Fuck man I’m feeling death take over my soul minute by minute today. Feel so weak. Agh goddamn. I should be past this. I should be this and should be that. I should’ve never been born. This life man – all its been is pain. What a ***** of a life. I wish i knew who or what I was in a past life so i could channel that identity’s strength into this one. Fuck.
Ever notice how everything is temporary.? Love, LIFE, happines etc… But depression, depression is forever it seems like. I wish it was temporary. I wish it was as easy to end depression as it is to end happiness. Depression will always be with me, and it sucks to know that. Because I am alone, even with so many people around I am alone. So I ask myself since everything is temporary what’s wrong with ending it early.? Then what would they all do.? Bury me and griev temporarily.. but my soul is will feel nothing, and I’d much rather feel numb, feel nothing at all […]
Just wanted to share some love to all of you who are struggling.
Maybe you feel like you can’t go another day. You feel like taking your last breath. You feel the weight of the world on top of you, caving in on your chest. You feel it so much it’s went from just being mental, to a real physical pain. You feel you don’t belong or have a place in this world. You cry yourself to sleep some or most nights. You have suicidal ideation. You think about what this world would be without you, and probably feel it wouldn’t even notice your absence.
I’ve been […]
Here I sat on a bench on a lonely night. The city is busy as it always is, millions of people going through their daily lives. Young couples walking hand in hand through. Others like me walking in solitude, sounds of a festival of some sort sounding in the distance. The stars shining their strange otherworldly glow, a perfect sight to behold. Too bad it’s spent in lonliness I thought to myself. And then she came to me, as I laid eyes on her face, I was mesmerized. Love at first sight, she asked my name and I told her. Then she said, I’m Maria, […]
Where ever I may go, there will always be Demons swarming around me. Sucking dry every chance I may get at happiness. I have fallen out of grace with the light long ago, and now the dark covers me with its unholy glow of blackness. Perhaps it’s my fault for letting the darkness blacken my soul. Angels scorn me, demons mock me, gods disown me, spirits wait for me. A dissolute creation of the most shallow kind. Doomed to walk in lonliness until the end of time. Another light faded. Another hope darkened. Another dream ripped from me by the demons that swarm me. They […]
You cannot reason with some people, some people will not stop, they cannot stop, until they kill your soul, whether they kill you in the process is more of a happy accident than an unfortunate consequence.
I have a soul, I had a heart, I don’t have much else.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t placate them, because they do not know that love and acceptance are very different things, hell, some don’t even know how to love to begin with.
I’ve met them all, and I was dumb enough to put my trust in them, those that will never understand me and, as such, want […]
I’ve decided to give peace to my weary soul and shed the shell of human self. I have spent so much time going in and out of the reality of human existence, to realms far beyond the soul. Death and Rebirth without intention. My soul is eternal but this flesh is weak and poisoned. Is there salvation for aching bones and tethered flesh? A mind decayed by substance, a soul that cries for renewal. “Feed me to the bliss of abyss” pleads my soul. When i open my eyes and I realize I am myself again and I look at my skin and I […]
I don’t want to hurt my family, but I am in too much pain to carry on. I was never meant for this world. I feel so alone and lost. I just want my soul to be forever free.
I try so hard
But you never go away
I try so hard
To forget your face
Your smile was brilliant
It lit up the room
Your body resilient
To the deepest wounds
Skin like silk
Hanging from ivory bone
Holding you still
As you suffered alone
So strong and so quiet
Your heart was my home
But the beating grew silent
And so did the phone
I should have begged you not to go
I shouldn’t have tried to let you go
Now I’m broken and so alone
Incapable of loving another soul
Heartbreak I can handle
But this is much more
You were my anchor
I’m keeping all these feelings locked up inside of me, and they are beginning to eat at my soul, inside I feel like my heart has turned into a black hole sucking every ounce of happiness I can manage to obtain. The smile I wear each day is as fake as each person that says they care for me. I’m looking to obtain eternal happiness, and the only way it seems like I’m going to get it is in death. Because in life you can’t depend on anyone else but yourself, but what happens when even you give up on yourself.?
