If it wasn’t for this website, Im sure i would have flipped… I still want to end my life.. but you guys… you guys made me want to live for a little longer. Im going to try and live that little longer… 🙂
I am a loser.. i can handle it
I have problems, Its going to take time to slove them
Just put on a smile for a show
Make them dance
Thanks Suicide Project
Im 12 and i dont hate my life as much anymore
Tag:
Smile
My hate for you runs deep
but it wasn’t always this way
You made me smile, laugh and forget about the crap that goes on around me,
but now you are merely a contributor to my pain.
I’ve learned to accept you for you and I’ve always looked beyond your appearance
but you would never give a second thought about how I feel.
This is my moment to be selfish, my moment to drown in my self pity
because all this time I have tried to make things better for you. My friend.
I hate that you use me as the butt of your jokes to gain laughs from people who will never […]
Yeah. It’s raining. Storming, actually, but whatever. Same thing. I broke up with Owen. I wanted to give him a chance, but he really was too old for me. Anyway, so I’m a “single pringle” as Dawson says it. Lol. Well, I just found out that Tennyson has a girlfriend. And he’s friends with Brycen again. So, even though I’m not exactly happy, I’m glad that he’s happy. Tomorrow, after school, I have to go to the band room. Kids that want to be in band are trying out instruments, and I told Mr. Kempf  (my band director) that I would help. My little sister […]
I was watching a favorite show of mine when suddenly it wasn’t funny at all anymore. I’m the kind of person that does not laugh much, if at all. This show used to make me crack up, but now it’s only a small smile here and there for me. So one day I was watching the finale of the show, smiling and laughing a little, then it was revealed that one character seemed like he was going to end his life.
Then another character, making fun of him, fakes shooting himself in the head, his mouth making the noise, not […]
I know. I know I’m only 13. I know I can’t be in love. I know I’ve never even gone out with the guy. But I think that, honestly, I love Trevor. But he doesn’t love me. This is why I don’t let my feelings take over. They always make me go back to liking him. He likes Kendall. Well, I mean, he should, considering they go out, but I wish he liked me. I know that everyone would just call me a slut for liking him, but you know what? I know what I am and what I’m not, so I don’t care. I […]
i laugh when i am sad,
i hurt when i am mad
i scream when i cant take it
i drop when i cant make it
i stand when i am strong
and rush the day along
because soon i will collapse
and cave in all the traps
im not really good at life
its an endless endless strife
so take it all away
i cant make the day
when all is good in well
i dont stand a chance in hell
but i am only human
the words that destroy men
i can laugh when i am happy
and smile through the misery
this cant last forever
or ill severe the end-ever
i have my goods and bads
my moments of happy and sads
i am […]
Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what’s wrong, and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the […]
I wish I could live life normally.
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I could smile.
I wish I could go out with my friends.
I wish I could talk on the phone.
I wish I could go to the store.
I wish I could have a job.
I wish I could go to college.
I wish doing those things wouldn’t be so hard
I wish that doing those things wouldn’t make me so overwhelmed.
I wish that doing those things wouldn’t make me want to die.
I wish I could live. I wish I could be ‘normal’.
I wish you could understand.
I wish I wasn’t all alone.
I hope I will be ok.
I hope things […]
Tonight I have a goal. I want to smile. I want to smile, have fun, and let everything irrelevant go. I challenge you to try the same. I challenge you to call a friend and talk, make plans, or just catch up. If you want, I will be that friend. Tonight I will leave the house with a smile on my face and stress free. Please try and do the same, I want you all to realize you’re beautiful enough to be smiling and worries will disappear. 😀
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]
Struggling to stay in this world, like flames on the inside because all i hear is some things that are the opposite of pleasant, everyday i go to school i feel like police cars are having their sirens on, flashlights falshing at me, people staring at me, like it is such a crime that i am even alive, staying in the world is like crushing a can, becuase crushing a can gets hard when you try to keep it straight……….., in the palms of my fingers i feel thumping, like *thump* *thump* *thump*, on the outside you see a smile…, but do you see the […]
I’m scarred.
I have wounds on my body that won’t heal.
I’m tainted.
I have thoughts raging in my mind that won’t be silenced.
I’m desperate,
to find the place in which I know I belong.
