We all need to anchor to something or I have my ups and downs right now is a down but at least the ups happen.

I never knew there was a video for this now 12 year old song. I was depressed when it came out and i still am. I may never overcome it honestly. In some ways i understand that. I dont know how ive lasted this long. There is plenty of reason to be proud of myself. I’m tired of the permanent loneliness. The emotional disconnect from humanity. I don’t have social networking/media. I have never dated regularly anyone in person. Ive never had real close friends save for a needy user. I have goals and hopes and even help with them. Im going to start some businessess with my sister. Thats how i keep myself out of the complete depths of depression. I’m so tired from work ive let all hobbies and intrests slip. I have moments like now (honestly since ive been typing its sort of passed.) These moments where i feel my life is meaningless and pointless and that me being dead would be the best option. So many people here are at the end of their ropes. Then i tell myself I HAVE been fighting all my life. I may be down in this moment but i will get up. I’ll be able to move and exist as i deserve soon enough. My dream is to have the business started by this year and have them be sustained by them by the end of next year. Im giving myself about 18 months of hope. (Its not this coming bday but my next one) if im still in this or a similar position im shooting myself and fallinng off the highest bridge i can get to. But in my heart of hearts i genuinely have reason to believe it wont come to that.