In the 23rd of August, 2013; I made my very first post on this website entitled Forgotten. The post was about how I had been dealing with depression due to relocation, loneliness, a growing anti-social behavior, and the loss of many friends in my hometown. I moved quite far from my home and lost many friends and dealt with depression for the past couple years. Now I have just been given news that I might have to relocate once again… to my hometown. At first I didn’t take my mother serious and said, “I would love to move back! Moving back wouldn’t be a problem!” […]
want
I just want this pain and loneliness to go away. I feel trapped. My depression is getting worse. I want to be gone already but im afraid to kill myself. Everytime I try to attempt suicide I fail. I dont know what to do for all this pain to go away. I hate myself and everything in this world. Why isnt god helping me? I ask for help but my life is actually getting worse.
It’s one of those days I don’t want to move from my bed or see anyone
You know, I’ve always been quiet; I don’t get heard because I’ve never said a word that I thought people might actually listen to.
You know, I’ve always been forgettable; I blend into walls and make myself small, and people don’t often even see me– they believe what they want to believe and I get lost in the mystery of who are we talking about?
You know, I’ve always been gentle; no one gets hurt because the only pain that lurks around me gets buried in laughs and pulled-down shirts, because no one besides me deserves to gain new scars.
You know, I’ve always been […]
Im tired of all this fucking shit. all these people. I hate this world. I hate being stupid and trying so hard to catch up and create opportunities for myself. I hate my home. it’s tense most of the time. I can’t do shit. i want to go back to college but then i find myself struggling and being sad for not being able to make friends. I come from a tough background and these white rich kids have been given everything to them. it sucks. i hate my life. i want to end it. i haven’t cut in about a month and […]
I already picked a method. I’m going to strangle myself with a belt. I want to do it right now but I’ve not left any notes, or organised my belongings, haven’t written a will.
Could anyone advise me on how to do that quickly and tell me what’s the best place to go to once I’m done preparing everything? I don’t want to do it at home because I don’t want my parents to find me.
I really don’t know who to talk to about this or where to go but lately especially my life has been so disastrous?? I’ve felt soooo isolated lately. More so than usual. I have no friends to rely on. No boyfriend. My mom hates me and I can’t stand her, and the only family who I am close to live overseas and I’m unable to get in touch with them. The fact that I have social anxiety puts a strain on everything so much more. I’m so so so terrified to get a job, but I need to get out of this house, I can’t live […]
But you’re just like every sorry fuck’n **** I’ve ever met! Yeah that’s right…all your friends warned you about me but you had to be curious. .you just had to find out for yourself and what did you get?
You sit there and play on my every insecurity but HAA.. guess what? They’ve been there longer than you and they will always be mine! Just like you will always be mine… HEY!! Are you listening?? Fuck you..don’t walk away from me!!
You want to talk about things that are a dime a dozen.. well I’m 3 down in a row of 56.5 minus this shit […]
I really don’t know what I expected from them. They don’t care about me and it’s not the fact that they don’t but the fact that I ever thought they did. I care so much about them and I just want someone to talk too that doesn’t make me feel as if just being around them is a burden..but I don’t have anyone at this point and I dont think I have ever been this lonely..
Let’s say you’ve just been diagnosed with a terminal illness and the doctors all agree you will be dead in less than a week. You only have 4 and a half days of physical and mental abilities before your brain is gone, you can’t walk or speak and two days after that you will be dead.
The Make a Wish foundation has caught wind of your story and they want to give you one last wish. You only have 4 and a half days to live it up. You must make every second count..
What do you wish for?
i dont care enough to even type anything else other than i want to die
I am starting to realize how down hill im going. I no longer feel the hope that i use to force myself to feel. Things use to seem beautiful to me, even when they went wrong. Now i feel as though i have no limits. No limits on substances or how much pain i will willing take on to myself. I dont have boundaries anymore. i dont have any typical eating disorder but i had so much built up anxiety i was going days without eating, i was weak and sad but physically didnt want food. I have the same thoughts of the same things […]
I just want to die. Like wouldn’t it be easier? My image of death is black. Like nothing. The end. No more, nothing more. I don’t know. I don’t like this. Life isn’t a choice. Primarily atleast. People make you. Your parents. But death can also be a choice. So why is it taboo? Like wtf is the point of life even..? There are things I love. But if i fade to black none of it would matter anymore.
Idk. I have a lot on my mind and I’m half drunk, I’m sorry. Just some thoughts/diarrhea of the mouth.
Not usually too into country type stuff, but I’ve been playing a bit of guitar myself again recently and this one struck me. Struck a chord, you could say. Actually I’ve been gaining a new appreciation for country/blues stuff in general recently. Just a matter of separating the good from the overly generic.
Something Salt said recently reminded me that I rarely actually post on here, just comment for the most part. So I decided to put some music on and type out a post. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about…well, the general insanity of the world, particularly the blended up mix of good […]
My wife and I began our relationship 16 years ago. It was the best time of my life, literally. ..in love, being loved. Words can’t express. But if you’ve been there, you know what I’m speaking of. As the years have passed we’ve taken the route that many couples have- marriage, children, etc. Somewhere in this I hAve lost her affection. Her quickness to anger and the feelings of revulsion I feel coming from her to me are breaking me down. I always took such comfort in knowing that we would grow old together…that I would spend my years with my best friend and the […]
CPS came in because one of my teachers called them about me cutting and doing drugs. They are now forcing me to go see a Psychiatrist and go to group with other girls that are in high school. If I don’t go, they will remove me from my mom since I have been cutting for so long. But honestly I don’t need this. I am fine with cutting and doing drugs. That’s how I cope and that’s what I’m good at. I don’t want to change. That is what makes me. ME. Not saying I don’t have emotional problems cause I’m sure we all do, […]
I guess I’ve been scared for a long time. I worry constantly about everything, so much so that people yell at me about my worries and about how annoying I am. I don’t know what will happen in the future – I don’t know if I’ll be able to change or if my depression will go away. I’ve had depression for about two to three years, and I haven’t seen anyone or told anyone about it, except for my best friend, but he doesn’t understand. No one understands. I don’t think I truly have friends, because they know me on a school-politeness-same hobbies way, but […]
Even if you’re not a believer, really inspiring stuff right here
Lyrics:
Maybe loneliness isn’t what I thought it was.
Because I’ve been alone a lot lately
And it’s brought upon me a new kind of sadness
And depression I’ve never felt before.
It’s comforting sadness and I don’t want to let go of it.
This newly discovered sadness is becoming my identity.
This sadness.
I went on a drive the other night and instead of writing like usual,
I just yelled every word that touched my lips.
I asked God who I was talking to
But I guess it was Him the whole time.
I don’t remember anything I said that night but I wish I did
It’s all my fault. Literally. There’s this myth that says that before you incarnate you give yourself life circumstances. If so I gave myself the best circumstances I could. And I did jack shit with them. I always want to go back and hit the reset button and the worst thing is that there isn’t a reset button. Life is shitty because I made it shitty and I have to shoulder it and I feel really depressed. Suicide isn’t easy and I want it to be painless and I haven’t found a good way yet and I fall and get up and I have days […]
Maybe it’s just me over thinking. Maybe it’s just my imagination. Maybe it’s just the memories. Maybe it’s just the voices in my head and the demons inside of me. Every night I undergo a spell that won’t set me free even when the sun rises and the dark is supposed to go. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want my demons to drown, but sadly they know how to swim..