I was talking to my mother on the phone and she was yelling (this is hardly the first time and it’s not even a huge deal) and I just completely lost it, I started sobbing right there. I couldn’t even keep quiet and she noticed and asked why I was crying, and to make it worse I’m pretty sure my grandparents might have heard me too. I kept trying to put a hand over my mouth to not make noise but then my nose made noise when I gasped, and then I just pinched it too, which finally made me quiet but then I couldn’t breathe […]
Tag:
worst
Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.. I have a good job, good car, people who care about me. But I’m still not happy! And never have been. How pathetic is that? There are homeless people, children starving in Africa, someone dying of cancer right now begging for just another day. And here I am wishing I was never given this “gift” of life, I don’t see the point in it. I often think about suicide, and the only reason I don’t do it is because of my brothers, I don’t want them to feel pain. Idk if that’s selfish or selfless.
Anyways, […]
I’m so depressed it’s unreal and to make thing worst my poor mum is doing my part my depression and anxiety is so bad I hardly leave the house so when the kids come round my mum takes them to school in the morning I feel so bad I want to kil myself if I was dead and my mum was doing them things it would be ok but I’m alive and can’t do it so it makes me feel more useless then I already am
During the week I work, I workout, I’m busy doing stuff. I have no time to let my mind interfere. The weekends are the worst. I get lonely and depressed. Yesterday I was such a mess. I feel like nothing satiates me. I loathe weekends. I do nothing except ponder why I exist and wait for each moment to pass so I can go to sleep. But today I feel better. Distractions are amazing. To not be able to think… It’s wonderful.
so last night I was having a conversation with my mum and one thing lead the the other and I basically said I wanted to die I explained how I feel like iv lived enough already and I can’t take no more I haven’t planned on killing my self yet but now I feel worst because she worrying about me I told her not to worry about me and she started crying saying what would become of her she knows I’m in pain but still wants me to tough it out but I’m not as strong as she thinks I am I’m passed breaking point […]
is anyone else fascinated by death? I know it’s odd but I’ve never really been afraid of death. I mean, if someone swung a club at my head I’d duck on instinct, but when I think about death I’m just really curious. I would want to avoid pain and obviously there would be consequences, but I’m still fascinated. I’d love to see if I could make a good plan and carry it out effectively, I’d love to experience how it happens, I’d love to know if there’s an afterlife and what it’s like, or if there’s just nothing and I stop existing (not that I’d […]
I should never have been born. No one deserves to have to put up with me. I ruin everything and I’m so, so sorry. I can’t wait to be able to die; I’ll ruin more things but at least then I won’t have to be aware of it anymore.
The worst feeling in the world is to hear the person you love most trying not to cry and knowing it’s your fault. I wish dearly I’d never been born and I think soon I’ll fix that error.
iv been depressed and in the darkness for so long living a normal life seems scary not to say I will be normal but what is normal always ? Beging depressed and suicidal its just about making it though another day without slicing you throat or swollowing a bunch of pills that’s a battle on its own now life on the other hand finding/getting a job you don’t hate paying bills so you don’t get kicked out made homeless then you feel like an out cast if you don’t have what’s in fashion phone cloths etc but u no u should compare your self to […]
At this point I’m trying to find a way of telling my mum I want to leave I can’t take it no more I guess I found the love of my life and I sabotaged the relationship by cheating on her I didn’t want my kids to come from a broken home now they have iv become everything I feared why do men cheat ? Why do we get tempted so easily? just the thought of her loving someone else is killing me let alone another person raising my kids the emotional pain is far worst then the psychical pain love really dose hurt I’m […]
Its writing here, on Suicide Project, waiting for someone to be out there.
But no one is.
And its like all you feel is the worst kind of loneliness……..
I guess I’m just trying to wind up the courage to try again had enough of this bull shit anyways being depressed anxious ain’t left the house in days struggle to get out of bed this isn’t life for a 26 year old I would rather be dead I no people have worst lives then I do but iv just mad a mess of things that can’t be fixed and the loneliness is to much to bare anymore hope I get the courage soon
I have college tomorrow. I can’t go. I need to figure out a way to stay off. My mum will most likely yell and still send me in. Still, I need to try. The hard part is thinking of a way to put his into words. Most of the time I point blank refuse to leave my room without an explanation until 3/4 hours later. I doubt I’ll be able to do that this time round.
