i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually […]
I’ve always been the caring person who was always there for others.
Yet that has been haunting me.
Somehow because of that people end on blaming me.
I’ve been used by people for just anything whenever they were done with my help they ditched me until they needed me again.
Can someone help me changing that?
I realized I want awful things to happen in my life, so it decipts how bad I feel inside. I want to hide behind an awful event so people think I have a reason to be sad, because people never believe feelings can get so painful, to the point you hurt physically. To the point you want to kill yourself. They need something concrete.
One year ago, my father died, and just a few minutes before I learned he had passed away, I found a small part of myself feeling okay with the prospective of him dying, so I could hide behind that event. Not […]
Isn’t it fun when you see someone you used to know, get a glimpse of how successful and fruitful their life has been, and meanwhile the only thing you can hope to do is die.
Because you’re such a fucking failure and your life is nonexistent, all you can hope to do is die.
Some spark of the old competition flares up in you, but it’s silly because you fail so hard at life.
Nearly killed myself today.. Anyone wanna talk? I lost everyone I ever used to talk to. devinbelver@yahoo.com  kik: devinx7
When he found out I was cutting, he tried not to help the urge. Then he used it as a threat. He then got scared if others found out. Now he’s back to yelling, pushing me to cut or commit. I wish I could. The worst I can so is cut. I can’t commit. I am able too. I do not fear Death. But milady said to not disappear. So, I will pursue some hope in this pit of Hell.
Expectations have destroyed me it’s hurts to be here anymore every one thinks I act this way for attention (and by every one I mean my parents) I’ve tried confessing to my parents but my Mom just yelled at me and told me it’s normal I should just get used to it but I don’t want to be used to this pain and unhappiness I’ve felt for ten years my dad took a whole different approach he threatened to take my doors off and get my admitted in an insane asylum I know it’s not normal the way I feel but I have no one […]
for once i felt finally okay
i felt good
i felt like i was going to recover soon
but then it came crashing down
this wave of depression
it hit me and it hurt me
everything started coming back again
the nightmares, the voices, everything
the urge to cut is greater now
ive found out more ways to hurt myself
it doesnt do any good though
but i do like and i dont know why
i started eating full meals
a few days ago
but now that has changed
i can feel my family stare
as i go to get food
judging me
watching me
So basically people are absolute dicks head in my local towns, like I am a pretty normal guy except I love metal I have long blonde hair and I tend to fuck things up quite easily, and I don’t even know how.. Like my ex girlfriend I had loved her for over 2 years and when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out ( also we were really good friends) to my surprise she said yes 😀 but then everything fucked up real fast, she said she didn’t like me anymore, since then it has been 2 months and she has ignored […]
I last posted in February, and I haven’t really been active since then, just trying to get better I suppose. In my previous post, I shared with you all about my suicide attempt with bleach. It was a terrible decision on my part and I regret it deeply now. Looking at all the pain it caused for the ones I loved, it was honestly one of the worse things I have done.
But now I am getting better. I had posted before about how I was losing my emotions and how I couldn’t cry anymore. Now I can shed tears, which I have now […]
So, past few weeks have been hell. I have been having extreme bursts of anger/violence. It isn’t me, it isn’t me at all. I’m a good girl and now… in less than two weeks time I was taken to ER in handcuffs in back of cop car (released same night) I had to talk to a therapist in a cheap hospital gown naked. I’d rather they strapped me in the chair as long as I would’ve got to keep my clothes on.
Anyways, cut to this morning … my dad was in my room and called me names and screaming and what have you… he barricaded […]
I’m sorry I try to help others but I’m in the same boat!
I have my frustrations as well 🙁 it isn’t like it used to be ïŒ
The things I enjoyed have lost their luster!
Sex for example, yes I loved sex ok I love it a lot! But it isn’t like it used to be :(ïŒ
The naïve thoughts, the excitement! Have lost the shine, oh I’m not saying I don’t enjoy it :)ïŠ
But I’ve done it so many times this way that way, hell I belong to the mile high club! :)Try doing that today! Ha ha! Well I won’t go […]
Is this what you wanted me to do, to hurt myself again?
I think that it’s worth it
I’m not sure if I should be afraid, right now
All I know is this life is a lie you made
I will not let me go
I will stay here alone
You are what gave me hope
Now I have no home
But I’m not leaving
Aren’t you the one that pushed me over, left with all these holes?
I think you’re perfect
I can’t decide who was right or wrong, but I’m sure
With all these bruises blame, it must’ve been you
Hurt me harm me
I’m […]
I used to smile all the time. I never cared what anyone said about me. Then they started getting meaner meaner. They hit me and called me things like “slut” and “*****”. My own friends had turned on me. Like they didn’t even care about me anymore. I thought for a long time. Then I started cutting. I never thought I would be one of the people who started doing this. I actually felt really good. The bullying just got worse. I got so tried with it. I decided I wasn’t good enough because that’s what they told me. I got a bottle of pills […]
When they say silence is golden,
you know it’s true,
when you experience her,
yelling at you.
You want to cry,
you hold back tears,
everything you lost,
is so near.
You look her in the eye,
and take it like a man,
even when you’ve had enough,
when it’s all you can stand.
She doesn’t care,
she keeps yelling.
Maybe becomes physical,
she says don’t go telling.
You keep your mouth shut,
you wipe away your tears,
you put on a fake smile,
for your sanity my dear.
Once your awake,
you fear the day,
you want to go back to sleep,
and make your pain wash away.
When she […]
(i dont know why its upside down..) This is me. I may not be the prettiest person alive but here i am. I know im not pretty, i hear it everyday from everyone. even my own family. Im used to it. Call me whatever you want. Im a cutter. Im suicidal. This is who i am and nothings going to change that. Ive tried killing myself 8 times. my 8th attempt happened recently about a week ago when people at school started picking on […]
Im a loser but I shouldn’t be,when I look at myself as a whole I should be happy I used to be popular now im a fuzzled anzty thing I cant even chill,If only I could snap out of it
Where are you now? I used to feel you in everything I did. I used to feel you in the wind, the water, my heart. Now.. I feel nothing. It’s like you never existed. It’s like you were never apart of me. You could make me cry, in a way that wasn’t tragic, but beautiful. You brought me joy and happiness. You brought my heart and mind peace. You took away the darkness and the pain. You stopped the tears and the hurt. Now you’re nowhere to be found, and I feel everything more than ever. I feel the pain and hurt like someone stabbing […]
I’ve been acting for my entire life, and I’m getting tired of it. However, every time I try to stop, people immediately begin criticising me and start comparing me to other, better people. I’m not useless. I’m a bad example. I used to be the person that everyone wanted me to be, but now I don’t know. I don’t know whether or not I should live. I don’t know whether or not anything is worth living for. I don’t know whether or not this is a bad dream and I’ll wake up soon. But mainly, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face this. […]
I’m a disturbed individual, but what else is new.
lately, on my worst days I’ve been fantasizing what would happen to my corpse. Â I don’t want to rot in a box to turn into some lifeless fossil, nor do I want to be left as dust in the wind.
All my life, I’ve failed. I don’t deserve a noble burial. No one should cry for me in a church. I don’t deserve nor want a blessing or ritual.
my only request would be to be a useful corpse. Lab geeks and scientists can pick at my organs, nerves, or bone; or my molecules and their electrical charges be […]