I’m lonely.
Living in a house with no one to come home to.
I’m terrified,
that my life has meaning that I won’t discover.
I’m “different”.
I don’t share your thoughts, your opinions, or your ideas.
I’m tempted,
to end it all and move on to another world.
I’m tormented,
by the thoughts and the screams that I hide with a smile.
I’m healing.
Because these scars are only skin deep.
I’m learning,
to love myself and allow others to love […]
The pain hurts so bad, my body feels like someones chrushing it, and i can barley breath. Once again im alone, depressed, and with many sharp objects all i have to choose. But i sit on my bed staring at the clock whispering one more minute as his voice screams in my head “it’s our secret”…..”you better keep it”
“Or i’ll kill you” i wanna scream fun back to my friends, but i’ve gone home for that night and again im alone, the pain is just to much as flashbacks push there way into my head. My heads throbbing and im shaking, it feels like someones […]
I noted a reply to one of my earlier posts that stated I was not actually talking about committing suicide immediately or maybe that was never my intent at all. To this I reply, if you were around on the Suicide Project six to twelve months ago you would not think that. The only reason I did not finish the job was because I was evicted from my home of 20 years because I had lost my job and became broke very fast.
Prior to becoming homeless last April, I had my Final Exit all planned out and was only waiting for the best time…for me.
The […]
aha gettit? Cause I’ll die. I hope you do understand the just of it because most don’t, they don’t understand the god damn fake mask, and quite frankly it itches and I want to take this god awful smile away when it’s not true. I will do it, either your in or your out. Choose, looking at my coffin or laughing beside me on the way down? I don’t want you to die…. Of corse I don’t 🙁 but you won’t let me go, without you too… And.. I can’t take it. Your life or the time in this everlasting nightmare
I admit. I am typically a shy person, but that does not prevent me from judging myself and anyone that I get in contact with.
Just minutes earlier at an university library, some woman in the next study booth was playing Lady Gaga rather loud even though the sign clearly labels the area as silent zone. Lady Gaga may sing awesome songs, but it still distracts me from my study… After 15+ minutes, I had enough, so I walked to her booth, knocked at the booth door. She looked at me puzzled, wondering why I put up a smile as a gesture of politeness. I slid […]
Being alone…is something deadly easily overlooked by “normal people”
by OddOneOut
written by OddOneOut
All I want…all that I REALLY want…is just someone who wants to talk to me…that’s all I need right now…and there’s just no-one. No-one that wants to, because I’m the weird guy who’s always so negative and annoying.
I have things to share,
But no-one really cares…
Nobody knows me at all.
I got lots of friends.
Yes, but then again…
Nobody knows me at all.
And nobody ever wants to.
I don’t blame them for it. I shouldn’t be bothering people with my problems. They don’t wanna know and they have every right to ignore me.
But I really need someone right now. The girl […]
I did it. I told him I did it. I didn’t just ‘leave him a message’ on Skype. I got up, called his ass at 2 am and spoke quietly.
“Hello?”
“……………………..”
“Hello? Domino, babe?”
“……………….. I told you I’d do it..”
“Do what?.. Domino are you okay?”
“I told you I’d do it. I’d–“
“Domino, did you have to call now?.. It’s 2 am…”
“…. I’d thought I’d be safe from it all..”
“… Safe from what?”
“The thoughts.. the paranoia, the facts, everything.”
“.. Domino is someone with you in the house?..”
“……………… Just me, mi amor.”
“Domino?”
“Hm?..”
“How old am I?”
“[protection purposes, I’m not putting what I said, but I was right.]”
“Okay, so you are up, […]
You’re alone and so am I, You’re sick and I’m well or so I believe.
I awake from my dream to only see you both in white.
Now he’s ill and I’m broken how many people will you keep stealing from me until you’re happy?
He was mine to keep not yours to take.
death has fallen for my love.
How long will I have to keep being alone and scared to lose another?
I cannot love for you take them.
How long does my mind plan to play tricks on me?
How long do I keep suffering?
only time will tell.
My sweet Sadistic […]
“There’s something cold and blank
behind her smile
She’s standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself”
I relate to these lyrics so well. Experiencing different drugs to escape from myself. But all the drugs in the world won’t save me from myself.