Ok I… I… I am sorry. I know you don’t want that. I know you feel awkward or that… You would feel awkward. And I am sorry. The thing is I think I fell for you. I am sorry. I really am. Your smile, your kindness, your open-mindedness, your eyes, your… everything. I fell for it. And I am so sorry. I’m sorry for myself because once again that is gonna be a one-way love leading to a one-way street of despair. I will try my best not to make you realise how I feel about you. You know what ? Two weeks ago, I […]
want
Hello. How are you?
I have a bit of another social problem. See, I have self-harmed for a long time, and I know how to deal with in. i.e. hiding the scars, dealing with the problems on your own, making sure no body finds out. That kind of deal. I’ve sat on that side of the fence for a long, long time – then I just left the park entirely.
It seems I have entered into someone else’s park, but I’m sitting on the other side of the fence. Today I discovered the cuts on a friend’s wrists. I say friend, its a very loose term […]
Most suicidal people want to die because they are suffering and want to escape the pain. I feel like I’ve overcome my depression, but I still want to die because I think I am not worthy of living. I used to be in an extremely dark place, but now I can feel happiness, but the problem is I don’t deserve it.
So I am socially retarded, diagnosed with Asperger’s. My face and body language barely show any emotion. It’s hard for me to say something as simple as “Hello” or “Goodbye”. I can’t hold or start a conversation, when people ask me questions I literally can’t […]
If you’ve ever watched Rick and Morty there’s an episode about these Meeseeks which are kind of like a genie. they exist long enough to complete their task, and once they have completed it they just POOF! However, in this episode they are faced with a task to hard to complete meaning they are existing longer than normal and its very painful for them. they want to complete it as soon as possible so that they can “poof” and stop existing. Well I feel like a Meeseeks, I have existed too long and just want to vanish. living hurts, I don’t feel like I was […]
As a follow up to my last post…
I feel so alone. He’s out with some other friends and earlier today I had to tell him about 20 times I don’t want to hear it and he actually said he thinks it would be good for me to get over him if I knew he went and fucked a random girl. No I just feel like my heart and soul got ripped out and stomped all over. It’s like he thinks my feelings can just be shut off and end on command. It’s like I’m not human at all. I feel so alone and like I […]
: to be honest i simply have grown tired of life…. I was hoping that by doing this the right way I would grow stronger … strong enough so that even I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone about the burning inside my soul. the inadequacy that I feel every time I walk into room. The shadow that I cast at dusk… It is a large shadow. It is painted with my suffering and misdeeds. I am truly a monstrosity. I am unworthy to live. and yet… many keep telling me that God wants me alive. that I ought to keep striving to survive , […]
I can’t stand being in love with the most gorgeous and sexiest man alive because he’s untouchable and is forever doing everything in his power to find the girl that fits his mile long checklist of criteria she would have to meet to be perfect in his eyes, when I’m right here by his side wishing I could touch him. This is torture and I can’t turn off my feelings because I’m so close to him and I’ve never been so close to anyone before. I really wish it would go away or that I could switch it off. It still makes me want to […]
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
Right?
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
You […]
I’m sorry everybody, I’m sorry I keep posting my short stories. I know you don’t want to read them, and I don’t want to distract from this site’s purpose. I’m so surprised that even though I’ve posted quite few stories by now I’ve had no active complaints. I won’t keep posting these stories. I tried to rationalize it, I tried to tell myself it was okay because people would say they’re beautiful or that they enjoyed them, but I shouldn’t be doing this I came back because I’m in a living hell. A hell where I can’t feel anything anymore. Instead I post these stupid […]
I need help making a bucket list of things to do before I leave 🙂 I dont really have much written down right now haha, so could you give me some suggestions?
so again I’m saying I quit. I’ve posted before saying I planned to end it, and obviously changed my mind. Well I’m back with a new plan. I did a little research, picked out my date. The steps are in motion. I’m tired of going back and forth and honestly I don’t want help. I don’t want to get better. I know I can’t. I did the math and I’ve had sucidal thoughts for around 8 yrs. I first tried to kill myself in 8th grade so I was around 12. And since then it’s been back and forth. I’ve tried to end it so […]
the saddest part: you don’t understand and I would never want you to be able to, because this, this type of sadness is like drowning beneath the waves in water that is two feet deep and all you have to do is stand up to save yourself, but you just can’t.
how does one ask for help? how do i tell the people that love me that theyre killing me? all i want to do is scream for help but my mouth is sewed shut with embarrassment. other people have problems to, why burden them with mine? keeping it all in is whats been letting me survive but now i feel like im going to explode. saying that i want to die is an understatement.
I have this friend, for privacy reasons I’ll call her Jane.
Jane victimizes herself. If you don’t know what that mean, it basically means that in any situation she is always the victim. She’s the one who’s been wronged and she’s never wrong. Of course, that isn’t true, we’ve ALL been wrong at one point or another, but she just won’t admit it.
So at the moment we’re in a huge fight, and I really want to remain being friends with her, but she’s driving me insane. I have explained so many times why I’m mad, and she just doesn’t ‘get it’. She keeps telling me I’m […]
I’m back home from the hospital. I combined a lot of xanax with alcohol but it didn’t work. Now I just feel weak and tired all over again. They gave me some sedatives so I just feel tired now. Tired and angry, angry at myself that I was unsuccessful. I feel no need to go on, no hope at all. I just want to disappear. I feel worthless because I am worthless.
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
Yeah, thats just all im gonna say too lazy too late to type properly sorry just thoughts flowing. This is my first post although i visited this site for like about 2 years never felt the urge to post only to read stories of other people but i saw many nice people around here and i figured i want to help people too but at the moment im just feeling so damn hopeless im sorry for bugging…. i guess i post from now on regulary if you dont mind suicide Community.
im meant to be drinking with a friend tonight and we’re meant to be taking Coke.. As bad as it sounds, I keep thinking of how easy it’ll be for me to od on it considering my heart problem and the alcohol intake. I feel that Overdosing is the only way to stop my pain, I don’t want to leave anyone but I can’t deal with the fact that I feel my heart breaking everyday over things that I couldn’t of avoided. Why should I be punished for loving the wrong human?
I’ve made a post a few days ago about my problem. I don’t know if it’s possible to view someone’s posts, but you are free to see my previous post if it’s possible if you want to know what my problem is. It’s loneliness, in a nutshell. A lot of the replies were indeed encouraging, especially those from people who could relate. My problem is that I’ve never even had a chance to be with a girl. I’m extremely shy and it took me 21 years to be able to just talk to girls, and now I lack the experience necessary to find a girlfriend, that’s […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe my friend Rachel is right. Maybe I’ve lost touch with what is real and what is not. All I know is that I am losing the battle. And I feel like I’m hurting my friends. They can’t deal with my shit. I can’t deal with my shit. I want to die. I want to disappear. But I don’t want to commit suicide. I don’t want to do that to my friends and family. I don’t want to put that pain on them. But I don’t want to continue in this pain. I don’t want to keep fighting. […]