It’s weird how calculated I’m being about my own need to take my own life. The reason I’m here in the first place is because I have so many emotions I can’t control/deal with anymore. And here I am thinking of all the things I need to get in order before I go. I need to get a job and pay off my student loans so my parents aren’t left with grief AND debt. I need to leave them all my passwords. I need to get my room in order and get rid of as much stuff so they don’t have to go through everything […]
Tag:
Suicide
Just a couple of days ago my friend and I planned an amazing road trip! On Oct 22 we are heading to Los Angeles! I am going to meet an amazing girl I have met on the internet and then on Oct 25 we are going to commit suicide. A little messed up, but ever since the plans have been made…I’ve been happy. Well, about as happy as a suicidal schizophrenic can get. I smile more and I crack jokes more often… But the girl I’m meeting isn’t as happy as I am. Sure that’s put a damper on my mood, but I’m uber excited and I can’t wait […]
Have you ever watched someone you love self-destruct right next to you and not be able to do anything about it?
I have. Â Many times.
I’ve been there for her so long, and she doesn’t even care. Â She doesn’t even know how hard it would affect me if she actually finished what she started two years ago.
I can barely function anymore because I am so afraid that every moment she isn’t with me, she’s trying again.
Losing her would probably finish me off. Â For good.
I’d check out permanently. Â Suicide would be a plausible option then.
Please don’t let that happen. Â Please–if anyone cares.
But no one cares. Â About her. Â About […]
My best friend tried to commit suicide in January 2012.
Again in May 2012.
Again in September 2012 because of a fight we had.
Her family threatened to sue me if I ever talked to her again.
Me and her made up at the beginning of this summer.
Even when we were still on the outs, I was there to help if she needed it. Â I don’t know if she knew that.
I’m just so tired of suicide.
She has me. Â I’m completely devoted to her and keeping her safe and alive. Â She’s like my sister, and she has me on her side. Â She just doesn’t care.
My heart is broken from watching […]
I haven’t been on here in months and I won’t deny that things have actually gotten much worse. I mean one minute I’m saying “I got this, I can make it” and the next I’m saying “okay I’ll just end it all on my 21st birthday.” My feelings go back and fourth. And now it’s just all coming back. My plan was to end it all on my 21st. To see if things ever get better. I realize that im still young, and all that, but some people just weren’t meant for life. Sometimes I feel bad because I wasn’t put through so much torture […]
before , I would always say that I was bored doing something from time to time .looking back from now I realize that I diddnt know a thing about being bored.now in my current life I am always bored…its kind of difficut to explain. I am emotionally numb except for those weird moments where I feel sadness.sometimes I feel so sad that I want to cry but I cant. I cant cry, most of my laughter is false and other emotions just arent there.without my emotions ,I am just a soulless body and that is why my current life is so damn […]
They say time heals all wounds…but I think that’s a lie. I think it’s just something that someone made up one day to tell someone they knew that was struggling through something. I wish there was some magical thing that could help every person that is depressed or suicidal because I know how suicide can hurt people you don’t think it would…I know how much it sucks to be on the other end of suicide, and even I feel guilty for wishing I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. I miss being happy. But I guess when you’ve lost one of the most important people […]
I’m a 14 year old girl going into highschool and I basically hate my life. I’ve attempted suicide once with pills but I ran out. I self harm. Only 3 of my closest friends know I hurt myself and I’m afraid word will get around. I don’t want to be a freshman and have a harder time in school because everyone knows I hurt myself. I’ve went maybe a month the longest without hurting myself. I hurt myself because I feel useless. I’m not pretty or very smart or athletic or talented or rich. Those are the only things people care about. I’m fat. I’ve […]
For about a year now I’ve yearned for suicide and I’ve dealt with my mental insanity, by myself.
But now I’ve met someone with my same problems! We talk about suicide like its not a bad thing, we talk about our hallucinations like everyone has them, we talk about our anorexia like our parents would be proud, and we talk about running away from home like it’s a normal thing to do.
