Im so done with life and all the nothingness shit it has to offer.So im out on thursday.I dont really agree or disagree with suicide.Im a little scared but i figure fear is a natural part of death.If i wasnt scared i wouldnt be human.
I got test results for my heart that landed me in the er weekend of my birthday.Guess what they found?Nothing! normally i wouldnt be bothered by this but im in pain a lot and im a bit tired of this.doctors trying to make me out to be some type of liar or crazy ass *****.fuck them all.ill self medicate and […]
I do but then again I couldn’t care less. There’s just so much pain behind the fake smile that I put on my face every morning in order to “fit in.” I’m just tired, can someone come and shoot me in the head? I don’t deserve to live anyways, I want to die.
To that little girl, smiling from ear to ear, with no worries on her mind and no demons in her head? Where’s the girl whose smile would light up a room, who laughed like there was no tomorrow, who would spend hours jumping in the rain, where’s the girl who enjoyed life?
What happened to me, what’s wrong with me? Now I am waiting to die, every second of every day just waiting. I’ve been waiting for 4 years now, when will it finally come to an end?
“When you grow up, your heart dies.”-The Breakfast Club.
I have such an amazing life but I don’t feel it. I know there is potential in me but I don’t feel it. I feel tired and sad and careless. I feel deep guilt for causing stress to my husband with my anxiety attacks and thoughts of suicide. I don’t want to get up anymore. I don’t want to do school. I have short moments when I’m soaring and feel like I’m on top of the world but then all of a sudden feel like I can’t handle life anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I find myself wishing I never existed far […]
As I grow older I feel less and less connected to the world around me. Now in my mid twenties I think back to when I was younger, I battled with depression and suicide but I still had enough drive and energy to continue pushing for a better tomorrow. But nothing changed for the better. My fear and annoyance of others grew until I completely stopped attempting to build friendships. I have no home to return to full of love and support, only the lonely house filled with my shit. Shit I don’t need. I work as a stripper and the problems of the world […]
My proposed Note or “willâ€
(If you don’t give a fuck [as I suspect you don’t] and just want to get to the will skip the paragraphs and go to the bolded text.)
I killed myself because I can’t make heads or tails of life. My luck is almost always bad, and I am tired of hardship. Like many who have been in this place I have contemplated, and while the one’s full of vigor and self-righteousness say to live is the hardest, that isn’t true. It’s taken me a lot of research and commitment to die. Staying alive was not because I chose to do the […]
its unbeleivable that today im talking to you all when tommorow will be another attempt that i will probably fail at but im going to try anyway.If i should die.I will probably figure out to late its a mistake and that im stupid.Im just tired of the mindless dysfunction of my life and household. I cant take all this screaming.And i have a therapist who still has not gotten back to me.I just ended today with my current therapist.That alone is a hard loss.I cant take this back.Its been planned and so it will happen. If anything goes wrong its my fault. Im a […]
i finally asked the question lurking in my heart for weeks since our break up.. since the moment he asked me out. I asked his best friend.. ” he only wants me for sex.. doesnt he?..”
cody: yes but dont tell him i told you this.. he likes six other girls and when you didnt put out he broke it off im so sorry.. just forget about him please.
Rape victim and now played by the guy i loved most. I’m only a sex object. Thats all people […]
So for you who have been following up on my post you know i self harm quiet a bit and quiet deep to. Instead of self harming the other day i chose to make some amv ( animated music videos) for vampire knight.
Please check them out and let me know if their any good. Also subscribe if you wanna keep up with my blogs and other videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCaTinffnkI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjnYh6GRmVo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmrCUV9BdHY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m35rBe1iYKc
I hope this new coping skill works for a while.. and doesnt die in a matter of a week.. like most of the others..
I woke up very anxious and stressed this morning. It’s midnight here now. And I’m thinking of suicide again. And murder. My parents’ arguing woke me up. It always bothers me when they fight. Why? Because I have a crazy mother. Yes, crazy. Clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness. I have seen her at a low level to the highest peak of her craziness. And when she gets nuts, really nuts, I shake like hell. I hate how much I am unable to control it. I always tell myself to toughen up but my body and mind defies me. I put […]
Where went my spirit of the season? It is not here with me now, I cannot reach it to invite it to be with me…
ife is about as fun as the droplets of rain that trickle down the panes of the windows I stare out of.
