I’m 5’7… so i’m too tall
My hair is shoulder length… so its too short
I hate wearing makeup… so im ugly
Ive had sex with 3 men…so im a whore
I’m pregnant…so im used
I let him beat me…so im weak
I beat him up because he beat me one time too many…so i’m a man
I cut myself…so i only want attention
I cry…so im dramatic
I’m popular and have no real friends…so im pathetic
I’m smart…so im a geek
I dont want another boyfriend…so nobody wants me
He’s had sex with me…so I belong to him
When I feel like this I rant here because, I dont have anyone else to turn to. And I guess people are trying to lift my spirit by saying you can be better and there’s hope and whatever. But the thing is I cant. Mostly because I dont want to. Also because I have tried and never succeeded. I dont want to be anything better than what I am right now: a worthless , disgusting whore. The only thing I want is death. And I dont want people ‘helping’ me and talking me out of it. Thats one of the main reasons I stopped seeing […]
No one knows how badly I wish I could be normal. I wish I didn’t have trouble with bullies. I wish everyone treated me the way I treat them. I am a very nice girl, probably the nicest you’ll ever meet. But all people see is someone who is different. Someone who sticks out because they aren’t skinny. I’m intelligent. A straight A student. I am nice to everyone, even people who bully me. I put others before myself and I hide my pain behind a smile. And these are the thoughts I have:
Just one more cut. It’s not like anyone notices.
If I died, who […]
I just feel I’m not worthy of living.
People who live should want to live. They should be happy and should want to accomplish things.
Ive posted about my lists before, that was not really a success. (understatement)
Since Im very chaotic, sigh, I lost my original lists. Which lead to a panic attack caus I cant stand losing things. So I made new ones. And it bothers me really much that I dont know what exactly was on the original lists.. but anyway I’ll just add the things I forgot now later.
I thought I could maybe share the lists this time.
Reasons to die:
I am selfish;
I am ugly. […]
So I’m only 14 and I wana die already.
Yeah ihave a boyfriend and friends but you know depression and everything has just been crazy latley. I hate my family and that’s the main reason why I’ve been raped by one of my brothers beeatenn starved anything I’ve been thru it you think your life is hard walk a mile in mine and see how you feek see how it feels to be made fun of and laightex at how it feels to be called fake and a whore a ***** walk a mile in my shoes than judge me for who I am but […]
I never understood why I would one minute be unbelievably happy and the next minute be crying for no apparent reason..
It all started on a Monday after school, which is another reason life had been unbearable. No matter where I went I was the school whore..or at least the freshman whore. But back to that Monday night, my cousin who’s also my best friend was over spending the night. We were picking out clothes to wear for the next day at school. Then my mom came home, she was obviously stressed and started yelling at me. Next thing I know we’re screaming bloody murder […]
I never understood why I would one minute be unbelievably happy and the next minute be crying for no apparent reason..
It all started on a Monday after school, which is another reason life had been unbearable. No matter where I went I was the school whore..or at least the freshman whore. But back to that Monday night, my cousin who’s also my best friend was over spending the night. We were picking out clothes to wear for the next day at school. Then my mom came home, she was obviously stressed and started yelling at me. Next thing I know we’re screaming bloody murder […]
I hate who I am. What I have become. I see nothing worth saving.
I am lazy. I am a whore. I am not worthy.
I don’t need anyone telling me that I am because If I don’t believe then those words are just a waste of energy.
If I could overdose without risking it not working I would. I’m so tired.
I tried to become a better person. To stop the things that make me hate myself so much.
I talked about this before but it’s starting to become a big problem again.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I’m so disgusted with myself and the situation.
I just made it to partner 32, yay for the whore!
I was doing so well, three months. No sex. I was so proud of myself. But then they came back. And because I’ve been avoiding instead of dealing with the problem directly I crumbled.
