I must forget you
All those painful memories
Being honest to myself and realizing
You do me no good
You make me want to change
I need to face this ruthless loneliness
I need to hear myself for a change
This so called freedom is unfamiliar
Due to your heavy memories that still linger after your absence
Life should be so much more than staying alive. So often, I want to leave, to go on to a better existence. But it doesn’t go any further because I don’t want to hurt my mom & children. And yet what kind of existence is it to merely survive?
Anyone have any ideas for social interaction online? I mean a place that placates to the mentally ill, but is already well established. I just want to talk to some people, my social issues are too much to handle in real person, and I am just kinda lonely.
Any tips would be appreciated.
I feel so powerless and worthless. I’m in pain again. I just want to take my life.
I can’t cope with life. It’s too painful. It’s torture and agony what I’m going through again.
I was able to distract myself recently and felt good by keeping busy. Yesterday all the pain came back because of a memory of the past. Now I don’t have the will to do anything. I feel so small, insecure and hopeless. I just want to end my life. It’s the only thing that can free me from this nightmare and give me peace.
Sigh…
I don’t think I should exist. I’m a terrible person. That’s not an emotional response, just a plain statement of fact. And I don’t think I have it in me to do better. I don’t want to do better. I want terrible things.
Except I don’t. It’s hard to explain. I have enough of a conscience to see what an awful person I am, and feel bad about it. It’s tough for the ego, realizing you’re at the bottom of the heap, morally speaking. But not enough to really want to do the right thing. I don’t care about anything or anybody enough for that.
I just […]
Ah yes, another junky clean. I honestly want to stay off of shit this time around; I have no interest in being dependent on chems or people. I make enough money, and function well enough to maintain an addiction for years, but the problem is I know I would end up just dropping dead. Well, drugs normally drive me out of control with depression, and on an almost cyclical clock I make an attempt at suicide. Playing with your brain chemistry like I do results in incredible unpredictable mood swings. That being said, honestly drugs always helped me control my anxiety and anger levels, but […]
Here’s the thing: I’m fine now.
I mean, I have been so depressed, so desperate… and now it’s all over.
My mind is not sinking in anxiety like it always was. I’m calmed. I can laugh, talk to friends, do things. I’m ok. Everything is back to normal.
Except that it doesn’t feel normal. Everything feels unreal. I’m looking for a job, trying to go back to university, but I don’t want to do any of those things. But I don’t want to not do them neither.
I don’t want to stay home, I don’t want to go away. It’s not that I don’t know what I […]
Everything seems ok, then someone asks: are you ok? And I start crying non stop. Yes everything is ok.
I have to go work, but I get there and do nothing.
I am feeling empty.
A few good opportunities came to hand this week. Things I would have given everything else for, a year ago. And here I am, not giving a fuck for them.
I just want to cry. I just want to stop feeling this sad.
I’ve been sleeping through the past few weeks since the new semester began. Last semester i slept through the last 2 months of term and i scraped through my exams, but since then i just dont have the energy or the discipline to work. And it’s kind of funny because what happens to those of us who don’t want to work? Do we just go homeless and starve on the streets? If it comes to that, i’ll make a point of dying on my own, out of the way, in the wilderness somewhere.
Every time i feel this complete and utter lack of hope, a level […]
Well I’m going to go a different road today and say that I have a pretty positive outlook on life at the moment.
Today was a actually a pretty good day and I’m thankful for it cause they’re rare anymore.
Had a good aa meeting, had a meeting downtown for community service hours and I didn’t buy any drugs even tho I kinda had a plan to mabey look for something to take the edge off. Even took the money out, just didn’t ask anyone so that felt pretty good too.
Getting out of the house too was actually good I didn’t want to leave my room today […]
I have a decision to kill myself in the head but at the same time I have people who are trying to help me. They want to add psychoanalyst to my psychologist and psychiatrist. Also I am supposed to have a support person who would meet me I don’t know once a week. I feel like its too much. Too many people putting their nose into my business. And it feels like so much effort for nothing.
