Tag:

want

I’m back, after a long time

by chelle428 2/19/2016

written by chelle428

I haven’t been on here in a very long time, I don’t even recognize any of the users now. I stopped posting because I didn’t think it was really helping me, but I’m really needing a place to share how I’m feeling again.

I thought things were getting better for a while, I had a counselor and I was on antidepressants for a while. The antidepressants were helping but then we found out that I’m severely allergic to most medications. The only medication I wasn’t allergic made me incredibly sick all the time and made me feel worse. My counselor was very nice, but all she […]

2/19/2016 12 comments

Yet

by Moneypenny 2/18/2016

written by Moneypenny

Well yesterday was a good day… a lot of things were starting to fix themselves or at least thats how it felt. And yet… I am feeling so incredibly lonely…it’s as if I could go crazy if I don’t have someone to talk to.

but I am feeling so alienated… as if I were talking to people that lived in a parallel dimension, somehow I never reach no one. I feel rejected all the time.

I need people around me, and that’s so hard to achieve, because everyone is busy living their own lives, and I don’t want to live mine

I wanna stop feeling lonely…

2/18/2016 27 comments

The Aftermath: Waking Up.

by GTSuicide_6 2/16/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

It comes to my mind occasionally, the prospect of waking up in a hospital following a suicide attempt.

It scares me. It unleashes a new fear of doubt and uncertainty: the question of, “what if?”

What if the rope doesn’t work, then what? Or the pills? What if the bullet misses, or the height is too short? That the bag doesn’t work, or that the blood doesn’t flow? Then what? You wake up.

The simple thought of waking up the next day alive is unbearable.

The shame and guilt and hopelessness, anger, ALL negative feelings, how can you bear it?

I want to know if there are people out there […]

2/16/2016 9 comments

…

by Moneypenny 2/15/2016

written by Moneypenny

…

Why while everything is going fine, when I know how to deal with things and how to solve my problems do I refuse to be ok?

Why if I know everyone matter and everyone is valuable I just don’t know what to do with that?

Why do I feel so rejected? So inevitably rejected for all I am?

Why do I apologise all the time for what I am? Why can’t I stop apologizing? I hate to apologise for even breathing.

Why do I need to hear from others that I am ok? I need it every minute. I keep all day looking for someone to tell me I […]

2/15/2016 14 comments

I’m not sure where I’m going but…

by viola 2/15/2016

written by viola

It’s finals week for us and I don’t know if I can take it any longer. My mom told me if I wanted to be a scientist, I’d have to move to another country because the government wouldn’t support my projects here and that someone might kill me, especially since I want to protect the environment here and people (like poachers, smugglers, and corporations) tend to try to kill those that do so. But the problem is, I want to work here and my parents think I should be either a doctor or go to another country. And my parents are sort of trying to […]

2/15/2016 3 comments

Im not gonna make it till next weekend

by rayonhousefly 2/14/2016

written by rayonhousefly

Ive been getting extremely angry at those around me this past little while, and well, they deserve it most of the time. Stupid fucking irritating as fuck want to bash their skulls in every time they open their mouths. Oh how I wish I could. I never would, it makes me feel better to think about though. Stupid fat drunk ***** thinking she’s in any position to give ME advice.

Goddamn it I just need to get the fuck out of here before I hurt someone, that’s just why I’m going to hurt myself instead

2/14/2016 2 comments

Life isn’t for everyone

by Drowning 2/13/2016

written by Drowning

2/13/2016 21 comments

Im not actually depressed….

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 2/13/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

I’m angry. I’m angry and being anxious by being trapped. Angry at my traumatic meaninglessness of a life. I’m not truly suicidal or ugly just anxious. I have emotional trigger points. I have mental blocks I’m so furious at them furious at my helplessness that i channel it inwards and call it depression. I have ideas and i told someone if I’m just mediocre at half of them I’ll be a millionaire. I believe that. I just want to get the fuck out of my own way. Ive lived in pain, helplessness, and hopelessness far to fucking long. Tired of having so many exposed buttons. […]

2/13/2016 2 comments

One Last Try Before Time Ends

by Zetsumei 2/12/2016

written by Zetsumei

If you will, allow me this brief moment to give my earnest.

Time to awaken, princess. The sky is waiting; reincarnation or fallen, those your fates.

O, lost soul wandering purgatory, will you take my hand?

Before the moon wanes upon this moment, I’ll hold you gently if you want me to.

I can hear your heart shivering in the silence

even though I’m just stroking your blushing cheek.

Perhaps this honest appearance scares you

yet you’re wrong to assume I’m an angel.

A vampire to savor your nectar,

an incubus to steal your soul,

a ghost to possess you…

Everything and more to sate your ease

yet the honey in my words and feathers in my […]

2/12/2016 6 comments

Posting too much.

by Alan Ominous 2/10/2016

written by Alan Ominous

I read the rules. I know I’m posting too much, or too often. I’ll probably get banned soon. Anyways, I just had an hour long conversation. With myself, using my voice, a Hispanic accent, and a possibly Swedish? Accent. Probably the best conversation I had this month. I’m so fucking lonely.

