I guess I’m back for now. I don’t think there’s anyone left here that remembers me but I need somewhere I can talk or vent and not have it ruin my life because that’s all talking seems to do lately. I hope I can be the way I used to, I hope I can learn how to listen again… I was so much better at it when I was really depressed but before I watched my friends disappear one by one knowing they weren’t just hiding… It’s been a while and I hope I can be the person I was, and honestly I would rather […]
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think
by each passing day my suicide toughts grow stronger. I think I hate every person, even my family members. I cant find a girlfriend and i dont think i ever will. My life is revolving around finding pleasure in meaningless sex…I am constantly in the center of attention and being bullied due to my hieght ( im 6 feet 9 ( 207cm))…the only thing keeping me alive is my passion for music. I’ve been paying the guitar for about 5 years and i cant see myself doing anything other in life but making music. It is my way of expressing myself. I act coldhearted to […]
i coudn’t manage it. all I did was cough and sputter. i guess i’ll have to think of an easier way
So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that […]
I guess everybody has been in a situation where they didn’t know what to do. I have been in many, too. But this is something only you, people who are going through similar things, can help me with.
This post isn’t going to be about me, but about my aunt. My aunt has lost her son (my cousin) 2 years and 7 months ago if I’m counting correctly. He was only 17 years old at the time and he killed himself one night, somewhat out of the blue. The whole situation and his full reasons are a mystery – he didn’t leave any suicide note, he […]
I’m so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. Everyone thinks im “The life of the party” and that im bubbly and happy. But i hate going out, i don’t like being around people, I’d be perfectly okay with being left alone to lay in bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I’ve had my ups and downs, but i can’t pick myself up. It’s getting hard to fake the smile and I think my friends are starting to notice, I don’t want them to notice that I’m unhappy, I don’t want them to think that they have to help. I’m not […]
Like in the title of this post I have been seeing things All day. Not like a zombie standing in the kitchen or a ghost in my room, just weird little stuff. I watch my sisters during the day, and my youngest she’s 7 months, was still asleep in her crib so I was cleaning the room and I kid you not, I saw her laying face down on the floor in front of me. So of course I dropped what I was doing and went to go pick her up, only to realize it was a stuffed animal that looked NOTHING like a baby. […]
Its so strange that i have a wife and 2 beautiful children and to anyone else they would think i have nothing to be depressed about but it doesnt work like that, i do love my children but i dont chose to have the feelings i do, it just happens and i cannot shake the dark days.
I did love my wife and hope i still do, by that i mean the depression is so overpowering it can cloud how i really feel about people so i dont know my feelings which is worse than knowing you do or dont love someone.
I often feel […]
i give up i think im going to go crawl in a whole and wait for death since im to damn scared to do it myself
I will tell you some of my personal story for those who care to know. So ever since I started elementary school, I wasn’t normal, I didn’t talk to anyone, I was shy, my family thought I was autistic because of mu extreme shyness. I didn’t make my first friend until the second grade. Most of my early school days are a blur and I don’t really remember, so. I started smoking weed in 6th grade, and that became the love of my life for the next 6 or seven years. When I was at school all I could think about was going home and […]
what do you think of life?…
has it treat you well?…
are you happy the way your life is?…
everyone knows that life is not perfect….
who knows……
is yours?
if it is then I’m happy for you..
if it is not then I do hope you find your way……
see ya…….
in the next life……
I am taking some time to be sure but in a few weeks getting affairs in order visiting familiy i think i may. The means are all too easy to aquire. I just dont want anyone i care about to find me.
im never good enough for anybody, im always sad. most of my friends are gone, i dont know what i do. i think a lot about death but never had the courage to fulfill it.
i saw you standing there alone upon the roof
your eyes puffy red and your lips were turning blue
tell me now
whats your reason darling tell me now
and dreams are made of wonder
and the curiosity
but if you do this now im telling you its not meant to be
so dont be sad there is now reason darling dont be sad
do follow the yellow brick road
talk to the stars in the sky it wont be easy i know there is no reason to cry
keep on moving keep the blood pumping keep your heart beating keep the smile
keep on […]
I’am too yong to talk about my experience in life i’am only 17 but i know a lot , i know that life is so hard cause i’am suffering . Every day i hate my life more cause i live a very miserable one . Sometimes i think that everyone hates me even my parents they allways hit me , my mother told me that she wish that i was dead or never born she dont talk to me well she do but just to tell me about the bad things that my father did . They dont sleep in the same room they dont […]
Recently I’ve been getting bullied and I have been cutting.
I want to kill myself but, every time I try I just think about my family and friends and how it will reflect on them.
I don’t know what to do because I’m only 12, could anyone please give me some suggestions.
I went and saw a councillor and I have told my mum but, to be honest it hasn’t made any difference.
I also reported the guy to the school but, still no different.
It all started by him going out with me then dumping me for someone else. Then one of his best […]
i knew it. The only reason that the doctors didnt know what they were talking about was because they were doctors that treat poor people. The really good doctors know what they are talking about, but they require insurance and money. I deal with a caseworker, and she is a very judgemental person. She thinks i cant find a job cause im crazy or something. No, the reason i cant find a job is because i was the only person in my family to go to college, and i didnt realize what to do in college to get a great job. I didnt network and […]
I’m such a fucking idiot.
I’m tired of not being able to manage my moods.
I’m sick of the fact that I have zero social skills,
and can’t really “read” people.
I’m tired of pills that don’t really fix anything.
I’m tired of not having the balls to kill myself.
(I’ve come pretty close though)
I’m tired of doctor’s who think they can heal me.
(They can’t)
I’m tired of the voices I hear, which I’m convinced are demons.
I’m tired of people not believing they’re real.
I’m sick of the fact that they’ll never stop until I’m dead.
I still believe in God.
I still think I’m going to heaven (but not certain anymore)
I sometimes don’t think […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
I don’t think things could be much worse,
My “life” is a curse.
I wear these cross earrings and necklace to feel closer to God,
But I don’t deserve to–I’m such a fraud.
I’ll try my best,
To not make too much of a mess. Father’s day is coming soon, I don’t want to make it to then, I want to be with the moon.
God blessed me with life, And I’ve wasted all 16 years, I‘ll soon face my final […]