It takes awhile to get to know someone. In my previous 3 posts I have mentioned how I would like to die from autoerotic asphyxia. What I haven’t gotten into much is my personality exists of extreme fight and flight. There are a lot of times I feel intense hatred and rage towards the world and humanity in general. What I can’t really stand are people who have tried to shove conformity down my fucking throat! People just couldn’t mind their own fucking business, so they had to terrorize me and treat me like shit for being different! Is that going to make me embrace […]
Okay so I got on my soapbox about loneliness and how shitty the world is. Been doing this for a long time so it feels like home. I received several comments about getting out and so I did. I went to a local coffee shop, grabbed a chai and sat in the corner observing the world. Did this help – well not really because everyone was oblivious to my presence and once again I disappeared into the wall. I made one feable attempt to communicate but I ran out of energy and dropped to the floor. When I got back up it seemed like I […]
Its odd really, I feel so numb to almost everything half the time and the other half I feel things so deeply I burts out in tears, and I try to cure both with a drink, I don’t understand, I get the numbness and all I want is to feel again and feel the world and once my feeling return I want to shut it off and not feel a thing from all the sadness and pain.
~SN
I think about myself and the world but l can’t understand why we are here then l decided until I’m alive never,never think about this things again.
Even though my life is like a black hole and l want die but life doesn’t stop
But when i was near to the death my friend from the school give me a message about their music concert
I don’t want go but he insisted and l think that is not bad to do something new therefore while i wasn’t sure about that, l went and when it began my heart began to throb, Music is wonderful it’s my reason for […]
i used to be a very happy child. i’m still always smiling almost all the time but it’s a fake smile covering my true feelings. this life means nothing to me. and one of the reasons that i hate myself is that my feelings are easily changed so i cannot be sure about what i really feel.
why are we here? isn’t this a bit strange for you? what does life mean? what if i wasn’t born at all? there MUST be some reasons for being here!
i feel i’m in prison. i don’t like to be here. and sometimes i suspect that other people are not real […]
For the past 4-5 years, i’ve smoked an eighth of cannabis a day, every day, of every week. Needless to say, anxiety is something i’ve suffered with from day 1. Going out in public is hell, I generally sweat more than I can handle due to stress, and risk passing out each time I even have to visit the Doc – whom has no idea I’ve ever touched it. I also get extremely, extremely paranoid and self-concious about almost every part of myself, and every choice I make.
The real problem is, I don’t think it ends at anxiety at all, since 1-2 years ago suicide has […]
The post mentioning GGB reminds me of my story.
I spent some time around GGB with the most perfect woman in the world. I’m on another side of the globe. I flied to her place, and she brought me to GGB as one of the tourist spots.
I don’t think we will meet again. I don’t think she would want to see me anymore. But the photo of two of us in front of GGB keeps popping up in my phone.
And I’m here on this site. I just feel, maybe everything is related.
I’ll start by saying: wherever there’s hope, there’s disappointment…
I don’t know why I visited the place; I hadn’t been to the park for years…Since, probably, at least it is the latest I can remember, me and my girlfriend were little love-birds humping each-other in the toilets. It looked, smelt– felt the same, indeed, so much so that one can only call it, eccentric. Maybe it is the hopefulness the memories possessed that took me there– or maybe my sheer lack of recent-by recent I mean the last 4 years- memories urged me to find comfort in memories that once promised new ones. I really […]
I don’t care about anything anymore. There is no passion left in me. No hope. I used to love reading. I would rapidly devour books. Now I slowly pick through them. I would avidly consume films. Now I get bored and turn off. It all seems hollow.
The world holds no real interest for me. No intrigue. It is empty. Things just …are. There is no purpose to it. No fairness. No intrinsic meaning. Just stars, planets, animals, people, doing what they do. It’s sometimes beautiful, sometimes hideous, but ultimately……empty.
