I’ve been suicidal for over a year now… I hate myself I just want to disappear not many people would mourn me… Just my family I don’t have a wife or kids. That’s kind of the problem I have no one to love my lease prevents me from getting a dog so that companionship is out. I live with my mom because I’m 19 and I don’t get paid enough yet to move out I dislike her with a passion… What a *****, I’m adopted so don’t do that whole she birthed you bullshit I can’t stand the *****… I had a girl in my […]
Tag:
to die
I wish I could hear him say:
‘I’m with (her) and happy.
You’re forgiven for being a ****.
I’ve changed.
I’m alive. Are you?’
If he’d changed things, I could let go.
If I didn’t think of him, the depression wouldn’t be as painful – but that’s what’s bringing me back here. Remembering feeds the depression each time it gets worse. Before that, it was getting easier.
I’m getting more suicidal. I can’t and won’t kill myself, so I just have to try to accept it and work around it.
I can’t sleep again. I think I’m getting ill. I’m too hot and cold.
I crashed again today and came […]
i feel very very empty my happiness is leaving me i can feel it happening. i want peace i want death but im so afraid. i know im going to hell. ive had two dreams about me dying and going to hell and it was horrible but i know hell it a lot worse. but im slowly getting ready to experience it because it is where i belong. but i dont want to die yet because this is the only chance that i get at living and i have a lot that i want to do yet im so tired. i want peace. i want […]
I don’t really know what to say or do anymore as I have given up on life and I am ready to die. Not to mention I believe in nothing so I don’t really care where I will go or what I will end up going through. I don’t think i have ever had a real friend in this life of mine or someone who actually cares about me. I have been used and hated along with being shit talked throughout my high school years and I have not seen a change yet as I am now in the 12th grade. Why should I bother […]
This has been a big part of my constant thinking and desires of suicide: part of me wants to go out of the house, make friends, do socializing activities, get a job, and pretty much anything that a normal person would – but another part of me hates the world, hates people, is too sensitive, too afraid, too moody and too petrified to set foot out in the world! Every day these two sides battle against each other, some making more ground than others, but in the end I can’t take it and make my attempts to end it.
I come from a religious family who […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’ve been so focused on music.. And futures.. And now i can’t help but sit here and feel that everything is becoming just pointless. I haven’t had this feeling for a long time. A feeling of wanting to die.
But that’s the problem. I don’t want to die. I just want certain things that don’t exist… I can write songs to try to capture this perfect world.. Or write stories where it’s real… But all of that is just ignoring the reality. The reality that, none of that is real. It’ll never be real.
I see long endless plains and hills in my paradise. Nature everywhere. […]
And that night, I turned my face towards the wall and cried. For the first time in my life I hated Shone. Hated him for blinding me, for tricking me into foolishly believing that life is a beautiful field of roses… that love is a wondrous bond. Hated myself for the choices I’ve made. Hated for being born. Hated my body for functioning normally. Hated everyone around me. Hatred surged through my veins, hot and angry, pulsing with every breath I take.
I want to die. I have to die. I will not stand another day, another night. I will not enter the hellhole in […]
I’m the past hour alone I’ve cut myself nine times. I’m only doing this to stop a tenth. Or an eleventh. To stop myself until I go somewhere I can’t come back from. Because no matter how much I want to die, I don’t want to let everyone around me know how much I hate myself, and how much I hate how they all so fucking perfect.
im not even supposed to be alive right now. i had planned to kill myself almost two weeks ago now and i dont know why i cant pile up the courage to just do it. everyday i wake up and dying is the only thing i can think about but when it comes to it, its like my body wont let me. and then i wake up the next morning feeling even shittier than the last and i really just cant take this anymore. it feels like the universe wont even let me to but my heart is in physical pain. i was going to […]
I feel very depressed when I look at my 17-year-old self and remember the hasty choices that I made regarding my career. I’ve ever been very responsible with my school activities and, indeed, I’ve ever excelled; however, fear and anxiety usually devoured my guts so that I couldn’t take the risks and apply to a more profitable major/career at college. When I see my friends who weren’t afraid, chose the right thing and succeeded, I do just want to die; because time doesn’t go back and it sounds like I threw all my opportunities away. Today I’m 27 and I see no other solution than starting again from zero; […]
It was on this day eleven years ago that I decided to die. I was seventeen, and while I won’t violate policy by stating my method, the short story is that it was ineffective.
Ever since I was 12 or so, living has quite simply felt wrong. But I dealt with it. This fundamental issue was exacerbated by an issue that arose soon after. I had a really good friend, but every time she had a boyfriend, I got ridiculously jealous. Oddly enough, I always found a way to explain away my feelings. When similar situations arose in subsequent years, I concocted all kinds of ridiculous […]
So I met with my counsellor/psychologist today with my sister, the second time my sister went with me. No different than before my counsellor confirmed that our family of origin (the family in which we were raised) is high on the dysfunctional scale, confirming too the cult-like nature of it coupled with isolation and other forms of emotional abuse.
For the first time ever I think my sister realises how close I am to dying. I wanted her to attend partly for her to be able to prepare. My sister and I were close growing up and while it hurts to let her know and hurts […]
years on this bitter, sour soil has taught me x amount of useless information.
1). Some hugs feel like thorns.
2). Most breaths are filled with poison.
It’s a pretty shitty thing to think about the way you want to die, and the need to die and the awful way you joke about it to yr friends, making it seem like a fuhkd up joke but in reality you’re asking for help. They know you’re sick. You know you’re sick. Your therapist knows your sick. Also, do your parents. But no matter how much you fight it seems static and thick. It stays. Unmoving. Instead of getting […]
i have been wanting to die for a decade. When I first came on here, I was really looking at 6 months to a year to live, enough for a “peaceful death”. Now that everything crashed around me on top of the crap I already been going though, I can’t stand another moment on this BBBofBS. The depression and PTSD is so bad that it hurts.
Thanks to my basement, I got a nice little workshop going on. Building two unique things that should make me pass out faster.
when I go to the doctor this week I’m gonna ask for sleeping pills “because I been having […]
I hate that I have to struggle to find reasons to get out of bed to pretend to be human. I’ve had so many traumatic experiences and have lost someone I love and every day is the same I’m always alone. The thing about suicide is it feels like I should stop wasting my time with a miserable humiliating life that no one would want. I often wonder if I’m genetically inferior because I’ve always gotten sick easily and have had depression since I was 11. I was supposed to die when I was born and I wonder if I’m being punished for still being […]
I don’t think I can continue like this. im in so much pain all the time. I want it to stop. I want to die but I don’t want to hurt anyone. maybe I could just get in a horrible accident and god will let me die
Not necessarily suicide (though it can be if you want), but just death in general. Tell me: Age, exact cause of death, and misc information (optional). For me, I think I’d like to die at around age 31 (because I get to experience my billionth second), suicide, after I become a professor.
Have you ever asked yourself, “when would suicide be the right thing to do?” What line needs to be crossed before killing oneself is justified? And once one finds justification for killing oneself, what possible future is there for them if they can’t? This is where I am. Struggling in vain to find a way to end it. Too cowardly to do anything painful, too selfish to give up wanting. I don’t want to die, I just deserve to. I’m not finding a way to cope. The world would be a better place without me. Everyone with whom I come into contact ultimately ends up […]
I feel so bad. I feel empty. I don’t know what the purpose for me living is. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because my parents would be very sad if I died. But why should I just keep living because of them? After all, they’re part of the reason I want to kill myself. I just don’t know what to do.