dear sp, i just wanted to come and give an update on my current situation. things have been really sucky and i cannot seem to get ahead. the days are not bad cause i have places i can go, and things i can do. i am able to get on sp from our workforce computer but not at the librarey. they block it for some reason. its been two weeks now sleeping in the car in a walmart parking lot, and it is taking a serious toll on me. tanked really bad yesterday, and was not any better this morning. had decided to return the […]
Tag:
trying
I have made my mind up and have a date picked out, contacted social security to get things in line for my daughters and will write my note to my family tomorrow. All I wanted was to be a father to my kids and my ex wives stole that from me, without my kids I have nothing. I have been physically abused my whole life so I am use to this, death will finally bring me peace. Less than 10 days to get everything in order with the bank and aquire my stuff for my way out. Still trying to decide on the place so […]
Hi Everyone I’m new here im gay 31 living with my dad I have social anxiety agoraphobia ptsd Addictions to crystal meth, I’ve been doing crystal now for 8 months on and off the longest I can go without getting some is always a month. And that’s the case here I’m a month off it again. I am trying to quit. But I just recently split up with my boyfriend of five months. I’m alone again and he told me some home truths. That I didn’t wanna hear. Anyways I’ve tried to kill myself 7 times through my life first time I was 13. I […]
In solitude, steadily moving towards what is not mine: a sense of tranquility. An artificial sense of gratitude steeps through the thought of tranquility, tranquility becomes a symbol of your demise. The feeling of gratitude to what is not wanted: it’s betrayal, that betrayal is present in the tranquility: the tranquility of the – ordinary! The ordinary is a distinction of your-self from the rest, they’re ordinary, you’re authentic. The meaningless feeling of tranquility they enjoy, cannot be a result of emptiness filled with the necessary elements that gratitude feeds on to manifest. Why you want that tranquility, you just can’t figure. In the end, that […]
to end it. this my only goal now. i failed before but i hope this time it takes. i will not stop trying until i succeed. there is no argument to sway me or pill to save me. this is the only place i have to say goodbye, so goodbye.
…made it to work today. It was hard but I tried to call on god, the universe and all the powers that be to get me here. I made it. Can’t focus but I’m here. trying to focus. Trying to get on the right track but I can’t do anything except think about my inner sadness.
I want to break free (just like Freddy mercury) but it’s hard. I break free a bit and then get some things done but then I’m back inside like a boomerang. Today is particularly bad.
My boo gets home tomorrow. maybe she’ll even want to see me. She makes […]
keeps trying to take him from me. if he goes to work for his stupid uncle traveling he knows I can’t do that. now he’s gone for two days and I didn’t even know I just want out. how many energy drinks do I have to drink? alcohol will be included in this too
I don’t know why I’m still fucking trying.
2 weeks and counting when you don’t even try to text me. What the fuck.
I put the fucking sky at your feet and you do this to me? What the fuck.
I bought you things, I made something for your birthday. What the fuck.
I tried to call you, I tried to text you, I still do. What the fuck.
I mean what the fuck is wrong with you, You’re playing with my fucking feelings.
What the fuck.
I put the fucking world at your fucking feet. Fuck you.
And you know what else? Fuck you […]
Recovery is terrifying when you don’t know who you are without your sadness
by OddOneOut
written by OddOneOut
How does one figure out who they are without their sadness? Is it the mask I put on even when I am sad? Because I’ve been wearing that mask so often that I feel it is who I’ve become now…like the mask is somehow etched into my life permanently that it becomes a knee-jerk reaction to how I act around people…
How do I know who I am without my sadness, when I haven’t had a time I can remember that wasn’t without sadness?
Please help…I’ve been trying to figure this one out for weeks…
I am trying to find the guts to cut myself tonight. I have never done it but thought about it often. I am scared of the pain but feel like I need a release.
I’ve been depressed for only three years now and I have been in therapy and in treatment for two years and a half. I have been hospitalized 5 times in the past 2 years. I’m only 18 and I have felt enough pain to last a lifetime. I have tried so hard to get better, and nothing has changed, and I’m not sure if I can keep trying. I just want everything to stop. I don’t know what to do. I failed a suicide attempt in February and I so badly want to do it and succeed this time…
okay so I’m new around here so I’m going to introduce myself, I’m 14 and suicidal. I weigh 110lbs and I’m 5’3. I started self harming about 6 months ago but it started off very rarely however now I cut everyday, sometimes even twice or thrice a day. I think it’s safe to say that I hate myself and everyone around me does too.
I have friends but I feel like they just kind of tolerate me but don’t actually like me. My parents are both highly educated and my brother is super smart – he recently did his GCSEs and got 10 A*. My parents […]
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
by niki
written by niki
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]
I have been trying to walk up to the fact that i need to be hospitalized for awhile……i’ve even parked in front of huntsville hospital and walked half way in before turning around…..about to try again tonight
Hi people,
While I’m not what can be considered a regular on this site, I visit from time to time and have been for several years now. I don’t always post/respond when I visit, but I do try to help when I can.
I’ve noticed something recently that I see as a good thing. The holidays are naturally one of the busiest times for this site and the difficulty of this time generally shows up in countless postings. It was common for one day of postings to take literally pages and pages.
This year, there are fewer posts than I’ve seen in a long, time and I take […]
I’ve been trying to believe that he is, but it’s stupid and crazy and i’m giving up hope.
And sadly now that i feel like this I don’t have any hope or happiness to toss around to anyone else. I’m back to wishing I could find an easy way to end my shit lonely existence. There is no easy way of course, we all know that. But there are ways.
If I could erase the memories it wouldn’t be so bad but that’s impossible. If I could shut off how I feel and how I felt then, that would solve this too but that won’t happen either. […]
wow, folks, just had good news.landlord giving me til the 31st. yeah. a little more time to straighten things out. not much, but more than i had. i dont feel so bad squatting here now. i have permission. that and he feels bad about tossing me out in the snow. ( if he only knew, eh, tm,lol) one more small worry eased. so the magic and miracles continue.HOHOHO,HAHAHA and a couple of falala’s. keep trying my friends, the shit eventually breaks open, it hard, dark and tough, but with each others help we will get through this. i love all of you, and want your […]
I’m going to die tonight. If I don’t, then I will die tomorrow. If I don’t succeed tomorrow, I’m going to keep trying until I succeed.
thank you my friends at sp, for a most wonderful day. this is the best i have felt in a month, and i attribute it to you. you give me hope (damnit, whispers, lol). all of you have shown me many things, but most importantley, you have shown me i can love. again. for those of you who dont know my story, thats a big thing. it finalley started snowing here (lol, i know tm) i walked to the store for a coke and smokes,giggling and laughing. why? all i could think about was three moons. come my friend lets dance in the snow,make a […]
I am only living because I have kids and I don’t want to hurt them. Everyone I have ever trusted has lied to me, abused me or left me. I used to be niave and full of hopes, forgiveness and stamina. The older my kids get, the closer I get to suicide. When they are on their own and they leave me, I will definitely choose an exit plan. Lately, I think I may not be able to wait. I am not talented or skilled in any area even though I have tried many things. I’m best at loving others but no one values me […]