I lay here all night and morning till the sun comes up. The light hurts my eyes now I’m so used to being alone in the dark and enjoying the quiet that I hate so much. It’s not that I like being alone it’s all I’m used to. How do you go about changing that? Make friends, get into a relationship, go outside and live a little? I can’t anymore, I’ve lost my connection with the rest of society it’s just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t even want it to go away anymore I just want it to be quiet forever. I […]
Okay. I’ve never done this before. I’m not open about these sorts of things, mainly because the people that are meant to love me and support me are the ones that are causing me the most distress. Only two people in my life have actually loved me – one changed to hating me when I let them crack away at the surface, and the other doesn’t know half of what the first did. I know that I am unloved, and no matter what I always will be. It’s just who I was born as.
There’s a friend I’ve been talking to about some of this because […]
As I type this, I’m sitting on a beach completely alone. I have no one, in the very end I’m alone. Friends are hanging out, couples are walking the beach holding hands, how did I end up like this? What is wrong with me that I have no one? I can’t be that unlikable i hope. Is god punishing me or something?. I met a girl, long distance though, though she really don’t like me for who I am, just for what I am. Can I not find any one real? Everyone is so fucking fake. Well I better get used to it, this is […]
Everybody will be better off without me. I’m a burden to society in general it’s actually quite embarrassing.
I have nothing to offer the world. My grandmother used to tell me everybody has a purpose in life–maybe mine was simply to die.
Just a few more nights…until then I’m getting dressed up nice for the last time right now. I’m going to see my grandfather. I feel like it doesn’t make a difference if I go to family events or not anymore. Nobody actually cares if I’m there or not. But I’m sucking it up and truthfully I’d like to my grandfather and his dog one last […]
a friend told me that he had ******** dissolved but wasn’t able to go through with it. it’s been dissolved for a few days and now he worries the powder has lost its effect. I told him to go to the hospital but I’m worried about what he might do.
does anyone know, if ******** is dissolved but not used immediately, does it lose its effect? if it’s not pure anymore, what would happen if you take it, would you still wake up? would you get brain/organ damage if you wake up? help!
It’s been quite some time since I last posted here. Life was difficult (and in many ways still is) when I was a regular contributor. A quick recap: chronic pain/back injury, constant struggle to get necessary medications to manage said pain to maintain something akin to a “normal” life, got destroyed in the housing market collapse – lost two houses, and child support enforcement that seems to think I a gazillionaire when I can barely afford to eat – never mind that all “children” are adults.
There’s a plethora of other smaller issues that contribute, and some of those listed above – particularly the child support […]
I can’t sleep until like one o’clock anymore because I don’t know. I just stay up at night with all of this energy and I feel like I need to go fight somebody or run a few miles. I can’t though. I have to stay at home and try and sleep. It happens during the day too, I’ll just feel cooped up and I have to do something, anything at all to get rid of the energy. I’ve literally never had problems like this before and now it won’t stop. I get angry for no reason and I start to freak out and all sorts […]
“..lying awake in bed feeling the spot on my chest
where you used to
where you used to rest your head…”
– Being as an Ocean
The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget
This song kills me every time. It was ours. It was one of our many. This was our band. right up there with Trophy Scars. Why did i give you so much of […]
First of all I”ll tell u about my parents: when my mother was pregnant with me in her she wanted a girl since I have 2 older brothers, so when I was a child she used to treat me like a girl my hair was long, she used to let me wear dresses…etc I really love her the most in my familly, my older brother has psychological problems (autism, shezophrenia and some other syndromes) his iq is 70 – 80 therefore a lot of schools didn’t accept him, he should have went to a private school for special people like him, but my father insisted […]
Color influences perceptions that are not obvious, such as the taste of food. Colors can also work as placebos by having the color of pills be certain colors to influence how a person feels after taking them. For example, red or orange pills are generally used as stimulants. Another way in which colors have been used to influence behavior was, in 2000, when the company Glasgow installed blue street lights in certain neighborhoods which resulted in a reduced crime rate. For example, males reported that red colored outfits made women seem more attractive, while women answered that the color of a male’s outfit did […]
“I’ve grown used to the depression. I’ve grown used to the emptiness. “
I’m tired. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I want to be.
