So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that […]
want
I knew my best friend since the 1st grade, I instantlly knew we were going to be best friends. We’ve done everything together up intill middle school, we got put on different teams and we kinda just lost our bond, i tried to make is work but it felt like she didn’t want to be friends anymore so I started hanging out with other people and I asked her why she doesn’t want to be friends anymore and she said because I hang out with other people more than her. Around the begining of the year I started getting depressed and suicidal thoughts and she […]
It’s not like I want to die, don’t get me wrong. I just…. want everything to stop. I want the world to wait for me to figure things out and then move on. Of course that can’t happen, and I know that.
Sleep, though, is something that helps. I want to sleep for a while. Or, forever. I want to go to bed and not wake up. Sounds like a good way to go. I want to forget everything, wind back time to where I wasn’t like this. Just a few months ago I was normal. Happy. I made a mistake, something that’s not a […]
All i see is pain. Do i want to die or just for the pain to stop? Is there a difference? Is there any other way?
Moved to a new city for work. Don’t know anyone here.
Sometimes the world seems full of people I don’t want to know. People who lead dull, uninteresting, self-satisfied lives. Bored and boring people going about their humdrum existence.
Sometimes I think maybe it’s the other way around. That I’m dull and uninteresting and that world is beautiful and full of light and beautiful, interesting people shun me because I’m weird and fucked up and beneath contempt.
Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Mostly what I am is alone.
I want to share with you a story about my father. I want to share it because my depression is deeply affected by my family relations. The pain and hurts created a Pretend Girl who has been so very sad, so very alone and so very confused. Geee, a build up like that, who could turn away? 😉 I also want to share it because I think we are here in this crazy world to help one another. I want to share my story/stories and if you see part that can help you, I’d be so glad. I am going to write, to publish, to […]
I am 18 years old and i have been depressed and sad every single day of my fucking life for a very long time now. From the time that i wake up in the morning until night before sleep i feel terrible and sooo depressed and i can’t live like this anymore. My awful physical appearance make me hate my self and become an introvert. I am very short and have a small childlike face. I literally look like a 10 year old kid. I never had a relationship with a girl and never will. I am just an outcast in this society. This makes […]
Most of the request from GCHQ to google relate to suicide suspects- a huge part of the reason I want to commit suicide is due to the snooping world
Bollocks to GCHQ people who want to kill themselves due to the intrusiveness and ill autonomy of life want to snoop on us who feel naked, exposed, shamed and guilty with a history that included over zealous parents, another own goal for the assholes working for government who has destroyed america through drugs, illegal or otherwise, and the looting of the taxpayer and the economy. retards in hell deserve to leave a hell of a future for their kids in the future- what goes around comes around- twats
I am taking some time to be sure but in a few weeks getting affairs in order visiting familiy i think i may. The means are all too easy to aquire. I just dont want anyone i care about to find me.
Some days I’m ok, some I’m severely depressed and others I just want to die! Brain injury is a strange and vicious *****!!! Tattoos, music and spending time with the very few friends I have left helps me thru, no Dr’s, no drugs except weed:) and a few shots of JD!!!
Randall and Salt had responded to my last post of Saturday afternoon which detailed the latest episode of exhaustion I had on Friday/Saturday. They asked some good questions about what may happen to the mind if a person chooses to take their life by jumping from a height. I was grateful for the honest and kind way they approached the subject and respected my spiritual beliefs. Below is my response to them. I am hoping others (or the two of them) will continue to respond, because their words, questions and observations, really did make me think. And with the large number of posts on the […]
I’m that typical 3 sport athlete girl who you expect to be fine, always look fine, always feel fine, but I’m not. I’m not at all..
Tonight was Cross Country practice and as doing Cross for four years now I know what to expect, or so I thought. Growing up running I use to finish and never quit, never want to give up, or stop but tonight was different. The distance I should have easily ran and should have been able to complete I couldn’t. The thoughts in my mind I usually can control and continue to motivate myself, I couldn’t. Usually the statement “Your mind […]
“Why do you cut?”
Because I can’t take the pain inside me. Physical torment is better than emotional suffering or mental burdens.
“Why do you cut?”
Because I can focus on something other than my broken spirit.
“Why do you cut?”
Because when I see myself bleed, and feel the warm blood, I know that the cold I feel is not real.
“Why do you cut?”
Because it hurts so much but I don’t want to hurt them back.
“Why do you cut?”
Because it makes me feel better.
Why do I cut, you ask.
Because this is the only way to continue this farce of living.
Why do people say that? Time heals all wounds… classic quote that means shit. Dad, you died 2 years ago, and today is ‘your’ day .. I can’t celebrate it anymore, and I miss you so much. But 2 years.. no relief. That knife that twists in my stomach when I think about how much I wish we could trade places – it still hurts with the same intensity as the day you passed. I can’t stop hurting inside, I can’t stop wishing it was me instead of you – I don’t understand WHY God took you .. you are a thousand times more important, […]
Starting in January, I began experiencing what I call “sinking spells.” What happens is I suddenly loose all energy, like a tire going flat or a balloon suddenly deflating. I have to lay down and sometimes sleep for a couple of hours. I’ve checked my blood pressure when these attacks occur and it’s a bit low. When I awaken, it’s good. My cardiologist has suggested having a defibrillator implanted in case my heart suddenly stops. That’s just NOT gonna happen.
Yesterday evening, around 11pm, it happened again. I wasn’t sleepy when this happened…..insomnia…..well I quickly passed out in bed (not the same thing as drifting off […]
I just don’t want to be here anymore. I want to close my eyes and wake up far away from here. I want the ocean to roar around me with every wave, as I watch them crawl up the sandy shore. I want to be in a dark hole in the ground. I want to have a place to hide, a door to shut, a place where no one can ever make me feel this way. I want things to just stop and go away, I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been so nice, and accommodating, but people still say I’m a ***** even though […]
does it make sense that i hate myself because im too skinny? Most people hate being too fat i hate being too skinny. I want to be strong, i want to be big. Someone girls find attractive. Not someone they laugh at cause my body type is like a 5th grader. I want to be someone’s first option. Not “oh i invited 20 other people youre the 21st. wanna come” i want to be a friends first option, a girls, my fucking mother. I cant even be a first option to my mother. It makes you feel useless. I dont do anything. I sit home […]
I’ve never felt like I fit in – lost in a crowded room..
At school I was painfully shy – I wear a mask so no one knows the real me.
But the strangest feeling I’ve had since I can remember is that I feel like I just don’t belong here. Like maybe I was born in the wrong century or country.. I can’t explain it any better than that, but I feel so lost and like I don’t want to be here anymore – Its like I remember something, or someone and I miss them and desperately want to be with them again – […]
I’m ending my life tonight. I don’t want to talk about my story or leave anything behind. I just want to go since there’s no hope of getting better. As an atheist I don’t want to cease to exist, but there’s no other option if I want to escape a lifetime of chronic pain. Despite the fear I have I’m also feeling relieved knowing that it’s almost over.
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]