Does anyone feel like that people who say that “talent has nothing to do with success if you keep practicing” or “don’t give up your dream! :3” or something to that effect are only people who have been so far successful therefore wouldn’t know what the fuck they are talking about? The notion that everything can be that easy if you have the passion for it or the drive and you work diligently? ANYONE can have those things! but is what gives other people the edge is something genetic? sure someone can study techniques and maybe learn to use a new tool. but guess what?! someone […]
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Yeah, I slept two hours, about four the night before. Been pretty sociable lately (kinda unusual for me). Have joined a Recovery Service for peeps with addictions, there are a ton of groups, therapies, classes, my every waking moment will be full yay!
It’s just the sort of thing I’ve been looking for and needing…stuff to get me out of the house every day and provide structure and plenty of social interaction.
And I’ve been reconnecting with long-time friends with whom the contact had lapsed. It feels good folks!
Whole days have gone by without me singing little dirges to myself about wanting to die soon and leave […]
Currently living in Adelaide, South Australia by any chance? I’ve got no friends whatsoever, and it’d be lovely to be depression buddies. Cheesy, I know, but I was thinking perhaps we could help each other through these tough times in our lives. To be honest, I’m sort of looking for a suicide partner, but I’m most hoping to start a friendship.
Today was good. As good as it could have been. I spent the day with someone I’ve missed quite a bit. Things really could not have been any better. But I can’t shake this feeling. I’m so tired. I’m on the verge of collapsing with no one there to catch me. So what’s left? I could pick myself up and keep going… But I don’t know how. I could end it all tonight. I kind of want to. But I’m scared. Is it stupid to be scared? I feel like I’m failing miserably. At everything. I just don’t think there’s anything left for me to […]
Im so young and so unhappy. Lost in a world of pain. I wake up everyday with hopes that it would all just disappear. I want to be better, to feel better to be happy but I can’t. I’m struggling, ive reached in every possible direction for support and help and some sort of guidance but in the end im left with myself and the fury of thoughts that run through my mind and veins controlling me. I love my family and I love my friends but theirs only so much I can take before I break and damn it I think im breaking..
i know he was kidding but I thought about it and, would i enjoy it if he choked me? stabbed me? I don’t know. I mean, I do want to die.
i wouldn’t mind if it was you
i hope maybe, in a weird way, i could get you angry enough for you to actually maybe scare me away or get rid of me. I don’t know. I’m weird. I’m sorry Elu, I love you, really. sort of. I’m not worth being friends with you. I’m not worthy of you’re kindness or anything.
Maybe one day I can find the courage to leave you alone.
It makes me upset when I, or others post about things that are bothering us and are kicked around by some hateful comments. I hate that. For example, “Try living my life for one damn day I don’t cry about it on some shitty website 24/7 for attention. Get over your lesbian self harming self.”. We just need to vent. If people really are on here because they consider being miserable some sort of giant competition, what do you possibly gain out of it? I’m just on here to vent when I feel really shitty. I should find a different forum. This is so childish.
So if you read my last post then you might know that I’ve been depressed since around seventh grade. So around that time (or maybe eighth grade, I don’t remember) I stumbled across this site and made an account. So, yes, this is my second account. I’m certain I made a few posts on here (or maybe one post) on that account, and I have this strange longing to find them or it and read it all. I know, it’s nearly impossible with the amount of posts, plus I don’t know my previous username, or what the post was even called. I know what you’re […]
looking at post i wanted to get in touch with writer but the dates were old, so ill post, the writer said he just bot the tank, cracked it a bit and wallaaaaah… im having trouble with the 400 dollar price of the exit site regulator and the welder supply said they have nothing at all that allows a constant flow….(oops this was for a helium idea, now im thinking ********) Someone said they know all about ******** here, could you tell me why i cant just crack it open and walllaaaahh, actually, this would be as close as i can get so it would […]
This world has overcome me on a whole new level. This emptiness I feel just won’t leave.. It’s useless I really don’t know why I try. I should just lay here and slowly waste away. People ask if you could sit down for hours or days and think about where your life will be in 5 years or 10 years or maybe even just 2 months from now I’ll never have an answer. I can not see myself anywhere new unless it leads to death.. It’s the only way I feel I’ll find some sort of peace. The only way I’ll ever feel like I’ve […]
I have often read many a tragic tail when it comes to this sort of thing. Mine isn’t worth telling. I’m sure there are many others who could of made due with this life of mine. I however, could not. This is merely the result of a life time of inaction. I have always known that I would wind up killing myself, ever since I was 7, I wanted to die. Truth be told, I was really hoping I would of died by now, some sort of traffic incident, illness or even murder. I have been unfortunate to have lived so long.