The sky is gray and dull. Not flannel grey, being all soft and cuddly and comforting, the other gray and dull. The barely there whiteness of cold steel silver skies, observed through unhappy eyes, eyes that used to be twinkling happy expectant eyes. The eyes that search for a path of hope to lead itself […]
.. Have i ever thought i’d get to this point no.. im only 14 why am i here. What did i do to deserve this. I guess this is the time i’d share my story right? Exsplain it all get it out, wipe my slate clean. But im sure none of you care to hear my story. So if you dont stop reading, its not gonna be a happy one.
I was 3 when my mom kidnapped me, she abused me every day tried to kill me once out of jealousy, cause after i was born no one gave her attention anymore. Great mom right? after […]
I fucking hate my life.My dad came to my meeting today.Which is okay cause im like well if there talking to him i dont have to say shit.The problem is for one the meeting was way to long and ackward.I just wanted to get out of there.Theres going to be a big argument tonight about being hospitalized to test to see what meds im allergic.There on to me about the whole suicide even though i wouldnt dare give them information they could use to lock me up.I dont want to deal with all this at all and i have to suffer through it till after […]
Have you ever had someone you want to be happy for.But emotionally they just drain you.Thats how i feel.My friends pregnant.Her husbands a jerk. Shes to much of a child herself to be having a baby. And me im trying not to be the enemy and support her. But its emotionally draining cause we argue then she comes back looking for support and its just hard. I know i need to distance myself from this situation but i cant turn her down. Meanwhile im freaking depressed. Sure i havent hurt myself yet but it seems like im just avoiding the inevitable.Around this time my depression […]
..Tired. I’m tired of being ignored everywhere.
I’m tired of being ignored in real life.
I’m tired being ignored on the internet.
I’m tired of school and the stress they give.
I’m tired of my parent thinking that i can go in a university with a scholarship.
But in actuality, I can’t. How can i earn a scholarship? How can university even except me?
I don’t overdose in ‘APs’, I dont stay afterschool, I don’t  have much talent, except art maybe.
I’m not taking an art college anyways. My parents doesn’t want me to and what’s the point? These people, professor in any art college, will probably just look down on me due […]
I don’t know why but these days I’ve been feeling tired, mentally. I feel bored easily, I don’t feel passionate about what I do every day and I just feel like dying just to discover whether God exist or not. It’s like I lost my motivation to live and I don’t know what I held on since I started living, having said that nothing major happened to my life but as each month pass by, it gets worse. Don’t really care about things happening around me, habits that I used to have got really dull and I started to question the point of living. Some […]
Mostly, I can deal with the day to day bullshit of this world, and for the most part I manage to stay positive, which is almost impossible in this fucked up world we live in. I HATE IT HERE! Believe it or not, one of my major roles in life, is encouraging people…and Im damned good at it. I do what I do because I have a deep love for humanity, I feel your pain, and I HATE IT HERE…so if I must be here, let me do all I can to help and encourage others. It hurts my heart to see good people suffering […]
I’m geting really tired this ridiculous life. All I do everyday is turning my brain to off so I can run away from my pain. That’s the only thing that worked so far too. I can’t connect with anyone, can’t relate to anything and can’t find any worth in me. I’m tired of pretending I still want to do studies, tired of pretending everything is gonna get better. I’m sick of hearing the same lies everyday, sick of lying all the time. I can’t bare living among people who’d rather value greed, malice, and putting their kind down all the time. I’ve had enough of […]
Okay everyone, it’s my birthday today and I feel like crying. Today’s the day I decided I’d go through with everything and actually commit suicide, but after my last failed attempt, my parents are really keeping an eye on me. Not that they care ofcourse, they just don’t want to go through with all the shame of having to tell everyone their daughter committed suicide. Hah, I’m so tired of everything. I’m tired of pain, I’m tired of not being good enough for my parents, I’m tired of getting bullied, I’m just tired. 15 years is quite a long time. Idk, I’m worthless anyways, everyone […]
I’m really tired. I don’t know why I’m still here. I want to be erased, not dead. I want the memory of myself forgotten, not just lost. I know I don’t deserve this. I’ve wasted so much in life with sex and secrets. I want to go back and change those. But could I? Fucking no.
I think I should overdose myself with those sleeping pills, it’s an appealing idea, especially now.