This world…….this life ….this day …people believe they Know pain….the truth is no one can describe pain…its not a word every individual can answer…. The word pain can only be described by you….you yourself can explain what it is you think pain is…teenagers believe that every problem is suicidal and what their going through is so bad it can only be cured by death……there friends may think they know what’s wrong and tell them stop its okay …they love u …stop hurting and talk to me….and for some that will change there feelings ….people who do accept the comments made by their friends just means […]
Tag:
the world
I just mess everything up for myself, I don’t know why I cant just make the right choices for once in my life. I’m clinging on to an ex, hooking up telling him I love him still that I want him to be happy even if it isn’t with me. But I havent let go I can’t and I don’t understand why he won’t let go either. I over think it and wonder if maybe because this time I’m suppose to be strong enough on my own to let go. But I can’t just thinking about it rips me up from the inside out. But […]
The difficult thing with the not-yet part, is the illness. Illnesses. Just because I’ve informed the committee that there will be a delay, the pain doesn’t vanish. It gets alleviated somewhat by the placatory there there, one day it’ll be over …but there are still major episodes and major episodes don’t give a fuck about listening, they just scream.
But I can probably do it. Hopefully.
The world is not seeming sweeter as a result. Colours are not brighter. By the time I can go, there won’t even be any goodbyes to say. Does that make me luckier or unluckier than you, who will create anguish […]
down long rodes we ride
no light insite no end near
scars on my arm like wrighting read only by me
i know evry line ever virse
i know the name of ech of the people who put them there
im a cobweb the strans are cut in to my flesh
i cach no flys just pane and greef
my head is a monster ready to rip my heart out
it sends me screeming in to the nigh
“that girls not really there”
the girl at the end of my bed isunt there
the blood on the floor isunt there
im a child […]
today i smoked the last of my weed in a awsom pipe i found kicking around the house today i met a new guy whos odvs a shrink but hes a yank and “hip and cool as was in us airborn” hes ok to nice though… today…. today i cryed cos im in tret of loseing the girl i lov theres biger problems in the world than my love life tthat i haft to worry about like my frends who is crying cos she was raped on the 5 haveing been were shes at i know how shes feeling it neverchanges all the people cry the […]
Congratulations Cattygirl, leader of the free mind. You’ve not only led yourself into a distinct glass case of personal emotion, but you’ve also blinded yourself from the opportunities of ever getting out.
See, you’ve met someone. Not in the romantic sense, but a new optimism. He sees the world in you. The world of chances, the world of past regrets molded into morals. And you’ve decided, through lack of individual distinction that you will give this boy your undivided attention, whilst also shielding him from ever knowing the real you.
But who honestly is the real you? Do you even know anymore? All this talk of moving […]
It’s funny I’m sharing my story here, cause just a couple of hours earlier I registered on here and actually posted a topic to clear my doubts regarding the suicide method I was opting for, at which I was politely told by a member here that this site is not appropriate for it. I’ve read multiple stories here, and I understand their pain, and I see they feel better having shared their stuff so I’m just trying my luck out as well, hoping I can resist the urge to die.
This basically refers to my two friends (C and M, I’m not gonna reveal the names […]
I hate how awful my brother makes me feel. I hate how I have to smile for my mom. I hate how my brother is like my mom and gets easily mad. I hate how I do the same to my little brother and have to try to stop myself. I hate how I do the same things all day. I hate when it’s my mom’s off days because she is always watching to make sure I act happy. I hate how my mom hates the real me. I hate how she loves this mask, this facade. I hate how even on here I’m just […]
6 frends dead and gone ash and rot and blood jumping swinging bleeding out my hands coverd in blood dieing loseing razor cut were i cant scrach the itch i had there names in my skin and now there gone in the wind like there last breth the world forgot them quickly i never will but there names are lost forever the faces are in the front of my mind i love them all i love them all
my littel joke has always been i tick the remember me box when i sine in cos that way at least some one will its a sham that its becomeing more and more true iv just come back from a larp event a place were NO ONE GIVES A SHIT WHO YOU ARE OR WHATS WRONG WITH YOU AS LONG AS YOUR UP FOR FIGHTING RP AND DRINKING AS LONG AS YOUR A NERD OR A GEEK AND AS LONG AS YOUR NOT A DICK UP FOR A LAUGH AT EVREY AVALABUL TIME YOU ARE COOL non of them give a shit about my spelling or […]
Sometimes I think I was born suicidal. No idea whether or not that’s actually possible, but I was certainly born … damaged. I’m choosing my words carefully, I don’t know how much I want to say yet.
