Hi everyone,
I’ve been on this site before back in december 2012 when things were at their worst. My name was Gumpy btw. I’m nearly 18 now and things are… a tonne… ‘better’ you could say. I’ve been on medication which has helped. I feel so bad about things getting better though, so i’m not happy about the progress. Now i’m just stuck and confused on what I should do. My main problem is my looks, they are horrific… like half shrek half hunchback of notre dam. I don’t want to live looking like this, I won’t allow it. So my only choices are suicide […]
I feel like I’ve tried everything and while sitting here at lowest actually LOOKING UP WAYS TO KILL MYSELF, I stumble upon this site.
And it’s like a whole new world opens up to me. For the past week and ever since 2007, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and the possibility of being severely depressed (I won’t self-diagnose myself but that’s the only way I can describe the way I feel). I’ve always been afraid to try and seek professional help mainly because I never thought I could pay for it. Now in my early 20’s, I have a full-time job and I’m STILL scared to […]
I’ve been on this site for 4-5 years. When i was more active in the community, these are the people who meant the most to me. Please let me know if you reconize or know any of these members. It would make my day.
No one remember Klaurens I’m sure. But exhausted24 was the coolest person ever. I still have the emails from kallie’s family after she died. Dawg and AtTheEnd, and Duke were everywhere. Every single post, they would comment on. There’s this annie girl that showed me this site. She’s always meant the world to me. I know pasceltrees is never going to see this, […]
I am at the breaking point! I have almost gone a full year without cutting myself, and thought my life was getting a better to the point I feel happiness for the first time in a long. Yet my past finds ways to remind me why my life is not worth living, along with being disgrace and will not amount to anything in life. I am afraid to talk to someone because, I do not want to scare or lose people in my life or seen as though I am looking for attention because I am not! I try so hard to get my life […]
I believe I am apart of a minority of people. I suffer depression and anxiety, but I am far too caring to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my family. I’ve tried antidepressants, they did nothing. Someone I know from school recently went into a Mental Hospital and I am angry. She is in there because 3 months ago, her friend killed himself. She knows the reason as to why she feels so bad. I have no idea why I feel like this. My life is good, better than many. I am not ungrateful nor am I selfish, but I hate being alive. I […]
Can I be dead, is that allowed? can I just die and dispear? I don’t think anyone will notice except my best friend/sister….
I was thinking about suicide and came to the conclusion that it is also a very “romantic” and passionate thing to do. This may sound awful, but I enjoy reading and hearing about suicides online and in the news. I do feel sorry for their loved ones, but it just inspires me and makes me think if they can do it, so can I and other people who no longer desire life. I try to put myself in their shoes, alone with some gun or rope or at the edge of a cliff ready to dive head first….adrenaline and excitement in their blood knowing life, […]
Living this way is drowning. You’re dying, your legs are getting tired, your arms are getting slower. Your breathing is ragged, your mouth is full of water. It’s like a sped up battle for your life, flailing and gasping, heart pounding, ears ringing, the cold, while at the same time everything is in slow motion. It seems to stop. Or it doesn’t stop at all. It just stays there. You’re dying, but you never stop. It never ends. You keep taking that last gasp all over again. You keep dying. But you never die.
Every time I try to write a note I just keep writing […]
I have tried everything to keep myself going I’ve tried to see if life gets better. Let me tell you, it doen’t (at least for me). Lets go through what ive done, they say that opening up to someone will help, I thought I could tell my friend because he was good to me and we trusted eachother before. Wrong I told him and he bullied me for it. Now I have know one. My days are the same wake up with no energy, go to school to only expell the only energy I have, cry and eat for an hour and sleep. Yes because […]
The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window […]
my life is so fucking shitty that i cant even write it out into words. why continue? people stay alive because they want to live, but what about the people who dont? why are people convincing us to live when all we really want to do is die?
Do you ever feel like you want to be left alone like no one ever talks to you ever? That’s how I always feel, I always want to be alone. People just piss me off, sooner or later, they will piss me off. I just want to stay alone like the introvert i am. When i stay alone i love the darkness, it makes it easier to look myself in the face. But it is still hard to do. It’s easier to stay sad and not be judged in a dark and empty room. When I go to school, I mask my pain with humor […]
🙁 Life sucks….
My life up to now has been nothing but crap….. Superficial, fake, and just tiring. I’ve grown tired of having to fake how i feel just to cope with family and friends and life in general when inside i feel the opposite of what i’m faking. I was told that if you worked hard you do anything. That nothing was impossible… To only find out that i was being lied to. Everyone else acts like life is great when it really isn’t… They blind themselves from the thought that there really is no point to it. Anyways i was wondering how could i […]
This month, I was a victim of abuse. Twice. No, not “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse”, it’s “treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. I’ve been abused many times now, but I think this month is the worst.
Abuse story 1:
So, one day I was in class, didn’t finish my work, so I was supposed to stay back for recess, but I didn’t want to. The teacher dragged my collar (I was about 3-5 meters away from the class when this happened) all the way to the classroom door, and threw me. I hit something, so I got […]
I want to overdose and die
I want death
So badly
So badly
I almost crave it.
How do I stop these thoughts? All I seem to think about is death. Suicide. Being pain free. Am I wrong for that? Am I being selfish? Don’t I have a say in my life? Yes… I am being selfish. And, yes, I am wrong.
Where has the time gone? I’m losing track of everything and I can’t seem to grip onto something and stay focused and keep moving with life. I feel so stuck and out of place and away from myself, from the world, from reality. I’m so lost and angry and horribly sad and I […]
I was born with an anxiety disorder as well as some minor facial deformities and cognitive deficits that affect my ability to socialize and have been struggling with all these things along with major depression and body dysmorphia for much of my life (am 21 btw). I have nothing in life, no friends, just dropped out of college, can’t hold a job, and very little family. I actually just met my father for the first time this past year and was hopeful that that could blossom into a positive relationship. But while I recently was in his city for unrelated reasons I offered to meet up with […]
So i’ve been living throughout this suicide phase for so long, ever since elementary school. I’m less suicidal though, I’ve learned to have self-determination and to live by my own standards and goals. I’m very active now and try to do positive things that helps me ignore the negativity in my life. This thing so called “family” is a word I erased from my dictionary. Family was never there for me. (sorry and excuse me when I jump all over, my thought process is really fucked up so ill cut it into chunks that cut my thoughts)
My story goes like this, typical asian scenario where […]
I never really had a problem with people abandoning me because of what had happened to me a couple years ago. I was 10 years old when my best friend passed away due to an asthma attack. I was so devastated and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to go on with my life now that my only friend had gone.
I never wanted to get out of bed and i especially struggled when it came time for me to go to school. I lost so much weight and by the age of 11, i started cutting. I didn’t know how else […]
I love how you tell someone you’re getting over depression and they say, “Oh, one of those” and just stop talking to you. Yeah, that makes it sooooo much better. People are shit and there is nothing I’ve ever seen to make me think otherwise. The only times people even TRY to act like they care is when they are selfishly trying to feel like they are a “good” person.
I’ve been trying so fucking hard to get over being suicidal… I’m TRYING to keep it together… I’m TRYING to, even if I don’t have hope, LIVE at the very least. Yet I get more SHIT […]