The voices and Angels have been bad all day, and the shadow people have been constant. I managed to get through last night with minimal injuries, so I haven’t mentioned […]
– “I’ll kill myself. I’ll kill myself i’ll kill myself i’ll kill mmyself and soon.”
-“I’ll call the police on you
Dont even think about trying.”
———-
Last night I had written to a friend (a used-to-be-friend.), saying I’d kill myself and soon.
Today, I had received the response above:“I’ll call the police on you.”
…Thanks, I appreciate the scare I received that rose up as I had read it.
—
Why did I admit it? It was because of a spark; an anxiety attack that led me fearful and alone to the point of solely being capable of admitting it. It was because I needed someone then. It was at the […]
My days are usually awful.
Today is one of those days.
Can anybody hear me? It doesn’t seem like it. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares. I need someone.
My friends don’t understand being diagnosed with depression. They dismiss the fact that I’m on medication and just tell me to “snap out of it” and “stop being so sad” and “choose to be more positive.”
Are you kidding me?
Every day is a struggle. Every day I just want to disappear.
The worst part is that everyone thinks that just because I don’t have anything really wrong in my life, I cannot be depressed. But that’s not how it works. Depression […]
Still dealing with anxiety, schizophrenia, depression..I met someone. Who promised fight until I get better. Who promised to stay with me even on my worst days. It’s been 5 months and surprisingly he still with me.. but I’m scared of losing him. He’ll get tired of me, my breakdowns are because of him. Because I just think of the day he’ll leave me, I feel so stupid but I just can’t help it.. how am I supposed to deal with this without hurting him? It’s been hard for me. I think about him day and night, but, I also think about killing myself day and night. […]
People say that indifference is evil. I agree with this. However, people also claim that the planet is not evil, or good, but indifferent. It is argued that this is a beautiful thing- no reason to be upset about it. This argument has no logical consistency. This seems to be the hallmark of the healthy person, from what I’ve observed- this ability to lie to yourself, to change the facts to fit your opinion, to make the world make more sense to you, so you can keep swimming through all this shit, so you don’t really give a fuck about children dying in other countries, […]
I’m so sick of trying to live. I will never be okay. People keep asking what am I going to do with my life, why don’t you motivate yourself, why not do what makes you happy- Nothing makes me happy I just want to throw my body off a bridge. I find it so weird how most people just expect you to want to be alive, I don’t understand how anyone wants to live through all this garbage.
I don’t want to keep trying, I don’t want to be motivated, I don’t want to get to the “good” part where I have a wife and […]
This last week I was trying to be positive and for a few days I even convinced myself I was geting somewhere, forcing things, denying I was going through the wrong way. But I can’t help hurting myself. I always end up doing it. I turn everything against me and then I crush myself with every drop of energy I have. I can’t deal with me, with the things I say, and the decisions I take. I even hurt myself writing here things I shouldn’t. and talking to people about how ridiculous I am, and I say it as a matter of a fact and […]
So here is another part of my story. I was a virgin until a year ago. I had never have a bf or kissed a guy or even touch one in a close way. But some people told me I should try sleeping with someone to at least know how it felt. Because I am an old woman and so. and i thought I shouldn’t die without at least kissing someone. It sounds stupid as I write it.
So I followed suite as my brother was on tinder and I opened a profile there. I don’t know where people get to know other people but i […]
Everyones still playing me like im fucking stupid and i dont know anything about it. My mom thinks having a job is going to keep me from being depressed. No, sorry its not that simple. Im starting to hate these people more then i did before. I cant wait untill im gone. Everyone gets a free day to talk shit about me, and they act like i dont know where there going. I dont understand why do the people who are the closest to you, and who are supposed to love you have to be the same people who make you feel the worst about […]