I’ll be turning 23 on March the […]
I keep thinking about going to therapy again… it never helped me before though… I dont know what to do… i dont exactly have cash on hand for an appointment… Admit myself back into a hospital???… ive never been with a bunch of other adults though… just adolescents… im too terrified of the adults there… would i have to stay for a really long time??? how much would i have to pay for it??? is it even worth it at all??? a knife or water can end it all much faster for me with little to no major pain… id be free, well, sort of… […]
I haven’t posted on here in a while…my last note was sort of melodramatic. A lot has happened since then. I won’t delve into it.
I think I might have an answer. An answer to my depression, my self-harm, my self-consciousness. For years I haven’t felt comfortable in public, around other people. I’ve felt like a giraffe in a group of flamingos. Weird analogy, I know.
I’m a teen female, by the way. But for a while I’ve identified as more androgynous. I haven’t expressed this feeling openly (my family isn’t really open-minded). I feel more confident wearing gender-neutral/transmasculine clothing. But put me in bright tops, and…I’d fucking faint […]
It makes not since.. Back at one..
You told me I meant so much to you, yet when I try to do something to benefit you because I know if I didn’t do what I did, you’d be in serious trouble… you turn everything around and pin things on me, to make me seem like the bad guy.. I can’t say I don’t have any mistakes, we all do.. But I never do anything to hurt you, and if I have it’s not intentionally.. I have only ever cared for you, more than I think I actually know how to care for myself and my […]
A long time ago I used to count down the days until stupid things like when school would start again, or when I would finally move out of the house. Now that I’m a sort of adult those things are just ridiculous. I count down to something much more important. To the day that I will attempt suicide again and I will succeed. It’s scary that I’m writing this down publicly because it’s been a secret I’ve kept to myself for so long now. I’m not looking for a way out, I’m not looking to change my mind, I’ve tried all that and it’s exhausting, […]
I’m ok…well, sort of. I think i’ve moved on from kicking myself for ruining our relationship. Well..mentally. I can look at couples and not have an overwhelming urge to vomit. I can go outside, breathe, smile, laugh and be over all happy. What I don’t understand is the nausea and loss of appetite. It’s been forever. You’d think after a week or so, you’d start having some type of appetite. I have nothing. Every time I eat, I get really nauseous and need to sit very still for a long period of time. I then, go to the bathroom, and wait to throw up. I’m […]
I am going to kill myself soon. I have a question, however? Would it be better to delete my social media accounts completely before I commit the deed, or should I leave some of them for my family to do with as they please? (I also kind of wanted to keep my writing blog up as some sort of…I don’t know, testament to how much I loved creative writing.)
So, would it better to wholly erase my online identity–photos, videos, etc.? Would that lessen my family’s pain, since they would have less reminders of me after I die? Or would it better to let them decide […]
I can’t quite bring myself to include the word “happy” although I wish I could. At least that is my sincere wish for all of you. But I know there is much pain and suffering, and these things make no distinction regarding new years, new days, hours or seconds.
As we do pass this sort of chronological demarcation, I genuinely hope that each of you can find the one hug, one smile, one friend or just one touch from another that makes a difference for you. If but one person finds a few moments of comfort it’s worth all the effort put forth to find it. […]
Coming on this site has made me realize how many of us around the world have stories that teach us we are not alone in the hurt and suffering. Maybe in some solemn sort of way we are all one note away from playing the same song. Perhaps this site shall be our choir and our songs shall live on…
Maybe it will help if I type it all out–my anger, fear, rage, emotionally disability, desire to die. I have been disabled on so many levels, planes, altitudes, planets, and realms of disaster that I can no longer keep up with it all. Really, I haven’t been “dealing” with any of it for so long, if ever. I just want to type this out and not worry about typos, grammar, spelling–because maybe it really will help me. My ride on the crazy train has been going on for most of my life. Now that I’m super obese (been this way before), unemployed for almost a […]