Our civilization is slowly but surely destroying itself, and I don’t even care. We’re on course to […]
As a child I was weird. I grew up thinking that the world was as nice as the sunny Sundays I spent in my mother’s arms when I was a kid. When I got into socializing, at the age of 5 or 6, I started
I do it for the joy
it brings
because i”m a joy
full girl
because the world owes me
nothing
and we owe each other
the world
i do it because it”s the least i
can do
i do it cause i learned it
from you
i do it just because i
want to, because i want to
everything i do
is judged
they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
the bathroom mirror has
not budged
and the woman who lives there
can tell
the truth from the stuff they say
she looks me in
the eye
“would u prefer the easy way?
no, well ok then………………………………..dont cry”
what’s the point anymore? it’s not like anything will get better, might as well just leave the world. Being in care is starting to hurt me physically and mentally, maybe i should either take the leap to end my life or maybe i should just end up going to different care homes every year or month, i cant even handle my emotions in this home, i dont fit in i’m not appart of their family and never will be, should i just end it? Please someone help me i’m asking for your help please i’m begging
Still here. Unfortunately. I can’t even find the bravery kill myself and make the world better for everyone around me (and for me).
My cousin hanged himself in 1993, out in Colorado. My other cousin was an alcoholic and flipped his truck in 1997 and offed himself that way. Not on purpose, I think, but how many happy alcoholics do you know? And here sits the other genetic freak of the family, the other poor sucker unfortunate enough to feel. I was 12 when the first one went, 16 when the second one did. They were both in their […]
So, to make this simple, i fucking hate myself. I am not (and will never be) content with who i am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, i would just thoroughly enjoy killing myself. I am only posting this to relieve myself of hatred, or at least attempt to. I don’t care for sympathy. I do not want help. Nothing will ever stop these thoughts, no matter what anyone tells you. I have more friends in my head than i do in real life, simply because we share the same interests; death. The absolute ONE reason i am still alive is my boyfriend. I don’t […]
It has been 11 months since I got cheated on the day before my birthday. I made a date with the weekend of the 4th of april; I just need to book the hotel.. so far all my plans were about being silent, calm, alone so that my body would be discovered only by the amount of concern people have for me.
Now, I plan to jump down from the highest hotel this city has to offer me with enough pills to make sure that I will be K.O. during the free fall…
The reason? Partly the fact that this girl cheated on me over and over […]
Just an average girl,
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while.
Now she’s older, things are getting colder
Life’s not what she thought,
she wished someone had told her.
She told you she was down
And you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside
She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can’t you tell, look at her dull eyes
Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright
Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves
‘Cause those cuts on her wrist were bleeding through you see
She knew she was […]
I’ve figured it out, people.
Do you know what happens when you die? You’re just a wisp, a ghost, who floats throughout the world watching others
It’s a wonderful, soothing feeling
You learn more about mankind, the flawed beauty
You can watch the president turn older and brittler
You can comfort an abused child, just by listening
You can sit beneath the Eiffel Tower and listen to the rain clicking
You can lie down in a green valley that no man has seen
The possibilities are endless, my ink-stained sorrowful brethren
I know because I took the plunge
hey……does anyone know if there’s anyone on here with the screen name ‘the world is against me? I have no idea who this person is, but he/she keeps sending me hate mail, n saying i’m trying to contact him/her, but i havent the foggiest as to who this is and they wont tell me what their beef is, wont give any explaination……,who is this???
“Sweet soul, you have done more than you give yourself credit for, you are far more beautiful than you make out, you have made your way past moments that could have destroyed you and your future shines brighter than you realize. Celebrate yourself in this moment. The world is fortunate to have you.” ~ S.C. Lourie
Have hope and don’t be so hard on yourselves. You are always better, more important, and more alive than you feel in the darkest moments. there is light and there is a tomorrow.
I’m engaged. She’s the most beautiful person in the world. But I feel so fuckin alone like.. I no she’s the one for me. Recently her roommate don’t like me and made me move out so I did just that . we’ve grown distant quickly. Three days I’ve been back at my grandmothers house. And she has broken promises and knows of my problems… She’s driving me over the edge …yes I’ve told her…and I beg of her not to keep hurting me… But …she doesn’t care… Not text no calls back she’s slowly breaking me know in I’m fucked up in the head… Why […]