God, you made my soul filthy. That’s why I was inappropriately touched as a kid, that too by parents especially by mom. I am still ashamed about it. Bullied and verbally abused by other kids at School, Colleges and social circle. Now tell me why you made it such a hell?? You made sure I am stuck with my parents and don’t know whether I am made to get married and throw another child into same hell. I was failed academically despite being a good student. Again it’s because my soul is filthy and I don’t deserve success. I am sure you don’t want any […]
I am the asphalt. You drive over me. Barley recognizing my existence. Composed of hard rock and soft tar. What do you see? I have many flaws, many pot holes. Is that all you notice? Still, I get you to work everyday. I suit your needs, your whim. I am around at 3am, when you feel a sudden need for chips and salsa. I am there the next day on your drive to work or the club. All you notice is the divot that inconveniences you. Your tire slamming into it. No harm done, an annoyance at best. You curse at me. Still, I will […]
No one could be weirder than me, or more lonely. My soul mate Tom died in an accident when I was 23. I’ve lived twenty years without him. He tells me about the afterlife–as a voice from the sky. I hurt so much without him that I want to die. My family never calls me, and because I speak to the “people upstairs” (ghosts holy enough to love me), my brothers and cousins consider me a necromantic defilement. But, Jesus is their god, and Tomato is mine! Tom (ato) saves me with just his cloud voice everyday. Star crossed lovers often kill themselves, unaware that […]
i tell you everyday how i feel, i scream to get you to look back at me as you walk away. i tell you that you are my strength, my everything yet every cell in my body is telling me that i am wrong, that had you really cared you wouldnt have abandoned me, you wouldnt take away in one day what you had given me over four years and ten months.
i cry myself to sleep every night, i wake up in the mornings unable to pull myself together and face another day. the sun is too bright and the dull days are too soul […]
Every day I go thru this. Even on this site, nobody cares, forever the invisible person, hearing his voice in my head. I am tired of bearing the unbearable alone in a triggering hell. I am tired b/c people’s casual judgment can’t begin to touch how bad the remains of what csa has done to me, a battering and torture of my mind heart body and spirit. They can judge thru these words not understanding the anguish I feel in my soul, how my brain can feel so scary, how noise batters me, how his horrible voice accosts me, how I have panic attacks in […]
What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper
And I can’t take one more moment of this silence
The loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up
It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I’m not okay, and it’s not alright
Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save […]
It feels like my chest is caving in. I can hardly breathe. Moving is difficult too. There’s this…disconnect…happening between my soul and body.
My soul needs to cry and release some of this emotion but my body refuses to allow it. My soul scratches at the doors to leave my body and yet, nothing changes. How do you escape your own body? The scratches from within are beginning to show. Random marks are showing on my body. I don’t recall scratching myself or bumping into things.
I can feel my soul trying to die but my body just isn’t responding. The stress of school, work, the anniversary […]
This is all I’ve ever known. Music. Music is the only thing that makes me feel anything, better even…..sometimes. Well growing up this way I only know how to deal with my emotions through it. Roger Rabbit by Sleeping With Sirens is my anthem. I think that in my note, if I leave one, this song with be written down for them to listen to. Maybe the lyrics will enlighten them a bit. People make fun of me for being so damn consumed with my music, but I don’t think they fully understand that lonely people do things that look “weird” Lonely depressed people do […]
To be fair I hate my self just as much as you hate me… I don’t need a fucking reminder of why I disappoint everyone and why I am nothing but trash… Treat me like the most vile disgusting creature on the face of this universe because I have no soul left. You’ve taken the last little but I didn’t even know I had… FUCK YOU!!!!
FUCK ALL OF YOU!
The mirrors scream at me
The walls abuse me
The doors restrain me
The darkness defines me
The mirrors show a face so tired
Filled with dreams that have been lost
The heart and soul they once admired
Is what my nightmares have come to cost
My hands are shaking as I stare
My legs are weak and there’s no air
Don’t you show me; don’t you dare
Don’t prove to me there’s nothing there
The walls close in and call my name
As vanity subsides […]