So I know I have been posting things like this a lot lately. But yesterday I finally pushed the one person that was really holding me around. I told her that we can’t be friends anymore or can’t date or nothing. I know a lot of you will say why would you push someone away like this or do something like that. Well I don’t want her to take blame for if or when I do this. I don’t want her to hold the fault for the rest of her life. Cuz it’s not her fault and she should never take the blame. And I […]
want
Does anyone ever feel this way? i can be going good, then ONCE AGAIN, i find myself being taken advantage of for trying to help others, only to be critically used in the end, OR completely ignored by an entire facet of my family….always have been…and then they sit around and wonder what is wrong with ME?,,,when they refuse to have me over, state my house is too small, so refuse to come here. i hate the judgement and games they play. Neighbor wants to constantly use me…does help me at times (as i need/appreciate assistant due to my chronic pain issues) but just found […]
All these people seem so happy. And by happy, I mean at least mildly content. I used to enjoy the 4th, as well as many other things. So many people with their significant others. Years have passed since I’ve had one. I don’t blame girls. It’s me. I walk around all day depressed and utterly hopeless. I have no passion for anything anymore. At least I don’t have any kids to screw up. That’s why I used condoms back in the day. One more of me running around??? That would just be cruel. Some might find this upsetting, but I have great respect for those […]
Last night I came very close to an exit, I was ready, but I’m not sure what made me wait. I know some of it is my business responsibilities, I don’t want to let anyone down but I’m not sure why it matters so much to me? It’s not like their world won’t go on. I have decided I won’t exit in my apartment, I will take a road trip, no cell. I have enough meds stockpiled to shut my system down completely, just add alcohol. I’m so consumed by darkness – I’m physically never going to be well again, the doctors were plain about […]
So let me just start by saying, I hate myself. I have for a long time (almost 7 years). I’m 16 (almost 17) and male.
Just about everyday i’m told about how i need to get a job and get a liscence and get a car. I spend all my time in my room, on the internet because there i can do what i want without getting picked on. My whole school life people have made fun of me. In primary school i didnt give a shit. But in highschool, with 4 times the people (and people from other grades) picking on me and making […]
Several weeks ago in a reputable British publication, Lana Del Rey was quoted as saying “I wish I was dead already. . . I don’t want to have to keep doing this. But I am.”
Lana’s remarks, whether taken out of context or not, led to a massive backlash. People love her, or love to hate her. And then of course there are some who don’t know who she is and don’t give a fuck what she does or doesn’t say.
There’s people who put her down and dismiss her as a ‘faker.’ But who are they to decide what is real and is not?
My sister-in-law says […]
I Am Sorry
For all I’ve antagonize take pleasure as i agonize over my slow painful death and I say. I am sorry!
for those I have wronged my pain is prolonged I just want them to know. I am sorry!
for every second you waste on my stupid mistakes i am sorry
for every penny you spent on a life that I went, and wasted I am sorry
now that I’m gone I hope you move on and please… don’t remember me just know I am sorry
im really fucked up in the head & i just want to die so i can be at peace but im too afraid to kill myself im extremly miserable that im still here … why dont i have the balls to end it ? death is all i think about i even wish i get sick with cancer or something so i can die cause im too scared to do it myself …. i want to go im tired of being/felling sad,miserable,worthless,unloved,invisible,ugly,unhappy etc IM JUST TIRED & READY TO GO
In less than 24 hours it will be the one year anniversary of my suicide. Just typing that now the tears swell in my eyes. I’m left with multiple organ damage, some nerve damage and a dying heart valve that causes an arrhythmia. Memories that were so special are blurs and I’m but a shadow of my shadow. I meant every second of my suicide and it was the only time I’ve ever felt free. Free of pain: mentally, physically and emotionally. Free of fear, free from my past, free from the numbness and so alive that night is burned in me. The sensation was […]
im at this point where I just want to end it all.
the only bad thing is, i’m trying so hold to hang on.
most people say, well if you had time to write this, then you aren’t going to do this.
I want to so bad but I don’t want to.