I don’t see anything changing my mind. Of course I can’t tell them my real thougths. Or maybe I should. I am hospitalized already… Ah I’ve been […]
What is it all really
we may set ourselves up each day to be optimistic but bad things continue to happen I don’t want to get emotionally attached to anything anymore the despair when someone you care about hurts you or when inconveniences happen is just too unbearable
i don’t want to live life hollow and emotionless but there’s no other way to get by you have to shield yourself from pain is the pleasure really worth all the torment
What is the real meaning of life what is my purpose for being here it’s hard to live when your depressed let alone when your list for living and dying and you have more reasons to die then live I guess the only thing keeping me from trying again is the what if but what if things don’t get better and I’m just waiting around hoping I’m so tired and sleep isn’t helping just want to sleep for ever and disappear
The constant thought of ending my life is tearing me down. I wish to end it, but somehow I can’t.
The thought of suicide keeps coming back and slowly becomes stronger and stronger.
My friends and my family have abandoned me. I never bothered to look them up. Now I want to look them up, they don’t have time for me :'(
I don’t care anymore whether I live or die and now I am dealing with my survival instinct. I wonder when I will find the strength to finally end it all.
All the harassment cost me my friends and the people doing the harassing and stalking have […]
I’ve posted these songs before on this site under a different name, but I’m going to try to stick to this username, so I thought I’d post them under my real name. Here’s a link to some instrumental/spoken word songs I created and recorded. Nothing special. Just trying to give you all an idea of who I am beyond my depression and all. Also, that’s my real name and face, so use that information kindly, would you? I don’t want the things I say or share to go beyond this site if you don’t mind.
I don’t want to build a spaceship that travels at the speed of light or create replacement organs. I don’t want to figure out a clean abundant power source or a better way to grow produce either. I don’t want to do any of that nor do I want to participate in this stupid Capitalist system. I really don’t want to explain how socialism is not the same thing as communism and why a socialist president would benefit a semi-Capitalist America.
I don’t even care about the fact I was a guinea pig for now-commonly-used prenatal devices in Cali or the fact I helped preserve my […]
I was supposed to go out today. I broke down 10 minutes before we left due to the arguing downstairs which made the voices unbearable. I’m going out tomorrow morning now. I’m terrified. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to leave the house. I couldn’t leave my room until mid-afternoon today because there was a man in the hallway waiting for me.
My mum yelled at me because I’m hearing the voices and Angels. She yelled because I’m seeing things. And she still wonders why I don’t speak to her. She makes me feel awful for having this going on. I feel guilty […]
What’s people’s thoughts on mental health and suicide ?
Why do most people think suicide is such a bad thing ?
Why should someone who what’s to die Carry on living iv they don’t want to ?
What triggers mental problems to begin with ?
Add to the list I’m curious
Full moons around the corner and my sleep is getting worse
getting angry, 45 days sober, on house arrest in the middle of nowhere, court in November, could be looking at jail again
But I’m not looking that far. I’ve set a date for my suicide, if I still feel like it in June I’m going to kill myself.
started working again. Forgot how much I hate the farm, the hours suck, pay is horrible, work with a boss that hates me. Step dad’s suck balls. Real dads forgot about me. Chronic pain, need a hip replacement.
Wish I wasn’t an alcoholic, a good drunk would be awesome right […]
sitting on my couch my stomach hurts my brain hurts im full of tears and anger and rage and hate and wind and shit and garbage and i just want to die
please someone come here and blow my brains out cut me up murder me i can’t do this anymore
this sucks this sucks this sucks this sucks
i hate life i hate life i hate life i hate life i can’t do this anymore i can’t do this anymore i can’t live i can’t live i can’t handle being here with myself alone and lonely i want to chop off all my limbs and organs and […]
Please log in to report posts