I can’t do this much longer. I’m a guy, in high school, failing all my classes, and failing last years classes too. I’m too far behind. I’ll never graduate. I have no friends at all. No one cares about me. No one ever did. I hate it when people say no one cares about them when obviously people do. The only one that actually cares about me is my sister, she’s my only friend too. I have thoughts of suicide constantly, idk what to do. I want to get on a right track.. but life really sucks right now too. I mean, school isn’t my […]
Tag:
wants
So some studies are suggesting that trans fats can make you dumber. I’ve got to add those to my “diet” so that I can be stupid and happy like so many other people. Nobody wants to be intelligent.
My computer and network got hacked the other night due to a misstep of protocol before clicking-entering a porn-site. I was connected to the internet on my laptop through my iPhone’s network through “hot-spot,” and apparently my iPhone has been bugged, too, because it’s also lagging like s***. So now, surfing the web on my laptop has ceased totally because of super-lag and all I have now is SP on my bugged iPhone. I don’t know, maaaaaan. Who wants to hang-out….. I have a bunch of good bud. (Not a hard porn watcher, btw).
Common question I have been asking myself. Life is ironic . Those who wants to live dies. Those who doesn’t stays on.
Perhaps this is what discontentment is. Yup you can say I am discontented. The honest truth is that I do not see my purpose of life anymore
I am going to start my Final Year project soon. I am worried that I will pull my teammates grades down. I am worried he will end up doing all the work.
I don’t know what drove me to start this project with him. I guess I have misjudged my capabilities again. I […]
I am clumsy oath. I have no feel. I tried to massage my mother. I do not seem to feel anything. What am I good at? What am I doing here?
My ideas get rejected. I cannot even do a simple university assignment. I want to leave my university. My ego wants me to stay even I know really well I am going to kick out.
I like being alone because I feel even more alone with the people around me.
I am tired. I want all this to stop. I just don’t have the guts or energy to end this. THe world has come […]
I call her M&M. Because those are her initials.
She used to be one of my bestfriends.
Her dad went all manic and went crazy on her family and got sent to a mental hospital.
Then she got crazy.
It was like, She was a complete different person. She’s 13 right now and She has probably had sex with 30+ highschoolers at my school.
None of the highschoolers like her for her. and she knows that but she still lets them do whatever.
She got super suicidal before all this happened.
Then she tried to overdose.
and then she slit her wrists.
Then she went […]
This was probably my 32nd time trying to end my life… and again I failed… I can never seem to fully break the skin enough to do anything. :'( I just want to do because, no one needs me nor wants me around and I have no purpose nor reason to exist anyway…
I still have a few other ways to try before I officially give up on trying to end my life for good… so far I’ve tried, Hanging, burning, cutting, drowning, electrocution, running in rush hour traffic, and beating myself. And I have done all of these things multiple times… 🙁 And no one […]
It’s always the same. In school they force you to work together with your classmates to create a presentation or something. But the word “together” is totally non-sense. Guess who always turned out to do all the work and receive no credit at all for it. The explanation is so simple that I am astonished even teachers don’t understand it: Just take a group with 3 people, grades A B and C+ or whatever. If A wants to retain his good grade he will have to do the work all alone, since neither B nor C- can do the work necessary to receive an A; […]
I am in my late twenties and feeling that there is no longer any hope. I been depressed since i was 16 and attemted only once. I seem to go through stages of being ok and relativley happy to the darkest place you can think of.
The last month i have been thinking about going on a daily basis the only think stopping me is the pain of going, some people might say you wouldnt care about that if you really want to do it, however no one wants to feel pain thats why i want the easiest way to do it.
I have massive debt, no […]
Hi…
this is probably gonna be stupid. I doubt anyone wants to hear my problems, but I guess I’ll tell you anyways..
Well. I’m 12, and I have a pretty good life. I have a loving mom , a nice sister , I see my dad regularly , my mom and him never got married . They still keep in touch tho. My life’s just average. We don’t have a lot of money tho. but we’re doing fine. , I also have a very amazing caring bestfriend.<3 , but I don't tell her entirely everything.. I told her that I've cut […]
I am a genderfluid, bisexual (stronger preference for girls), depressed as hell, self harming, masochistic person. The two H’s in life that equal some small degree of happiness are horses and hugs. I got a haircut two days ago that made me feel handsome for the first time ever. But the guy I like didn’t like the new style. Well, that shouldn’t matter but it does. I’m too dependant on others. I need to know if I’ve done something right and self loathe if something goes wrong…
I need a hug. A real one. Instead I cut and grin because my blood runs warm across my […]
Him. He’s been my best friend for 3 years. Honestly I think he’s my soulmate. Like you don’t have to be dating them to think that. Having a close friend (like him) can also make them your soulmate.
