I have been straring blunting at this knife for over an hour,
Crazy how, bam I could be dead it all gone, within a second. I can just do it, bleed to death.
I dont think I can do this anymore.
Tag:
Suicide
This may be an odd question. Hell, even I think it’s odd. You’ve been forewarned.
I have been (and I can only assume others have as well) on this do-I-really-want-to-die-or-not kick recently. God that sounds pathetic. I go through periods of ready, willing, and able, just deciding on a good time and place then back to I don’t want to hurt those I care about before once again planning. I once went to a therapist. She said she couldn’t help until I decided if I was willing to stay alive and actively participate. Yet how does one decide that? What thought processes does one go through in […]
You told me to give you my trust and that you’d help..You told me expressing expressing myself and talking about this summer would help..you said you wouldn’t tell.Ive spent the past two months pouring myself out and honestly all you’ve done is tear me apart..You told my parents everything..You told them I was crazy..They’ve tooken about everything..I swear Lindsey’s the only thing keeping me going right now…you take the credit for saving my life but she’s the one who was there for me when things were crashing!You are just another example of why I don’t trust your just like the rest….You burnt those letters I […]
hi, so.. hm.. i cut since 16/02/2012. And when i was 9 years i was rapped, and when i was 12 my house burned on fire. I lost everything, i lost my hope, lost my pictures, my dresses, my shoes. Everything.
March, 13th 2012, i tried suicide for the first time. since, i tried more 5 times.
i’m scared.
I have attempted suicide more times than I can count from as early as a young teen and more recently over the past year. Finally a social worker basically yelled at myself that I was being selfish and if I suceeded I would be guarunteeing that they will have the same struggle with mental illness that I have had. That is one of my biggest nightmares for my children to have to suffer like I have for 20+ years. But now I almost resent the children for keeping me here. It’s a horrible thought and it […]
I give up. On everything. Nothing is worth it anymore. Nobody loves me. My family hates me, especially my dad. Everyone loves my sister more than me. She’s skinny, smart, popular, and beautiful. Multiple crushes and my own father (he shouldn’t even be called that) like her better. My father calls me stupid, a whore, and a slut. The one boy I have loved since kindergarten told me repeatedly he hated me, that I’m a freak, that I’m ugly and fat and a lot of other stuff that’s completely true. I have practically no friends. They all left me in 6th grade. I was left utterly alone. […]
plain and simple. I’ve gone through the motions, made people think I’m a positive and happy person, but the overwhelming, undeniable truth is that I’m miserable. I welcome death 95% of the time, wishing it would find me, as I don’t want my children and family dealing with a suicide. I live near a mesa, it’s beautiful, has large cliffs ….what if I could make it look like an accident? Oops, I slipped and plummeted to my death. What a shame. I’ve fantasized about this scenario almost everyday for a year….but every time I make it up to the top my endorphins are pumping from […]
Why should I live? Nothing matters. Sure, I have “friends” but they don’t care. I have music, but it can’t listen to me. I have him, but he doesn’t listen to my suicidal thoughts. Everybody judges me. I’m alone in a sea of preppy girls and jocks. My one escape is self-harm, but it’s not enough. Cutting just isn’t enough any more. I’m going to die. I know I am. I’m going to be the one to do it. I’m not gonna sit around waiting for “The Grimm Reaper” I’ll become the Reaper and […]
Hello SP
This is by far one of the oddest things I have ever been asked to do. But here goes.
Some of you may remember me from a few years ago. My wife died in childbirth and my daughter of leukemia. I was angry at the world and god. I tried to kill myself. I meet someone here who saved my life. He talked me down from my darkest hour and we became good friends. He too knew grief, we were bonded by pain.
I was diagnosed with cancer this year, I almost didn’t get the treatment, but he convinced me to change my mind. I am now in remission. He has saved […]
Where do I start…
I’ll start by saying I am not depressed.
That said, I am just tired of life. Depression includes a whole lot of symptoms and the bigger ones are sadness, loneliness and other synonymous emotions. I am not sad, nor am I lonely.
At the moment it’s winter and it’s darker than usual. That may effect me in some ways right now, but I’ve had these thoughts for 6 months now. Longer even. And without a hint of sadness behind them.
I don’t want to live, because I have no drive to do so anymore. I feel infinite amount of contempt towards today’s society and it […]
i love my boyfriend but…. he recently almost killed himself. if it werent for me calling the police he’d be dead. but now he’s mad and im sick of all this shit. i mean i love him but i cant handle this anymore. but if i break up with him he’ll kill himself. plus i know my other friend c. will ask me out and i like him. nowhere near as much as my current bf but i do like him and couldnt say no. and then my current bf would try to beat up c. (and hurt himself in the process because he’s not […]
my bf was going to commit suicide. we’ve always talked about it, but this time he sounded serious. he made me promise not to tell. he said he was going to write him suicide note and leave as soon as he was alone, most likely the next day. he said goodbye, and thank you for being an amazing gf, and sorry about a hundred times. But i was scared so i told my friend who knows all this and happens to be his ex. ive convinced her before not to tell anyone, but this time she said fuck it im telling, and told her mom. […]
If life has taught me anything, its how pointless everything is. If you aren’t rich in a capitalist society your life will most likely be a nonstop living hell until the day you die and there will be very little you can do to stop it. Some people brainwash themselves with religion, some use drugs and/or alcohol, others distract themselves by any means necessary telling themselves someday life will be worth it but that day never happens. Most people die deeply disappointed by life, those that live long enough to be elderly usually just give up and wait for death (visit an old folks home […]
Especially if you are young and healthy and suffering without friends and relationships, admitting yourself into a hospital can really change your mental state around in a big way. Just being surrounded by fellow patients and staff had a very therapeutic effect on me. I actually miss being with all the company in the hospital, despite the abuse. So if you are considering suicide, I highly recommend you check yourself into a hospital first.
Like I said, I am not looking for anybody’s opinion on myself, or any of my decisions. Nobody hates me more than me, so it would be a ridiculous waste of time. I have completely lost the will to live. And I mean that in the most serious way possible. Not because something bad just happened in my life. I just flat out do not want to be alive anymore. I don’t see a real reason to be, either. I am the literal definition of “useless”. I am a complete waste of space. I am probably denying somebody who deserves life precious air, and food. […]
Hello, thank you for taking your time reading my story, just to list some information. Im Norwegian, im 17 years, I am not kidding about my story. so lets begin…
from when i was 13 i started to think: do anyone actually care when im gone? I was thinking ALOT and i’m pretty sure my thoughts where much more serious than other kids on my age back then. How is life after death? Who would cry when im gone? Who would even care? questions remain without answers.
Later on in my life, i got many false friends, actually no real friends.. BUT i’d just carry on, i was sad, […]
I know it’s over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
“If you’re so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you’re so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you’re so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you’re so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know …
‘Cause tonight is just like any other night
That’s why you’re on your own tonight
That’s all I think I can relate too, someone […]
I spent a couple hours reading the posting below. Still not done with them yet, but post #75 was bothering me all night:
http://depression.about.com/b/2005/09/04/suicide-and-god.htm
I am 20 years old. I am female. I am a law student. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am confused.
The first time I sat on my bedroom floor with a bowl of pills to swallow I was 13 years old. My Pop had recently succumbed to cancer, I’d lost a friend and I was just feeling awful. I swallowed two and then got scared. I swallowed two pills a day for four years. Every day. The first time was because I wanted to see my Pop. Every day after that for four years was just routine. What […]