I want to die so I don’t have to deal with these people anymore
so I don’t have to feel sad anymore
but I can’t wait for the day I leave for my grandparents house.
that’s the only reason i’m holding on.
I just wany yhis pain to end.
I don’t WANT to die, but that’s the only way I know how […]
honestly I am just so lonely. i am so tired of being sad and not being able to help it, and i am tired of feeling ignored and unloved. I have a friend that i trust and always help when they are in need but whenever i need help with my problems they are never there. And i dont know if i am being selfish or if i am even sad enough to be suicidal, and i wonder if i am convincing myself i am because i want attention. i just want to know if people actually care or if they are just saying that.
please […]
Well, I am going to write about what has occurred in my life; when my depression started etcetera. I don’t really care if someone reads this or not, I just really need to write it down. I was in a abusive friendship with a girl who lived 3 doors down from my house. I met her when I 3 years old and stayed best friends with her for 10 years. I know what you are thinking. An abusive friendship from the ages of 3-13? Well this “friendship” contained of me feeling like complete and utter crap 24/7 because of the friend mentally destroying me (intensely I […]
You’re birth exsist through my pain, fear, and loneliness. You’re always putting me down and telling me to end every bit of life I try to grasp on. You always echo the problems in my life ” you’re dad fucking hates you if you died tonight he’d kick you in the whole he digs himself” or ” she turned you down because you’re an ugly piece of shit you arnt good at anything all you are is a fuck up to society somebody kill him now. I try giving in to him but I get scared 2/3 of me want to die but something […]
So I feel I have hours maybe even just minutes left to live in my life. I am to the point where days are not even possible anymore. I have given up. My body is done and my mind is done. I can’t live through any of this anymore. I have everything in place and all I have to do is do my first step and then the last step that would finish me off for good. At this point I feel the only thing or person that could stop me is that one girl. Who I thought I could trust and tell everything to, […]
Today was the first day in several months I woke up NOT feeling severely suicidal. I’ve been trying really hard to break through these feelings of worthlessness and find a way to make a life for myself no matter what the cost. But it’s clear to me now that everyone absolutely fucking despises me and I deserve to be in a box underground. The first thing that happens is I log into facebook and my brother’s wife (one of the only people in my life) logs off IMMEDIATELY when she sees i’m online. Second, I ask a customer service person where to find royal mail boxes […]
Still looking for a friend and a place to crash out of Southern California. I have money for small rent and food. We’ll go party if you want, or do whatever. Let’s do this.
It dawned on me a moment ago that its very possible it could happen. Although I’d like to think you’re a stronger person than that, I felt I had to tell my end of it..
When you left me here alone, you took a part of me I can never get back. Not just your love and affection and the world beneath my feet.. But you took away my reason to fight, my reason to live. And because you knew it would destroy me, and still felt it was for the better, that part of me that fought for something more left with my undying […]
There was a time when i posted my sad story on this forum.To be honest i never want to remember those moments again in my whole life. But I definitely want to remember and thanks to this forum, that today i am a better person.
I met somebody through this forum who really helped me to overcome those bad days. I would like to do the same with people out here. I want to help you all and make you feel comfortable. I want you all to know that i will always be there if anyone needs me then feel free to msg me on inhellut@gmail.com
I keep slipping further and further down, this life is a bottomless pit. I’ve sold almost everything I’ve owned, my house (freely rented since I became homeless) is a state, I look like shit, I can’t sleep, communicate or learn, and I’m too depressed to do anything about to care for those things. I’ve been racking my a brains trying to find some way of making money, looking into things I shouldn’t but I’m too stupid to even make money illegally. It’s all patched up or too complicated. I’m clinging on for dear life but I’m already dead. I can’t accept it, I’ve always had […]
Hey guys.
I made a new video and guess what? I hate it. You know why? Because the person I made it for didn’t even appreciate it.
I don’t even know any more.
I’m losing happiness. I thought I got out of the tunnel. I just… don’t know any more. I don’t want to deal with any more pain. But I also don’t want to die. But, it seems as if the only way to not feel pain any more is to die. Why must God or whatever put me in such a position? I have died once, and I don’t plan to die a second time. But […]