To, What_Is_Love13,

 To what_Is_Love13, the time will come when we shall all become angels,

just dont go on your own yet, for you are not alone.

what is love? love is you,

love is when someone reaches out and touches you..

~

Laura Elisabeth Rhodes

1991 ~2004

Laura’s Last words.

“I waited for my mother to walk in. “Laura, I am sick of running up and down these stairs,
now get up.” I would look at her
“What is wrong now?” “My tummy hurts and I feel sick”.
“It is a girl’s thing now get up.”

I did, I got up, walked over to my door,
took off the school clothes,
I was a shocking size 24,
I just ate and ate, I didn’t care any more.

I shoved myself into it and went downstairs.
I put in my lunchbox and I felt my heart start to beat faster,
a gripping pain inside myself, but no, this wasn’t a special day, this was every day.

This had gone on for a few weeks now, I was fat, ugly
and worthless, Monday, rhhh, Monday,
technology, that wasn’t to bad, maths ugh,
I hope I got a chair in time, and English, oh well not to bad I guess.

There we were, outside the school,
people looking at this fat lump which
is myself but ohh well.

“Bye Dad, see you tonight.” I did not want to leave the car,
I wanted to die. I walked to the doors,
I walked down the corridor, here boys standing just before the stairs, legs out,
waiting to trip me up, how wonderful.

I managed to get through without making a
complete prat of myself,
I felt my fat wobble as I walked into the hall.

I hated it so much. I used to talk to myself in my head,
only thing that kept me ok to live.
I didn’t know what to say, so I did not
say anything and walked off.

Why were they doing this? Why me? I was fat.
Still a person,
it had gone on for six months now,
same thing every day.
I saw some boys laughing at the fact I was fat,
& possibly a ‘dyke.’
I wanted to cry so much, but I couldn’t,
I had on Friday, I can’t again.

Yes, I have told my parents, they thought I just didn’t like going to school,
anyone else heard that one? LOL.
So great, no-one believed me to start with,
I just hoped like they said “they will get bored”
while I got fatter and fatter and sadder and sadder.
Everyone got meaner and meaner.
Oh well, Maths,
I moved through the people trying to ignore the nasty comments
“Oh my God, look at the size on her!!”
I had this every morning, lunchtime,
and the end of the day, you get used to it.
I sat at my desk and got my books out,
everyone looking at me, I felt worthless.

“Right, carry on from last week’s work and we will go onto…” Her voice drifted from my mind,
I didn’t care about numbers, spelling,
or how many drops of acid you had inside you,
all I cared about was this gripping pain every day.
I got out my book and did my work,
some of my mind on my work, some on my aunty,
lovely lady, Rosemary,
she had just been told she had lung cancer,
made my bit of builling seem like nothing,
but it was, oh but it was.

Break, people flooding into the halls.
Running, pushing people over,
how much better could you get?
“Oi!! Outa the way fatty!” I just moved,
I wanted to close my eyes and it all to disappear.
Only ten minutes left, thank God,
I don’t think I can take much more,
I wanted to throw a sicky but I needed a new illness,
it was tummy ach last week,
I needed something new,
I didn’t even need to make myself feel sick,
they did it for me.
They never really believed me anyway,
they didn’t believe I was
being bullied or I was ill, LOL.

AT LAST! The final run, HOME.
I rush down the road, holding the tears back.
“Hiya, how was school?”
“Fine” I replyed. Didn’t seem any point in saying anything else did there? They didn’t listen.
“I’m going to the loo.”
I didn’t even enter the bathroom,
I went into the box room, (most people spare room)

I took out sissors, I knew what I was doing, maybe this would show them what they are doing.
I draged it over my wrists a few times,
the next few times pressing harder,
it felt really good.
It hurt, but I pressed harder, there was a mark,
a deep red one, what can I do?” ..

Yvonne and Michael Rhodes released the 1,500-
word letter after the funeral of their 13-year-old daughter
Laura in Margam, south Wales.
It was discovered after her death in a
Swansea hospital on 4 September.

Laura died after taking an overdose of tablets with a friend,
14-year-old Rebecca Ling, who survived

After Laura’s death,
her father revealed that he and his wife had been aware that their daughter
had written an open letter about her experiences
at the hands of bullies,
& had come across it in her belongings..

Laura described how she was hit by a girl,
but wrote: “It didn’t matter.
She was still someone to follow to escape the
Loneliness..”

==============================================

Thy lover’s Eye, so glazed and cold,
dares not entreat thy stay Duty and dereliction
guide thee back to solitude…

Away, away! to thy sad and silent home;
Pour bitter tears on its desolated hearth;

Watch the dim shades as like ghosts they go and come,
And complicate strange webs of melancholy mirth.

The leaves of wasted autumn woods
shall float around thine head,..

The blooms of dewy Spring shall gleam
beneath thy feet: But thy soul or this world
must fade in the frost that binds the dead…

Ere midnight’s frown and morning’s smile, ere thou and peace,
may  Meet…