I’ve gotten used to the depression; the anxieties; the empty feeling; the voices. That’s how I ‘live’.
If I do make it out alive, how am I supposed to live? This is the only way I know how to ‘live’.
I am not afraid of death but afraid of life.
its been a tough couple of years..sixth grade and up was bad. my eighth grade year, my dad passed away..two months before i entered high school. R>I.P 7/19 i entered 9th grade alone and lost…i hated the world and i had a huge gap in my heart..from 7th til this day, i used self harm as an escape..after my dad passed away from cancer, i didnt eat and i constantly self harmed..a week and a half before homecoming, i lost all my friends due to rumors that everyone made up..saying i slept around and did drugs..none of it ever happened and none of it was […]
I see my body, impaled on the rebar outside. No one understand no one loves. They just use me, sadly, there is much to be used.
Above are a few of my older shots repurposed or recycled to make one piece.. Is that what I am? Am I just something that someone forgot about? It’s like whatever put me here found me and decided that I could be used to take everyone’s shit. Have I been repurposed? I used to be proud of who I was.. Not so much now..
A flower destroyed for its fragrance
A singer being forced to dance
A branch broken to cause pain
Water released to go down the drain
All of […]
Let me detach my head
You can keep it in your bed
Where so many memories were made
So many things were left unsaid
For my ears will hear you whisper
My eyes will see you smile
My lips will speak your name
But I can only stay a while
Let me remove my heart
You can keep it in your car
Where I used to leave my shades
And my shoes were often shed
For I long to feel the wind
As we drive on for miles
The radio up too loud
But I can only stay a while
Let me tear out my lungs
You […]
When i wAs younger my grandfather used to molest me too. Am I not a person? Do I deserve no respect? Recently me and my boyfriend broke up. He cheated on me. Lots of people are dissing me not him. How I wasn’t good enough. I don’t think I was either. If I was maybe he wouldn’t have cheated on me.
She don’t even remember yo birthday!!That person that used to be crying In the restroom cutting himself 30+ cuts,thats the old you.That person that tried to kill himself two times Is the old you.Now,now she don’t even remember yo birthday.People come & go but success stays with you as long as your willing to do your part.Work hard so that no one & I mean no one can take that away from you!!Its only the beginning of your young life & were all happy that you stuck around to experience It.
So today I was inviting people to something on facebook, and I just saw her face among my friends.
That sweet girl who used to be my friend on highschool and killed herself some years ago.
It’s kind of weird having her on facebook. It makes me feel… I don’t know how. Specially seeing her childish face when everyone else has become an adult.
It’s like if a piece of world had stopped moving. And there she is, being 19 years old forever.
I remember that I saw her a month before her dead. Even if our friendship didn’t have a good end and we hadn’t […]
I am the youngest in my family. I’m not close to anyone in my family except my brother (1 year age difference). When I was born I had two older (half) sisters who were about 8 and 6. I remember getting blamed for everything. They used to frame me and nobody ever believed that I was truly innocent. Even now, when they’re young-adults and no longer live here, I get blamed for anything bad happening in my parents life. I guess it’s easy to blame me. My father has a horrible temper and my mother has a personality of a mean school girl. This is […]
It cracked like porcelain along the edges of her mind,the crack echoed across the land, the force of of it alone split the mast and sent it careening to the side. Where the tattered and frayed sail touched,it prompted the sea water to shoot into the sky to rain down upon her.
Not even the birds were present this day. The porcelain cracked sky cascaded down in a shower of rainbow fleck chips.
It was all falling apart.
The sun could no longer support its own weight and like a man who was destined to drowned it sank below the earth never to be seen again.
The moon did […]