Why does no one want me? Why do my friends always leave me? Why does no females like me? Am I doomed to live my life completely alone? What am I doing wrong? Is it me? Or are people ignorant assholes? I’m not perfect, no one is. I have flaws such as every other human does, but not so much that no one should like me…what is so wrong with me? It’s been like this my whole twenty years of existence and it just keeps getting worse every day. I don’t want to live a lonely loveless life, I want joy. I want to experience […]
want
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m falling in love,
But something feels wrong.
Something about his words,
Feels like lies dressed as love.
I need to find a way to explain
How I really feel about this pain,
I don’t want to get hurt again.
I just want it to be over. It’s been going on for so long that I don’t ever see myself being happy or my version of “normal” again. My validity has been lost and no one takes me serious anymore. It’s like I am the handicapped son, brother, partner and friend. I have always been very self sufficient and after the attempt I was basically forced to move back in with family. Not having a life I created for myself has made my will to survive and live to completely disappear. The only thing stopping me from ending my own life are the people in […]
I’ve just realised how vague my previous post was, which may delay the process in receiving some form of helpful reply.
Ill try to put into words this feeling.
I can’t do anything right. No matter what I say or do or how I look. The phrase “no-once cares unless you’re pretty or dying” comes to mind. Of which only one applies to me, and I can certainly say that my appearance has had no positive impact on my life. I feel empty but at the same time I feel nothing, so really the question is – do I really feel anything at all? Am I forcing […]
Every day feels less meaningful and I’m trying so hard to be positive but I feel like I’m just wearing down. I pretend to be happy around people and the only ones who I can tell about how empty I feel is my counselor and my mom, but she rolls her eyes and gets irritated when I bring up these things. I don’t have any relationships that have any degree of intimacy. I just want to be able to be honest with someone and to be myself. I’m tired of waiting for it to happen though and I just want to be happy without needing things […]
I think you hate me I’m sorry
I hurt you I am sorry
I know you hate me and you hate me and hate me a lot
I know you want me to die yes I will
sorry
I know you hate me sorry for being such an irritating *****
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
I cared about her so much and she threw it away. It was my fault but goddammit that doesn’t make it hurt less. I’m such an ass. I made her do things she didn’t want to and I ruined it. I… I’m a selfish prick… I’m going to cry and wish I could die tonight, but I won’t. I’m better than that. But this won’t stop hurting. not for a long time. This burns. Hollywood Undead. Black Dahlia. Most of it applies, but not all. Fuck. I care so much about her. I just want to make her happy. I thought I’d be okay being […]
From how my friends and family treat my sisters is a lot different from how I’m treated. I alway tell my parents I see how excited and more outgoing my friends are around them, and when they approach me they seem bored and more reluctant to talk to someone else.
My parents seem to think I’m just imagining things. They tell me I’m just taking their actions differently, and that they still love me. But I can’t see it. Every time I invite a friend over they smile and greet me, and before long they ditch me for them.
I’m not angry, nor do I blame my […]
Maybe I’m just too sensitive. I don’t want to be a part of them anymore. Is it my fault or is it yours. Stop being so sarcastic.
Stop. It makes me hate myself. It makes me hate everyone. But what do I know about hate.
I just know that I slowly don’t like going out with people. Don’t like people anymore. Don’t wanna hangout with people. Don’t wanna be social with people. Cause everything I’m doing has a sarcastic rebuttal. Oh well.
Swallow it. And pride down. Who cares about me anyways. Stop being so whiny.
The world is an ugly place. Ugly ugly place. Oh well.
On one of the spectrum, I am a depressive martyr, thinking thoughts of suicide 60% of the time. Hoping that a small fragment of happiness will bless my broken life. I still have hope that maybe one day it will change. I have found out that if you sit and wait for good things to happen, it usually never does, but I have also discovered when I try to make good things happen to me, it blows up in my face and I’m worse off than before. I don’t know why I came back here, did I thought it was going to make me feel […]
anyone want to talk? about anything. I just need someone to talk to. I haven’t talked to anyone in so long. I have no friends. I basically just end up talking to myself. it makes me want to die even more
My life has been layed out for me since I got out of middle school. “Take these classes” “Join this” “volunteer there” and I never had a say in anything. Recently I just got a tattoo. I am now a high school graduate. My mom found out and all hell broke loose. Of course being the person that I am I just sat there took all the beatings, and verbal abuse because in her mind I ruined myself. She told me to stop hanging out with everyone I’m friends with, don’t contact them anymore, and she took away my chance to go to Virginia for […]
I tried to save myself from me I tried to find ways to find peace I try to find happy bcuz happy won’t find me.
Every reason why I shouldn’t be here has arisen.
Depression has crashed down like icicles.
I will continue to cut all over my body as a signature of All the pain I have and can endure.
In the meantime I promise not to hurt those that hurt me in a way that they would hate themselves to face this too.. I just want peace for myself.
Waking up and Breathing is the hardest. It takes that peace away from me. […]
I don’t want to do this anymore. Feeling like this is worse than feeling nothing. I want out so badly, but I can’t because I don’t want other people to feel upset. But I still want to die. Does that make me selfish? I don’t know. I don’t really know anything anymore. In class, we played Jeopardy, but the questions were about fellow classmates. Y’know, end-of-year bullshit to waste what’s left of our time. I remember seeing the answer to the question about me; the board said, “Who is Aurelia?” That’s a great question, and if it’s ever on one of my finals I won’t […]
I don’t know if you’ve seen that slam poem, but you should. You know the one by the guy who has bipolar disorder where he says “I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave” and then goes on to talk about the future and make you cry? I watched that poem once and I remember that line sticking with me, always in the back of my head, always there when I was feeling like doing it.
I think my method would […]
I posted my story here yesterday. Someone asked me if I had ever gotten help from a mental health professional.
I have not. Honestly I’m scared. Not only of what everyone in my life will say, but about the process itself. I do not want to just be pumped full of anti-depressants and spend an hour each week talking about what makes me sad. I am also terrified of being admitted to a mental ward.
Is there anyone on here who has been to therapy/gotten mental help and would be willing to share what it’s like?
At school i only have three friends which we all have different sexuality. I’m a bisexual, one of them is Pan-sexual (which if any you don’t know means doesn’t care what they are boy,girl, trans) another Asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone) and the Heterosexual (straight) and this stupid fuck up group of people keep on bullying us about it. I don’t even know how they found out! It pisses everyone off but we can’t do anything because we’re quiet shy about it so we don’t say it much. And that just makes it worst how so how they know! Also we mixed classes recently […]
Okay, so here it goes. Im nearing an ultimate moral downfall now. Ive went from fastening belts on my neck or swallowing a couple of pills to straight forward assaulting myself. I entirely despise my whole life. Life has caused me nothing but pain and suffering. Each day I struggle to wake up properly cause theres just no reason to go on doing things people usually do at all. I have closed myself inside my cage. I dont usually talk, Im not socializing anymore. Been abused in school, first sexually when I was 13, then bullied and some physical violence too. Parents beat me up […]
It’s always the people that want to live that end up getting terminal cancer or hit by a bus or stranded in a house fire. Those of us that want to die, if we never commit suicide, we will be the ones living miserably into our late 90s. We’ll be the ones to outlive our friends, our spouses, even our children. It doesn’t make sense. We should get to have our misery cut short if we don’t want to live anymore. Cancer on demand… nobody would blame us for our deaths. Those that are happy and capable of dealing with this stupid world should live […]