money stragly […]
Tag:
Sleep
A story I wrote when I was 8.
“If I was a snake I’d live in a woods where no people were living. I’d sleep under a log on soft moss. Every time I was hungry I would look for insects to eat. If any people ever did come in the woods I wouldn’t bite them but I’d just hide somewhere.   I think i would like being a snake. “
I’m not sure how to say this, I’ve never posted on something like this before. But I quit.
I’m turning 18 in almost 2 weeks, but I don’t think I’ll last that long. I’m depressed, I have been for a while, but instead of accepting that and finding a way to cope with it, my dad is ignoring it. I really noticed it after my mom passed away a year and a half ago. Granted, it’s normal to be sadder than usual during that time, I realize this. To try and cheer up, I tried looking back at the time before we learned she had cancer, […]
Where do I begin………..
Well my mom gave birth to me when she was about 18 or 19. From what she tells me my real dad is a low life dick(excuse my language). Anyways I resently got in contact with him. Things where going great in my life. I had straight A’s, I was very popular, very pretty, guys would fight over me,…….until my 8th grade year. The 1st day back to school was OK, after that everything turned to shit. I started to realize who my true friends were, and that school was the most important thing in my life. In the middle of the […]
I’ve had depression for about 2 years now, and i finally thought i was actually getting better, until about 3 days ago…it all started again, the constant bullying, verbal abuse off family, I’ve lost practically all my friends…I get called ‘cutter’ or ‘suicidal freak’ at school, no one can accept me for who I am…I think about it every night. I stare at the bottles of pills, the razor blades and think should I do it? I’m not scared. I’m not scared whatsoever, its just like going into a long sleep and having an amazing dream, apart from you’ll never wake up, and tonight something […]
A bell rings out.
A pitched sound that hits the eardrum
and cripples the heart.
A line of black parades the street.
The world’s colors fade away.
A black and white existence.
The vibrancy is ripped away.
And the thought that your life may never be the same
is a thought you never wanted to hit you.
But it does.
It hits you harder than anyone has ever realized.
And years have passed.
And you still cry at night
until the tears have numbed the pain in your chest
and you finally drift to sleep;
praying to whatever god there is
that you don’t wake up the next day.
Each morning
you wipe the dried tears from your face
and everyone around you
thinks you […]
It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place […]
(I posted early, I know, but I didn’t fully express everything, it was a tad too vague since I am paranoid of exposing myself to most people.)
I am currently in a rather rough situation, I would love to know how to cope with all the things I deal with on a regular basis. I realized last night I really don’t know how to cope with anything, seeing as I lock everything away, hide behind a smile that no one can see behind since I am so good at hiding, or I obsessively cut myself, overdose on meds (Over the counter or prescription), do anything excessively […]
“keep listening to music because it gets you through everything”
by imlostatsea
written by imlostatsea
life saving bands:
Never Shout Never
Pierce the Veil
Sleeping with Sirens
Suicide Silence
Of Mice & Men
My Chemical Romance
Enter Shikari
Bring Me The Horizon
Black Veil Brides
All Time Low
Falling in Reverse
Fall Out Boy
My Genuine Find
Catching Your Clouds
Motionless In White
The Devil Wears Prada
Blessthefall
We Came As Romans
Attack Attack!
A Day To Remember
Asking Alexandria
(not mine, thought I’d share it)
Go to sleep and close your eyes
Dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wing against a thorn
You know the pain that they have born
Hush a bye baby, you’re almost dead
You don’t have a pulse, your pillow is red
Your family hates you, your friends let you bleed
So sleep tight with a knife ‘cause it’s all that you need
Rock a bye baby broken and scarred
You didn’t know that life would be this hard
So time to end the pain that you hid so well
And down will […]
I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. The fear of being alone seems to consume me. These girls who say they love me, they can’t be serious. How could they love me when they haven’t tried to know me. I’m not trying to lead them on. I’m just too nice to tell them what I really think. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’ve been thinking about death again. But is death what I want currently? I don’t have the desire to sleep except when I wake up in the morning because sleeping is much easier than going through the day. Sometimes being […]
i think theres something up with me. it takes me forever to fall asleep (if i do). smoking doesnt do anything and i dont want to have to drink myself to sleep every night. i have no appetite despite my growling stomach. i know i need to eat and thats really the only reason i eat now, because i know i have to. i have no desire to do anything or be around anyone or talk with anyone lately and most of the time i wish everyone would leave me alone for a while. everything seems monotonous. everything seems banal. all i want to do […]
Im back again, to let out all my emotions.
