Tbh im a 15 year old boy who has just taken a load of pills and drank so much. And im so lonly that i have to tell a website that im sorry and im going to miss people.
My family ill miss you all.
My friends… The ones i still have… Ill miss you.
But penny ill miss you so much… I love you so much… I fucked up and fucked you up with it… Now ive fucked up again and were both fucked up again… Im not sure if ill be at school tomorrow… Im sorry i broke the promis again. Im going […]
Tag:
tomorrow
I’m choking on the familiar cold in the air.. My lungs are beginning to shrink with every new breath I take.. I feel the tingling of the frost beginning in my fingers.. And I’m afraid.. Something I know so much of.., yet not enough knowledge could jump start my mind into the painful realization that I’m drowning.. Drowning in the sea and sun.. The water is suffocating but I see nothing but ice above me.. Preventing me from taking another fresh breath of a beautiful nothing called air.. And at that moment I begin to sink.. But I know the sun will melt the ice […]
I think we all ask ourselves is what if we just hold on one more day, one more week, etc. It’s that natural survival question we all ask ourselves, and it’s probably while we are all still here today. I know it’s why I am. Those lonely nights I had dozens of bottles of stockpiled medications sitting right near my bedside, those nights I had access to firearms, those nights where I could’ve jumped off a tall building. I’m still here because I still have that survival instinct asking me what if? What if things get better one day? I know it’s not going to […]
So my ex dumped me about two weeks tomorrow and I have to say I fucked up all of those two weeks, the first week I went to my grandmas and I went to a cherokee bonfire with a couple of friends from there and I met on of my ex boyfriend from second grade, he got me drunk like hardcore drunk but that’s because what I told him about my situation with my current ex boyfriend, later that night he toke me to my uncles cause I was beyond drunk and we fucked. I feel bad because I’m in love with my ex and […]
That is what my love is for you. Plain and simple. I know you will never get to read this, my love, but I wanted you to know that I haven’t stopped loving you even for one second. Tomorrow it will be 115 days since I saw you last. I have missed you terribly every single day. No matter the hurt you have caused me, the pain, the betrayal, the lies, the broken promises. It all means nothing when it comes to my love for you. It is unending. It is pure. It is intense. It is all I have left to give. The end […]
I don’t want to live another day like this. And after that there will be another one, and so on. I can’t stand it.
I constantly think about overdose, but apparently is nearly impossible.
Why doesn’t my heart just stop.
I fell through
Down into the blue
The tide’s taking me away
I know I can’t stay
It’s been nice to know you
But I have to go too
Don’t we all?
After we’ve had a fall
And I’ve fallen too low
So now you know
The extent of my sorrow
It’s longer than tomorrow
You’ll hear me cry
Forever till I die
Hanging loose
From a noose
I have somethings to say before I go.
my life is not a sad story, no big loss(except my drug addict father, no big harm), no love story, no being poor, no child working, no lack of attention, no lack of caring people around me, no lack of friends, etc…
and I don’t exactly know why I’m heading this road since I remember.
I’ve lost my believe in Allah (muslims’ god) and then any form of god by the beginning of highschool, my father left me and my mom a year after, spending his Shit money on the drugs; we were waste of money and […]
Been down all day today and can’t really put my finger on why. Nothing special happened today, just really down all day. Should be in a good mood since I’m gonna see my son for his birthday tomorrow. When I feel this way, I always want to feel better NOW! I don’t want to wait and hope tomorrow’s better. I think of all the things that helped in the past like booze, drugs, cutting, but none of those things seem to help much anymore. They just get me in trouble, like I don’t need anymore DUI’s – the next one will be a felony. Fuck, […]
I’m living on a hope thinking that one day I’ll wake up and magically life will make sense and have purpose, but each morning I awake from the dream that tomorrow will never come. Before I go to sleep I cry, pray, beg and plead to God to let it end to take me while I sleep to the only place I’ll ever be at peace but my prayers go unanswered. So I awake to the thoughts of suicide. I’ve convinced myself that that Hell can’t be any worse than my Hell.