I told him about all ways I’ve hurt my self and we’ve been closer ever since. He’s so understanding about it. He didn’t judge me at all. He wants to help me get better.
I know I’ve hurt him though… I mean who wants to hear that their favorite girl is feeling/doing these things..
I’ve never realized how much he cares about me and how important I am […]
Sorry for all the posts today.. but i needed to write this down somewhere…
I’ve been having these slight and subtle flashbacks to who I was and how my character was before all this mess took over.. I can almost feel that person trying to lighten my spirits.. it has me in tears
Is it real? Or another hallucination.. I’m afraid to let it lead me. I don’t know if it’s the devil in disguise, waiting for me to let my guard down.
How did I even get to this… why did I ever come here? And when I’m not here, why am I this […]
Could someone please talk to me? I haven’t been myself in awhile now and I don’t know what to do. I suffer from a form of depression that destroys my relationships with family and friends. I am sad. Always. I bring people down when I try to talk to them about my sadness. They have family and friends and children and they are happy. Then I come along and tell them how sad I am. They try to entertain me but after awhile they don’t want to hear it. My parents call me selfish when I tell them I’m thinking about suicide. They tell me […]
I quit my job and moved across the country so that I could afford living without a job while I apply to grad programs. At the same time as studying for the GRE, I got engaged to be married. You’d think it would be a really exciting time in my life, but the same two months I was going to use for improving my GRE score ended up being dedicated to wedding planning. Wedding planning was a nightmare, I felt extremely depressed, and then I would beat myself up for feeling depressed during a time I was supposed to be happy. Oh yeah, I forgot […]
Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh i’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl i am, it isn’t me …
Nobody has a clue. I smile, i laugh, i put on such a huge front but inside i’m empty. I’m struggling to survive. Not only emotionally but physically too. I can’t even afford to buy food. Most days i go home and sit and watch tv and don’t eat. I eat once a day. I’m slowly fading away and people say “you’ve lost weight, you looking so good” but actually it’s not by choice. Tomorrow is my […]
I am sick of crying every day! big people don’t cry, right? Sick of it !!! Tired of all the BS. I really want to go on with my life I really do but something is always at the heart, major issue!!!! I have thought about suicide since I was a child and being molested by both parents….took my virginity…thanks Dad. I know, no one wants to hear about sexual & mental abuse, too uncomfortable, oh well, its out there every day !!!! The stats are highly under reported and disgusting. I moved to this apartment because there is a garage and that is a really […]
Even the dog wants me gone. I heard growling last night & found her staring right at me through the window & growling! Plus every time she sees me she cowers, like I’m gonna hit her. I haven’t done anything except block her escape holes.
The friend has now moved in & I am reduced to staying downstairs, eating muesli bars for dinner, simply cos there’s not enough for me. Not enough food, not enough room.
Oh & those who are wondering, I managed to plead to stay for another few weeks. Not that I think it’ll do me any good.
Taking fate into ones own hands is either within the concepts of courage or fear. I feel courageous at this moment of my life, unafraid of the possible judgement that lay before me. Perhaps it’s because I’m oblivious to the actual torture and loss of mercy awaiting on the other side. I never intended for my life to unravel in the way it has. So much has transpired throughout the course of the years whilst being diagnosed and at a time when I’ve found true happiness, the true symptoms arise. They have all said to be strong and to keep on fighting and although my […]
Tired of disintegrating under the weight of my own fear of disintegration. Tired of watching everything I suffered so hard to build, crumble away, to slide back into the trauma I desperately want to distance myself from. Tired of the fear of disintegration, only to have it happen in actuality, and have all of my worst fears come true, for the x-teenth time: To relieve my worst experiences, those that caused me to be like this, over and over and over, in the context of current work relationships as I try to make my money and pay my rent, barely scraping by, wondering what I’m […]