I can’t do this anymore

Dear I Can’t —

Please be kinder to yourself. You are having what I think is an anorexia relapse and a depression. And your relationship is in trouble.

It’s like having a broken wrist and a busted femur and a broken ankle simultaneously. You’re in a lot of pain. So be gentle and patient with yourself.

Consider contacting a therapist or counselor — that will help you heal faster. Ask for some anti-depressants — medication will help with the self-criticism and repetitive negative thinking — many of your negative thoughts about yourself may not be accurate.

You actually seem quite intelligent, not stupid at all. And if you just lost fifteen pounds, you may not be fat, either.

Remember, in a depession, the brain is generally telling us negative things about ourselves, and often they are not accurate.

Don’t fret about the medium grade on the test — I took Anatomy and Physiology years ago — that’s a very hard course — getting a “C” in it is actually doing pretty well —

You don’t have to be perfect in life. The rest of us are not looking at you and expecting you to have a perfect body or a perfect mind or perfect grades.

We’re looking at you and hoping that you will be kind to us and become a doctor who can help us.

Turn the anger outwards — go for walks. Try and get your daily tasks done. Study.

With regard to your romance — talk to your therapist — get an outside perspective before you take any action on it —

And please consider eating again.

You are desperately needed as a doctor. Many physicians do not understand anorexia from the inside.

It is possible that you will save many anorexics’ lives, because you will understand them and offer them compassion from your own past suffering.

So focus on saving your own life and feeling better, so you can eventually help others.

Life is cyclical — eventually this cycle will end, and you will start feeling better.

As you get older, you will understand yourself better, and will have more control over your moods and your life. You can meet someone who will be a better romantic partner.

All kinds of positive things can happen.

I am nearly sixty, and I was in a pre-med curriculum and seriously depressed when I was your age. It is a very tough situation.

But I am very glad that I was unsuccessful in killing myself.

You may have a very noble mission in life, if you become a doctor or healthcare professional and help other anorexics. Or you may have some other life purpose which you have not discovered yet.

Be patient, and work on healing. Have faith in yourself and belief in your dreams.

Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)