Suicide (:
May 2011
Feeling really lost today. I’m kinda just realizing that life isn’t worth it, I’ve always felt this strange impact of wanting to die, over and over. its never really been this way before
My eyes have run out of tears, or maybe I’ve outgrown them. I can’t wait until I die, thats all I know. Lets hope this summer will be one not to forget anytime soon…
so i just text amanda (my gf) asking if she even wanted to talk to me anymore cus she never does and that i guess if she wants to tallk then get to me over facebook cus im turning off my phone . . . so far nothing and i feel like i want to cry and actualy am a bit . . .now dont think me the crazy gf cus
this is how the last convo went
me:hello dear
her:hi
me:whatcha up to today?
no reply after that that was 2 days ago i havent text back since not even to say night i love […]
Today was the last day of school. Â I’m officially done with 10th grade. Â That means I’ve got at least two more years of being completely fucking lonely and having to feel like I’m repulsive and hideous. Â At least I’ve got a three month break from having to see pretty girls who don’t give a fuck about my existence. Â I just wish I wasn’t such an ugly fuck, then maybe at least one girl could give me a pity date, but I can’t even get that now can I? Â Fuck. Â I wish I were dead. Â I wish I could just get away from all of this. […]
Don’t read this if you hate things that waste your time.
Sorry for wasting space as well
Everything’s my fault. I blame me for everything that goes wrong. Maybe I can fix it by ending everything. I just don’t want to fail again. I’m tired of my failures.
Blank stares within the rain, if only you endured my pain. You shall know how much i love you. Despite my feelings of blue.
“Get over it†they say, staring right through me
“Talk it out†she says, holding my hand
He pulls back “to set me freeâ€
So I’m drifting like cold sand
Sitting in my room, staring out the window
Razor in my hand, blinking through the tears
Waiting for the world to slow
Stumbling through my fears
And the whispers…wrap me up
And my stories…screaming to be heard
But now I know my time is up
And I’m streaming out the words
Please make room for us inside your heart
They think they know me well, but that’s not the truth
They don’t know, it’s ripping me apart
So I hold myself aloof
Holding back the screams tearing up my soul
Keeping up […]
as i was walking to my mailbox i found myself marching to my own beat. nothing but warm cracked gravel beneath my feet. i found myself smiling as the breeze brought movement to my lifeless hair. im still waking with no emotion on my face but a blank stare. the soil beneath the earth in which i was given birth. i long for a taste of the blistering sun wondering how hot the burn would be when im all done. i can feel it in my chest. the urge to keep walking and talking to myself. you know its out there but it hides in […]
I drag you along like a lost weight from my jail cell. Your evil and as cold as stone. I drag you around to all my classes, to every meal I eat, every breath I take, and when I think I can get a good nights sleep, and a rest from you; you show up. You twist my dream into a nightmare of you. When I finally give up and admit there is nothing else you can possibly do to hurt me, I wake up and see you standing above me; looking at me with your twisted smile.
I find myself looking in a mirror.
Yes mom.
It is all my fault.
Everything is absolutely all my fault.
Nothing,
But my fault
But you wanna know the sad part?
I’m actually starting to fucking beleive that it is all my fault.
It’s all your fault mom.
The reason why I cut.
The reason why I cry.
The reason why I scream into my pillow everynight.
It’s all your fault mom.
You push me to the edge — you push me over.
Just when it gets good.
Just when I think everything is going to be different.
You yell! You hit! You hurt — me.
So yes,
I’m selfish. I’m dumb. I’m failure. — You won!
I’m Done!
The prison of mirrors… we can’t see,
Yet trapped we are… by its reflection,
It sees all fear and watches our downfall,
It will rip all lies and pride from the soul.
You are all… all that you hate,
Force fed memories, suffer humiliation,
Victim of darkness, of the inner hidden kind,
I am the eye within the gleam,
Shatter before a mirror that stares into (a shallow soul).
Poison yourself… revel in waste,
Poison yourself, in the name of evil… destroy yourself.
I will always be the reason to hate your self,
Mirrors… will oppress your mind,
And follow all… all that you hide,
Blind, step inside […]
Do you ever feel like you are completely worthless? I do.
Do you ever think how much easier the world would be if you weren’t in it? I do.
Ever day i cut myself. It feels amazing. Like all the stress in my life is just released.
I live with a shadow- heavy on my shoulders. I’m dragging every fucked up memory around. I keep looking for that moment that it will be taken away.
After every pointless day i feel death is the only answer.
I may be crazy but im done fighting. I want to just give up. I want to be realeased from all my pain.
I’m done.
im reallly fucking happy today. i chopped all my hair off. its like a new me. i keep smiling and dancing duidfeui im at a loss for words i just wann sing and dance and run barefoot through my yard
does anyone have any specific films or tv shows or music they watch that go with their feelings, or like how they would like things to be, like at the moment i’m watching frequency, which i like cause it makes me feel, maybe, just maybe, i could change the shit thats happened, and make things better.
She’s too beautiful for words.
She doesn’t believe the compliments.
She deserves better than some guy with a lip ring that treats her badly.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
You have the right to.. And you were put on this planet for a reason.
Please stay ok babe. :’)
Dedicated to Broken.
I’d like to believe that things are getting better but they aren’t. I’d like to believe that things will change but they simply won’t. I keep dreaming that I have friends and that people will actually want me for once. Instead I have people who pretend to like me because they don’t have a fricken back bone to admit they don’t like me. Or they just ignore me, like that’s any better.
I’m so fucking tired of pleasing people.
Put on a smile no one cares how you really feel. If you’re not happy you don’t belong. You know that quiet fat girl over there sitting by herself? She’s […]
what if tomorrow I woke up and I was loved … what if tomorrow I woke up and all this was just a terrible terrible nightmare …. what if my childhood was filled with toys and happiness, instead of bruises and fear …. what if I chose a husband who loved me, instead of one who fit my version of what life is … what if I had parents who weren’t addicts and who blame me for not taking care of them properly and who still still still are like a cancer in my life … What if …. Man, I would sleep for a […]
i’m always planning for the worst
i signed my will right after birth
i got my eulogy rehersed
Why cant i not be left alone? Why is my name being call out every five seconds? There is other people in the fucking house you know. I cant even sleep anymore without my name being call. Ugh im going to go insane. It makes me sad and mad to even have this name. Makes me less of a person and more of a slave.:/ I cant wait to kill myself so everything is left alone without me. At least i get to sleep for once. At least i could be left alone out of this world. v- v