Today is monday the 17th of june about 10:01am
It all started on sunday. I was working, like i would normally do at Macca. i was doing drive thur so giving to food to the cars and then ths guy was like to me ” Oh i swear i brought this face stuff” im like what? and he says ” your face! i have this brand of face wash and you should try it, ill bring it for you next time ” when he left i ran into the bath room at work and stared at my face.. […]
“monica? monica where are you?” as my mother yelled loudly while walking up the white wood staircase.*bang on door and sound of a door knob clicking* “monica open the god damn door or you will be grounded for weeks!” yelled my mother at my door.”WHAT?” I yelled madly back. “open the door” mother said with a slightly lower sounding voice. “no” I yelled. “monica i just wanted to tell you dinner is ready, if your hungry. i answered quickly so she would go away quicker “no thanks mom im just going to go to sleep” she yelled back ” ok […]
Im not a very important person. I don’t tell people about my problems. I have many. They drive me insane. I wish I was better person. I cant tell anyone abut this side of me except my only friend cole. he is the only one who will ever understand me. ever.
this is a list 0f my problems
1.im different
2.i cut
3.i am bulimic and anorexic
4.suicidal
5.family death
6.commitment issues
7.my mother has been dating a married man I hate for 6 years
8.my family thinks there’s something wrong with me
9.bullied
10.no friends
11.awkward
12.shy
13.anger issues
14.migranes
15.lack of sleep
16.i hear voices
17.cant focus
18.sexualy abused by half sister [longstory]
and last of all
19.i cant stand myself
please help, my family or […]
I ruinedmy life with bad choices, poor academic decisions, bad financial decisions, and dishonesty. When I met my husband and gave birth to our beautiful sweet babies I was so sad. Sad because all at once I knew I would never be worthy of this gift I was given because of my past mistakes.
I have devoted 10 years of counseling to my bullshit, with multiple explanations that the attention seeking and erratic behavior from age 18-23 was linked to feeling worthless at home, feeling powerless, bla bla. I don’t blame anyone but myself. The best way I can explain it is that I was crazy […]
so I called the crisis line if anyone knows wat its liek to talk to them its agnozing to try to tell somone to ask for help when all people do is judge and say Its all fucking up to you really i had no idea i understand there just trying to help but i have heard it so much I have complained so much I know theres six billon people in the world but what dose it matter existence theres so much suffering in the world anyway so why do i matter. I use to be a happy kid even if shitty stuff happned […]
By this time, like I said previously, my life literally felt as if it was crumbling to pieces.
Ever since that one night, my mother’s “friend” had made a habit of having some sort of sexual activity or sex in itself every night, my mother being “oblivious”.
That summer though, my father decided to move back to my end of the country with his fiancé and her son. I was not that thrilled about it.
For two years, nothing really changed. We had a routine developed and everything was once again as stable as it could be. We moved a few times but that’s it. […]
Im tired of living. You can work so hard for something and still end up with nothing. I keep chasing dreams that i think will make me happy but then realize that there is no such thing as happiness. I think to myself how i want kids someday and my time is running out but why would i want to bring a kid into this shitty world? Why would i want to hand over my mental issues to another human being through my genes just so they can suffer? Am i really seeing this miserable place for what it is and just giving up on […]
I can’t remember when I haven’t felt like I am  just waking up because I have to. If it was physically possible just to continue to sleep – I would. I hate facing the day. I drive home hurt and scared and angry every day. I fail as a wife, I fail at being what I feel I should at my job…I am a burden of misery to my best friend whom I ***** to every day. She moves to Germany soon and I know our friendship will fade away. Every day is the same. Most nights during the week I just cry myself to sleep.
People keep […]