Nothing is scarier then fearing hope. When you’ve hoped against hope that everything will turn around and everyday will stop being a consistent battle…
Tag:
stop
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
The dark will consume you, you know that right?
What do I do about it? How do I make it stop?
Make it stop? It is what is called an inevitable outcome, the bi-product of a hatred you have built for years. You can’t just choose to forget the past, when it wants you, it will come for you.
But I only ever meant to know why, never for a sinful desire to be fulfilled…I promise I am not a bad man.
But that is not what you tell yourself at night, it’s not the prayer you recite in your head throughout the day.
No…I suppose it isn’t.
Correct, it is […]
Today has gone kinda of smooth felt shit waking up and most of the morning then afternoon seemed to level out now at home and can’t stop fucking eating maybe it’s the anti depressants ? Or am I comfort eating ? Or trying to fill that void inside there is always that void inside I don’t no what it is but I no I always need it filled with food drink sex etc why is that void there what is that void I really don’t know but I really hate my weight I’m not over weight I just think I’m fat but I’m […]
I can’t take the pain anymore. Can my heart just stop beating already! I want to die… NOW!!!
When you are talking to your friends and they make “harmless” jokes about what you feel and what you do to yourself everyday, what do you say?
I know they do not know what happens when I’m home by myself, but they always make self-harm jokes or suicide jokes. I have recently been trying to open up more to my friends and to actually talk to people but I haven’t gotten to the really deep stuff, and I probably never will. But I have tried getting them to stop using jokes about self-harming or suicide but they just question why I am saying to stop.
Everyday they […]
I had everything going for me before college. I grew up in a great family, we loved each other, and I had an awesome relationship with God. Seriously, he was my best friend. One of the things I couldn’t understand, though, was grace. How the hell could he put the sins of nations onto one man and just forget what we’ve done?
Im in college now. I wanted to die 5 times in the last 2 years. I just couldn’t make the pain stop. So I let go of my faith in God. I don’t really care about sin, being reckless, or being happy. The only […]
Everything seems ok, then someone asks: are you ok? And I start crying non stop. Yes everything is ok.
I have to go work, but I get there and do nothing.
I am feeling empty.
A few good opportunities came to hand this week. Things I would have given everything else for, a year ago. And here I am, not giving a fuck for them.
I just want to cry. I just want to stop feeling this sad.
Looking at my posts, they just all seem so whiny. They’re all just me complaining and being weak and wanting attention. I will not let myself have attention, I don’t deserve attention by whining about things, so I’m just gonna stop posting.
So it is happening again, the depression and urges of suicide are growing stronger. The temptations are so hard to resist it’s like a chain I can’t escape this feeling. Why live an unhappy life? Depression is lifelong so why put up with this misery? It’s not environmental, I have a good job, good friends… it’s more like a riptide pulling me in no matter how hard I try to swim away.
Here is my story: like many of you my childhood was abusive, I was preyed on early and there are things that happened that I can never forget. I coped with drugs starting in […]
I think it’s safe to say I’m extremely passionate about music. I tend to get, obsessive. Lately I’m hung on Leo. I want to be him. He makes metal covers of pop songs. Acoustic covers of metal. I’ll never be THAT good. I’ll never even play for anyone besides my kids, I’ll probably stop when they’re capable of judging me. Anyways enough of why I suck. This is a cover of Adele’s Hello. I hate her version for the record.
Well yesterday was a good day… a lot of things were starting to fix themselves or at least thats how it felt. And yet… I am feeling so incredibly lonely…it’s as if I could go crazy if I don’t have someone to talk to.
but I am feeling so alienated… as if I were talking to people that lived in a parallel dimension, somehow I never reach no one. I feel rejected all the time.
I need people around me, and that’s so hard to achieve, because everyone is busy living their own lives, and I don’t want to live mine
I wanna stop feeling lonely…
I’ve been living with my Fiancee for over two years now. Well, I guess I should say ex-Fiancee, even though it kills me to. We had a lot of problems, I won’t lie. In a way, our entire relationship has been building up to its own end.
In the beginning and for at least a year she had a serious jealousy issue. She cut me off from my friends and family and constantly accused me of not really wanting to be with her. She left me countless times just to turn around and take it back. I always let her.
When she eventually started getting better, for […]
even with a heart broken 1 see the divine within you all! you art the source pure and forever free stop playing games with yourself be silent and see!
I know I don’t mean anything to any of you, but I just need someone to know how scared of myself I am.
I continuously have dreams in which I end up dying, more often than not, by my own hand. I’ve jumped off buildings, jumped in front of moving cars, slit my wrists, overdosed, etc. I day dream and lose myself in suicidal role plays threatening my sanity. I wish I could turn off my thoughts for a day. I wish I could stop getting lost playing scenarios like pornography to an addict. Am I addicted to the thought of my death? Do I desire […]
(Not a poem this time, I just need to rant)
I’m a size 8. I still feel like a size 18.
I wear a medium shirt. I still feel like a size XXL.
I look in the mirror and my face bloats.
I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. I hate the dimples in my cheeks. I hate my lips. I hate my chin.
It’s been getting worse lately and I don’t know how to stop the skewed perception I have of myself.
I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, I do yoga, I eat healthy (I’m vegan ffs) yet I still feel disgusting and guilty everytime I […]
Mom I need help.
*rolls up sleeve
Mom I can’t stop.
*pulls out blade from pocket
Mom please help me.
*falls to knees and starts to cry
Mom why don’t you understand.
Mom why do you say it’s a phase.
Mom I’ve been like this for ages.
Mom just listen.
Mom don’t leave.
Fine, mom I’ll fix myself.
But mom, no promises.
26th of January
They said suicide is the coward’s way out.It is the one big solution to a temporary problem.But what if the problem is permanent,will suicide be an available solution?Today I’m starting my countdown,a countdown where it will all start and at the same time end.Nobody can stop me because even I cannot stop myself.So love me,care for me,stay with me,because the last days of my life will soon be a tragic end.
My arms and wrists itch and burn. I relapsed bad last night. Can you even call it a relapse if you never tried to stop in the first place? I took pills, too. I can’t stop taking them – both in large quantities and small. I think I’m getting addicted. I’m ill. Everything hurts. And I’m stuck I college. Class starts in 7 minutes, and I feel awful. Despite the pills, and how many I took, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just needed the pills. I needed to get rid of the pain, and I couldn’t cut at that exact time. Surprisingly, my […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.