This is the first time I’ve done anything like this but I’m going to tell my story as best I can. I guess I’ll start by describing where I am now, physically and emotionally. I’m turned 21 this year and study engineering, of which I have completed 3 of the 8 semesters. Based on my academic record I’m a good student (or so they say) but the political situation in my country makes it difficult to acquire scholarships for one of my ethnicity (not that I need it as my family is quite well to do). Haven’t had a relationship in one year+, don’t have […]
What’s your song line that touches your soul most at the moment?
(please: just SIX lines per person)
I’ll start with Anastacia’s “Everything burns”:
“But she will sing…
‘Till everything burns, while everyone screams,
Burning their lies, burning my dreams,
All of this hate, and all of this pain,
I’ll burn it all down, as my anger rains,
‘Till everything burns…”
I feel like if I could just feel happy sometimes, I could make it happen more often. Is there anyone else who hardly remembers being happy? I have better times, but they’re still painful. I still feel virtually powerless over my depression. I feel like I should have it figured out by now. It’s been years.
I looked in the mirror earlier, and apart from the walking stick and dressing gown, I looked like an ordinary healthy person. Some days I can function almost completely normally, and I think I must have been exaggerating – I hardly remember what the worst days were like. But it […]
lately, i’ve had a new problem pop up. i’ll feel fine once, and suddenly, i’ll feel so angry, and get worked up over the littlest of things, and then sad and i’ll start crying, and whatever the hell comes. what is wrong with me it’s fine if it’s a while, but it’s been going on for a while honestly fuck this
I can’t even think. I feel dead inside. There’s always a reason to keep me down. SROs are like prisons that you pay market rate apartment rent for, to have a prison cell sized room, be controlled, moniotred, have your belongings rummaged through every othe day, and aren’t allowed to have visitors beyond common areas. Fuck that. I hope I don’t get in. I’m going to put an end to this shit soon.
I don’t even feel as in love as I once did. He kind of pisses me off that he can complain about his life and problems, even posting on Facebook that he wanted […]
To Angela
Angela, this may be the last letter I write to you. I guess my time here is up. I’m sorry for everything… I didn’t mean to lie to you. This life is no fairy tale. This life is not a garden of sweet roses… rather, it is an fearful enigma of pain and sorrow. I thought that I could save you… give you happiness once and for all… but I am merely just a fantasy. I am fake. And though I have reached the crevice where I couldn’t reach out to you and pull you close to my chest again, but I need you […]
I just wanted to say that if you’re someone who’s going through a really tough time right now…..don’t give up on life. Really… just don’t. Stay alive……..Also stop getting so caught up with the media. Stop staring at the screen so much. And give your ears a break with those ear buds and those big bulky headphones. There’s someone out there making a profit off your inner sadness with those things. Don’t get me wrong ….music is awesome but for those of you who use it as a crutch to get through your day need to stop doing that. Stop using that crutch and start […]
I have the worst life story ever ,All of my life I was alone and depressed I used to cry a lot and I have cut my self in the age of 13 ,I am now 20 but still feeling so alone and worthless ,My life changed when I’ve finished High school and it became better .. but after the first semester of university so many problems came to me at once ,and I’ve met bad people that made my life a living hell ,Felt in love with the wrong person .. and he broke my heart in the worst ways .. and in the […]
I just want to cry. To curl up and cry until I sleep. My depression is kicking in and I don’t want to deal with it. Over the days it will get worse and my imagination will start to take over and become my reality. I don’t want to deal with this.
I keep spinning back to the darkness. I have one good day and then cycle down to the lowest low. I KNOW I should be seeing a therapist but there is no money for such luxury. I am intensely jealous of all the people in my life who do not work – have not worked for years – and they have shrinks. They see doctors. They have every medication under the sun to even them out. What’s my med? I get to fake it. That’s my med. I get to wake up every day and go to work and be nice and friendly and productive. […]
I’ve always had a theory. Our lives comprises of mainly two distinct aspects, “professional” and “personal” and we’ll need either of the two to at least find a reason to survive. Well, I got none at this point. I’m neither a person with an an amazing career worthy of mention or a perfectly polished personality nor am I a happy unicorn with a handful of moments to remember when I die. I feel I’m the poorest among billions of souls in this world right now.I’m scattered in pieces searching for my identity and I feel I’m doing some kind of favor to the world by […]
Dear life,
I’m sorry. i guess I should start with that. I’m sorry for failing you. I’m sorry that it didn’t get better. That the things I’ve done have left scars on my body and the scars on my heart. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to smile more genuinely. I’m sorry that my laugh was plastic and stale. I’m sorry I spoke to loudly or never spoke at all. I’m sorry that I didn’t try to fall in love. I’m sorry I was so afraid of falling in love. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the best me I wanted. I’m sorry that my “phase” got […]
i cant speak. everytime someone trys to get me to talk about my feelings i choke on my words. I’ve always kept my emotions in i guess i got used to not talking about them. someties its just random things like about my day or whatever its hard. i start to breath heavily and i get scared then wont say anything. my best friend ariana gets mad when i do that but i cant help it!
Soooo this is my first post thingy so no hate unless its at least funny and please comment your own thoughts.
I wanna start out by saying how weird life is and how unbelievably random it could be, but also how planed it ends up being. Like if I make a good choice to hang out with my first friend which goes into a bad decision of doing drugs, which leads to a path with fake friends. Then of course ended up here at block one with no friends just to start all over.
But I cant help to say that I kinda liked that part of my […]
Okay, normally I don’t like talking to anyone especially my family but this time I was kinda forced. So me and my sister started to talk and then she mentions taking antidepressants and I just start having this major panic attack and just ran away from home for a couple of hours. I don’t understand why I panicked so much.
moving from Ohio alone was something I had to do. I was going through a horrible depression and needed a fresh start. Living in Virginia with no family is hard sometimes but it’s something I feel is right for me At this time. My grandma lived here so I came to visit her in November of last year. It started as just a vist and I’m still here! She’s not though, she moved arcoss the country.. Now I’m with her sister whom I met when I got here. I’m 20, and alone basically. I’ve made a few friends here! Trying to find myself and who […]
Life is like a wonderful toy. You give this wonderful toy to a toddler who loves playing with it until one day you take this wonderful toy away to the dismay of the toddler. It was the plan right from the start.
Why the flying fuck would you give the toddler the toy in the first place if your plan was just to take it away?
An adventure in a really strange land full of happy towns and dark valleys. Once you get off your village there is no way back and you must keep walking and walking until you have your feet in blood. If you get lost, oh dear, that is your end. The demons that live in the darkest valleys will follow you day after day, night after night, and at the most small sign of weakness they will eat you alive. You can truly believe that they are not real and they are not following you, but they are. They are so real like you. And once […]
I guess I am writing this for everyone else out there who understands what I’ve gone through. To know you aren’t alone nor are you ever alone no matter how much you may feel that way its not true. I have been battling depression and suicidal tendencies since I was 8 years old. From age 9 to 17 I was raped and molested by my friends father. He is in jail now, but it really messed me up. I started cutting starving binging and purging because i needed to control something again because of how much I had lost. I didn’t know what else to […]
Ive been afraid to post here because that will mean the depression is surely back – well this sucks, I can think of a plethora of triggers that may have caused this to start. I don’t know what I am expecting from you all, maybe a little support, a little hope. Im afraid this might be the straw that breaks the camels back. So much pressure right now in my senior year at college, looking to apply to grad school and all I can think of right now is what kind of knot to use in my noose.. I feel so crappy.