There’s no one to talk to – no one to take the pain away […]
Prayer Request (not really religious but can use an angel watching over me)
by BrokenAngel8
written by BrokenAngel8
Hey guys and gals, I have not mentioned this but for the past 10 weeks of been getting medical testing done due to some health issues I’ve had since last November.
I have a Dr.s appointment tomorrow to get the test results and honestly I am a nervous wreck . I don’t know if its out of fear what could possibly be wrong with me or hearing those 3 little words… If that would happen I don’t know what I would do . I mean what kind of man would want to marry a girl like that. I sure as hell wouldn’t.
I am not very religious […]
Half an hour and I’ll be 25.
Anything could happen tomorrow. Will anyone put some light in my life? I hope so, I’m kind of confident that good things will happen. But I know what happens when you expect too much for your birthday.
Oh, there’s also that… tomorrow will have past a year since the last message I received from my dad. Will he at least let me know that he’s alive? If he does, will he be nice, or just as asshole as he was last year?
I don’t know what the hell’s going on. I’m on Prozac, 20 mg/day. I don’t do alcohol or drugs or anything. I’m not even that depressed right now. But I’m seeing things…at first these things weren’t too scary, just a little annoying, like Gingy would steal my pencils and hide them. But now Gingy’s rabid. Whenever he shows up I lock myself in the bathroom. He can’t get in the bathroom because that’s where I was conceived.
What the hell am I supposed to do? He brought some of his friends, they’re outside…the doors are locked, my dad’s at work…it’s tough to even focus on school […]
Okay, so this divorce thing has been dragging on for a year. It’s not what I wanted. Sure I could have been a better husband, but that doesn’t really matter now. Have a court appearance next week, hopefully that will resolve the thing once and for all. Visiting with our son tomorrow, I have to try really hard not to talk to him about her. But really the big thing is we’re not getting back together. So I’ve been laying around mostly feeling sorry for myself. I think it’s time to get up off my ass and start trying to build some sort of new […]
Tonight is the night I want to do it. However I am unprepared I have no note to leave for family or any remaining friends. Maybe of I devote the entirety of tomorrow to writing it I will be able to end it tomorrow night.
Set to the music “The Fool on the Hill.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNfS9Ywb2Cc
I have become the clouds. No feelings, just expression. They only appreciate in passing. A compliment here, a compliment there, their heads turn back, to the ground. Beautiful, for those that look. But I am not beautiful, its just a point of view. Clouds at night, hidden from everyone. Unable to see no matter how hard you strain. Sadness, happiness, productive. Irrelevant. No one understands the work that goes into forming me. The sun, creating a phase transition of water, condensing back down… I form rain, snow, thunder. Some hate, others love. Emotionless either way. Some fly […]
Alcohol… makes me feel great for a few hours then horrible for about 24. Last night I drank two-thirds of a bottle of wine, way too much for this middle-aged woman. Pills have never been my friend and I try to avoid sedatives as much as possible, but insomnia, a companion since childhood seriously kicked in the past few months along with my suicidal tendencies, and I’ve been reaching for that bottle of pills too often. While the pill hangover is zombie-like the booze makes me want to die even more than ever.
In the past year I’ve managed to almost completely isolate […]
Saw my new counselor today, for I think the 3rd time. She’s nice and all, but I think naïve. Nothing she says really makes me feel any better. Next week she says we’re going to work on the grief I’m feeling over the breakup of my marriage. Sounds like a good plan to me, but I don’t really see myself getting over being dumped after 24 years of marriage. Taking new anti-depressant but its not helping. Visiting with my son tomorrow which is good, but in a way he just reminds me how much the ex hates me. The misery is just a constant now, […]
The title says it all. Every single day i am so fucking depressed and nothing can change that. Many people say tomorrow will be a new and different day and that you will be better. BULSHITS! I am so fucking desperate and every day that i wake up from the 10 minutes that i can close my fucking eyes nothing gets better and nothing is improved. My depression becomes worse and worse, and when i think that this pattern will continue in the following years makes me sad and desperate. Suffering never ends…
I have decided to go ahead with it. Today is day 1 of death by dehydration. I will go for a long run tomorrow and thursday to speed up the process and will only eat dry food.
Wish me luck, Ill post my progress day by day 😀 look for me in th news guys 😀