Sometimes I can’t help but feel like she’s bringing me farther off the cliff, other times I think I couldn’t live life without her. She’s convinced me to set a date for us to run […]
A week ago I was kicked out of my mothers house by her and her boyfriend because I finally told her that I plan to move in with my elder sister, who my mother hates (she isn’t her mother though). Â So all in one afternoon I packed what I needed and I got out…. in the back seat of a cop car I had never felt so free.
That freedom continued for a few days until the other night I got home from work and I cried. I hated it so much that it made me regret moving here, not that I had anywhere else to […]
Remember me? I posted this video last week:Â http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpaekXGWPc
Well, I said I would write up each day what I did for my last week and I haven’t even been able to do this. I’ve been so low I don’t want to talk to anyone and have been cutting. A lot. I’ve come on here everyday but I just didn’t have the energy to write something. I haven’t enjoyed being with my friends or family and suicide is running through my mind all day. I’ve been tempted to take an overdose and have been keeping my medication (My mum has to give it to me now […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I’m writing this because i want to get my story out.
I don’t want anyone’s sympathy or help, I want my story out so if something ever happens to me, at least my story is public and people know why I did it.
As a first thing I’d like to make note of the fact that I do NOT want to kill myself! It just seems like the only way out of my misery. And it’s been that way for quite a while already.
At first i laughed at myself for having a quickly fading suicide moment. (wich smart and sane person wouldn’t?) but after a few years, […]
I’m gonna hang myself tonight. I have no more hope everything’s just too fucked up and life has no fucking sense. It’s time for me to go.
Today was the first day of my senior year. It went okay better then what  i expected. I don’t have  many friends nor anyone  i can trust. So here i go to another pointless year. About a year ago my ex boyfriend left the school because i broke up with him because he had cheated on me. I mean it was the right thing to do ? He got all depressed and tried to commit suicide. He got badly injured and ended up getting  hospitalized for about three weeks.  By that time everyone had known at school and i  got blamed for it. i got […]
I have been living with the thought of suicide almost four years.I can’t be fixed,my past and my present can’t be fixed.Since kindergarten i wasn’t normal!The kids hated me because i didn’t speak ..i think.I was bullied in school,but i don’t want to talk about that.I think i have extreme social anxiety disorder.When i was little i didn’t understand how different i was.I was thinking that i deserve to treat me like less of human.Now i am going to be 12 grade and i think it’s time to go. I don’t want my parent’s to spent money for lessons for someone who have no future.Now […]
I’m the kind of person who had a great childhood. I wasn’t abused or molested. My family loved me and even though I was kind of weird, I had friends. I was content with my life. But, then, in sixth grade, I discovered that I had a gluten intolerance. Then, everything went downhill.
I discovered self-harm as a seventh grader. I started scratching myself with paperclips. I thought it was normal because it seemed that that was how everyone else dealt with their problems. It was “cool.”
I don’t really remember eighth grade, but about halfway through my freshman […]
I wish this life would through me a little hope im really drowning and don’t see a way out but this. I dont see a point of living anymore. I met the women i saw in dreams for many years I was suppose to marry and it was awful but great to cause I loved her so much and she did me to but then bad things after bad things kept happening and she dumped me after 2 and half years together. We had planned on getting married but couldn’t cause im on disability for brain and mental problems i have and if we got […]
I can’t do anything right. It seems like I’m just an illusion to everyone. I told my friends that I cut, and now I don’t have friends. The one person that remains knows that I want to commit suicide on January 1st. But he doesn’t care. It’s not like he’ll even notice I’m gone. I mean, I’m dead already! I hate myself. I’m stupid, fat and have nothing to offer the future. People say that it gets better, but it doesn’t. I’m still waiting for a fix! I can’t even do therapy because I started to lie to her them! The fucking damned shrinks. They […]
In 1993 I committed suicide. It came after years of attempts, and it came not from a long, considered planning process but by sheer circumstance. Looking for one thing I found another. A precursor of sorts. Combined with something else at hand the deed was done. Just before losing consciousness the phone rang. Not knowing I was about to pass out I answered the phone. Then I passed out. When I woke up in an ICU the next day I was angry. So angry that I ripped out the IVs and stalked out of the unit with a gaggle of nurses trailing behind me. I […]