I did say no, I did move his hand when he tried to touch me. I tried […]
Hey guyss! ive got something to tell you guys !!! 😀 you knoww true friends?? well i had one! she was called  Maude! one day she went to the princaple to tell on someone which was great because that dude was annoying everyone.. ANnyways!! when she told off him, some people started to hate maude and wanted to beat her up like hardcore! but i stood up for her! cause she was MY BEST FRIEND the girl that knew all my secrets and that was there or me to listen to me! i thought she wass a good friend.. i stood up for her while […]
i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body
what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly
screaming inside no words leave my lips
no! no never! my body he grips
it doesn’t count if you don’t say it
im crying now, it hurts
i want to tell him “go eat shit”
but my mouth still speaks no words
he keeps trying to give me something,
but its something i dont want
he says that it dont mean a thing
and makes me taste my ****.
oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?
im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?
so high, so drunk, so […]
I’m thinking of doing it tomorrow night. 1/21/12 is when I die. I wanted to do it on my birthday. That was three months ago. Should have then. Should’ve done it along time ago. I know some people work through worse pain then I have experienced. I feel hopeless. I used to feel sorry for myself. Realized that gets you nowhere. Thinking about just walking in front of a semi. If I jump just at the right moment I should die. I know that it’s selfish to do. Especially in that way. Can’t really find another way to do it. No car. Can’t find good […]
After 2 months I thought I got rid of the awful virus that is eating me alive but I shaved my pubic area and the warts came back with a vengance. I’m in constant pain. All I want to do is sleep to escape. In my dreams I am normal again; the girl in my dreams was not date raped by a scum bag, her innocence and her healthy body are intact. But when I wake up I am diseased, damaged goods. It doesn’t matter how attractive and fit I am because I am a disease carrier. I am destined to be alone for the […]
im 14 years old i just had my heart broken with a guy that abused me and even tho he did i still miss him and i feel heartbroken caus now he has a gf and it was one of my old friends i thought i had people there for me but i guess not all my girls left me caus he never let me go hangout with them i always had to be with him and him only i wasnt allowed talking to other guys and he break up my best guy friend i know i should hate him but i dont……i have scars […]
I can say alot about myself. I could tell you i’m happy and have wonderful days with wonderful people and everything’s going just wonderful. But that would be a lie. I’m not happy. Things and people aren’t wonderful. This isn’t a movie where the hopeless maiden gets saved by prince charming or something. No. That never happens and whoever told you that needs to get smacked in the face. At 6, i was mallested for 2 straight years. At 10, i was overweight. At 12/13, i had an eating disorder. At 14, i gave up my everything to a boy who never cared a thing […]
It’s been so long.
Yet here I am, back where I started.
I can’t believe that a person could say this to me, with the knowledge that my brother is austistic…
“Respecting retards isn’t respectful. putting them out of their misery and doing them a favor, however… is.”
With that one sentence; that person has hurt me in every way possible.
He could have called me every name in the book: whore, dyke, ****, slut, *****, etc. and I wouldn’t have cared.
But having the balls to say that to me…to my brother…someone he doesn’t know….
How could someone say that?
How can they sleep at night knowing that by saying that they […]
Hello all, first apologizies for any typos, as am writing on my ipod. Anyway, well, I guess what brought me to this site is how sad and hopeless i feel. I’ve been struggling with depression since the age of 5; that was when I first had suicidal thoughts. My parents neglected meto the point of abandonment. After my father severely abused me, my mom and siblings we fled to my grandmother’s care. We were better but still faced poverty, hunger and chaos; along with my grandma lived my gangbanger cousin who brought drugs, sex and violence into our home and a schitzophrenic uncle who was […]
I’ve never sought help like this, nor looked for it. I’m bored and finished watching a movie(The Wackness). If you have seen this movie, i can relate to that kid and his heartbreak. I’ve only suffered one heartbreak, and it has nothing to do with where I am at(level of depression). That being said, I’ve done far much more damage to others. Not saying I’m a whore of sorts, just having issues with this backlash of reality.
OK, lets shorten this up so I have a chance to capture someone who can relate or pretend to relate. I was the happiest fat man in the world. […]
I’m not perfect and I’m the first one to say that. I cry when people don’t look and I always end up falling in love with people only to be told in a mild sense that I don’t deserve them. It’s always the same. Yes I am 23 and I have never been kissed by a guy or told that they love me or anything because everytime I try to get close to them. I get talked badly about like I AM NOT supposed to love anyone ever. I’m a *****, I’m a whore skank slut whatever. In a way I’m at fault. I lock […]
With a heartbeat
dragged screaming from my rest
They cut me short.
Im a God whore now
Hiding under desks to hide away from people.
Whats with this Shyness
No dont do that
No Dont think that
Its Gods Will
Its wrong
Its Evil
They Laugh
They are Happy
Have Friends
They all going to hell
What is this wall
I can see you
What is wrong with me
Where is your sense of pride boy
Happy moments
Sad sack
There are people I love so much
And […]
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