I know I’m just attention whoring. As my spouse puts it. Because I’m all about me. So there I said it. I care more about myself than I do about anyone else. I hate myself and want to die, so what good can I do anyone else.

2/10/2016 6 comments

I don’t know what to do anymore…

by ZeZombie 2/10/2016

written by ZeZombie

I’m sixteen…and even so I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

I feel like I’ve failed my parents and I’ve failed myself more than ever. For the past two to three years, I’ve tried to commit suicide, but I can’t bring myself to use a knife, or to pop a pill, or even to hang myself. I used to cut, but that became a hard stop when my parents found out and I’ve been clean since then. I tried talking to my counselor, but my parents got mad because they said: “It makes us look bad!”

I’m falling apart..inch by inch. I don’t like […]

2/10/2016 4 comments

Is It That Bad?

by Metalgore 2/8/2016

written by Metalgore

I was on the brink of turning to self harm once again for the second time this week (I’ve been trying extremely hard not to only because warmer seasons are coming up and its annoying when I get weird looks from people -.-) and i noticed how many fucking razor blades i have………..35…..idk…..i have a ton…..o-o…is this bad?? I know i need help but i just don’t want to get any let alone make my parents even more angry at me because they have to pay for therapy for their worthless little daughter.

2/8/2016 1 comment

They’re Lying

by JiminyCrispies 2/8/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Lately I’ve been terrified. I don’t want to go downstairs, I don’t want to see anyone. And I most definitely don’t want to leave the house.

I missed college, again. That wasn’t entirely due to the fact that everyone is trying to kill me outside. No. Saturday morning I was forced to restart my medication because my moods have been ridiculous. An hour after taking it I had awful pains in my stomach and I was throwing up, and another hour later shooting pains were going through my chest.

Within a few hours I was burning up and I was hurting everywhere. My temperature was high enough […]

2/8/2016 3 comments

Weakness

by Moneypenny 2/8/2016

written by Moneypenny

So I am the laziest person ever. I have been trying to convince my self of sitting down and write my tesis or to even read some articles as a basis. I don’t want to do it. I can’t do it. I hate having to do it. I really hate it.

I skip work today too. And even fail to do my part in a group I was trying to organize. The people are nice there, but they are getting tired of me. I just don’t want to do anything.

Last Monday I went to the doctor to ask for a remission for psychiatry (it’s necessary to […]

2/8/2016 3 comments

Alone

by Zetsumei 2/6/2016

written by Zetsumei

I need to accept the reality; either through force or escape. I’m so cold, so numb, so apathetic that I can’t save anyone. Yet, I try for no other reason than boredom. I don’t want to help them, I just do it to make it seem like my life has meaning. In the end, I just make things worse… Because I just don’t care.

Screw it, I’ll just say it already! Anyone that dates/befriends me is asking for trouble, especially on SP. God forbid, someone on here does develop a crush on me… I don’t even want to imagine that horror show…

2/6/2016 5 comments

Protected: Post-Therapy-Appointment Rage

by whiskered-fish 2/6/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

2/6/2016 18 comments

First Post

by Alan Ominous 2/5/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Reaching out, maybe I’ll get some insight or relate with someone.

To start, I don’t want to commit suicide. I would however welcome the embrace of death. So if it must come by my own hands, it’s something that will take time to build courage.

See, I don’t really want to die. I’m just failing to see another option. I’m trapped, currently. Bound in captivity. Not a situation I can fight through. I’ve been fighting for years. Though I may win a battle here and there, it’s clear I’m losing the war. I can’t escape, or run away. There are many dependant on me. So what will […]

2/5/2016 5 comments

Having multiple issues

by blank-clutter 2/3/2016

written by blank-clutter

What makes me really suicidal and want to give up is that fact that I have sooo many issues. If I just had one or two then they would be manageable but there is so many battles that must be won, only to have another one appear and I have to try again.

I dont think Im that strong, if I could win them I gladly would, I dont have the capacity and looking at life realistically tells me that I never will.

How can I overcome my social phobia, my addictive behavior, my fear of success and performance issues, my inferiority complex, my bad memory, my […]

2/3/2016 4 comments

Chat Rooms????

by Suicidal Angel 2/3/2016

written by Suicidal Angel

Does anyone know of any good chat rooms on the net where you can chat direct to people, rather than have to wait for replies as sometimes I could really use that instant chat. I’ve seen some pro-life sites for suicidal people but I don’t want the bible bashing types that just want to talk you out of doing it, not that I have made my final decision to do so yet, but still I don’t want to be influenced.

Also any places it would be possible to try to find people in my area as it would be nice to make a friend in person […]

2/3/2016 6 comments

I keep

by Namelessqueer 2/3/2016

written by Namelessqueer

pushing through the days somehow ignoring that nasty voice in the back of my head(sometimes at the forefront) that says I should die, that death would be easier, that death is sweet, that I should cry until I die. I’ve gone to the doctor lately who tells me she’s concerned about my weight gain and my liver. I googled diets that could help my liver and maybe i won’t drink as much anymore but im so sad and there is so much liquor in my fridge/freezer.

I’m at work pushing back the tears because they won’t help. I bumped into a friend from college and another […]

2/3/2016 9 comments

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