But yes. Born damaged and then damaged a whole lot more in various ways.
I made one serious attempt many years ago and one that turned out farcical a few years ago and now … now I am sure of many more things and so I have some leeway, when the damage allows it.
Perhaps I will have time to write the longest suicide note in the world and then, I […]
“i could hear my heart beating. i could hear everyone’s heart. i could hear the human noise we sat there making. none of us moved. not even when the room went dark.”
i don’t know why i’m here. i can’t quite seem to figure out anything anymore. sometimes i get these little fits — my roommate calls them “funks” — in which i am just unhappy. i am upset. i am sad. i am angry, at you, and me, and the trees, at the world. and i don’t know why. i never know why. a girl is supposed to know herself better than anyone else could […]
I am 21 years old. About to drop off college. Lives with a depressed mother. Jobless. Everyone i know really doesn’t care except for my mother. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I can imagine my friends doing fine without me. Maybe getting out of their lives is just what they need to see their own lives and silver linings. I feel like disease and i want to shut myself from the world. I lied about everything. Its my 6th year in college trying to finish up a two year course and i hate it so bad that i feel like im […]
So this is life?
This is the great mystery?
When every day is so predictably painful that I see no point in waking again?
What have they told you? That life isn’t fair? They know not the half of it.
Voices. Voices whose mouthes I cannot find speak to me, they speak my mind, my mind, my mind will not stay it’s breath, oh why won’t it let me be?! I cannot think clearly for these clouds of despair block my vision to a brighter tomorrow that they say exists out there.
With every day the same tragedy and the memory of what I used […]
So after about 2 hours of sleep last night, I bolt up wide awake after yet another extremely vivid dreams that I’m sure was chock full of all sorts of metaphors about why I need to die soon. Exhausted, but I know I’m not going back to sleep. I start playing some poker online, won a bit, then lost a bit, so broke even. Feeling a little better about not getting wiped out at poker. But my mind keeps drifting back to my dream. It’s difficult to know if it was a nightmare or not. It’s wasn’t unpleasant. And perhaps that is the nightmare. It […]
Im so a fuck up in life it always seems that I can’t do anything right i will try to buy thing to fulfill the empty void that i feel or reduce the feeling by putting myself into situation or doing things that i feel will help with the pain but i always come back and i sit here and think why don’t i just end it I could there notting to hold me back anymore nobody would really care you would move on it seems like everyday that past my life falls apart piece by piece I’m spiraling out of control yet nobody can […]
Hello, my name is Chelsea.. I’m 12. My whole life I have been told I have a gift. That i was special and smart and the total opposite of average. It doesn’t matter anymore, i havent made an impact yet and other kids younger than me already have. Everything hs gone downhill since my parents divorced when I was 3. I’ve lived with my mom in a cheap apartment until a drunk driver + an 18-wheeler totaled our car in an accident. I turned 10, My mom quit her job to care for me, since she couldn’t drive to her job. We finally moved into […]
Finally a site where I can be honest and tell the truth. So where did I come from? From about age 13 or so under the influence of some great adult leaders I got into helping people especially in the area of health care.
Whether it was in my early age with the first aid and CPR card, until the 30 years that I’ve been licensed as a paramedic and respiratory therapist I did my best for everyone. I don’t know if it was the adrenaline rush or just the pure joy of seeing someone get better or comforted at their time of death I was […]
I’ll be moving in two weeks. I’ll be moving miles away from the place I only knew as home, my friends, my boyfriend, my family. We have to move though, and I know I can’t do anything to stop that. All of the “friends” I told didn’t care, they responded with texts like “Oh.” “That sucks,”. I don’t need someone crying for me, but it’d be nice to know someone cared. We’re moving to my moms’ boyfriends house. He’s a real asshole and I have a hard time making friends. This new state and school will take alot out of me, and i’m afraid. I […]
Maybe she is the smart one. Maybe I am just rotten inside. Maybe I was so horrible to her that she cant forgive me. I didnt think I was. I loved her with everything I am but maybe the stupid mistakes I made were that horrible. She is better off without me. I dont deserve anyone, especially her. She is amazing. I am nothing. I mean why would anyone want to be with someone who cuts themselves? She should run away. Run far away Bonney. Get away from this monster you were with. She deserves happiness and I cant give that to her. She wants […]