Hi .(I mind stuttered typing this. I’m kind of nervous.)
I’m 15 years old almost 16 . I’ve been dealing with this for a few years . I’m scared to talk about it to anyone . I mean I have a loving parents , I mean the world to them ! They do so mch for them , and I love them sooo much . I’ve never been hit by them . I used to get bullied alot in joinor high he’ll I still do ! But I don’t give a crap what they say . Well now . I’m just comin to terms with it . It was never really them who brought me down . I’ve tried to run away only once , I was 7 or 8 then . My sisterwas screaming at me like usual , she hit me so I tried to run way . She just yelled “good run away ! And come back you worthless shit! ” my dad found me . I never told my parents about what she did . She doesn’t anymore but she moved out two months ago . I haven’t talked to her since . But I felt bad for her . Here boyfriend beat her up and alway made her feel like crap . He’s finally back in jail . That stupid crack addicted loser ! I have normal family issues . I’ve never really been in fight with my patents . They haven’t hit me . I fought lots in junior high but fighting was normal to me . Although i don’t anymore . It’s been getting alot worse since I was 10 . My sister got angrier after my grandpa died . He died e few months after my friend was killed by a car . I didn’t know how I felt then I was dumbfounded I ne’er understood what death was. When I was 11 I started dating this guy(I know I was young) and he hit me alot . But I never thought anything of it . It doesn’t really bother me . When I was 12 I started smoking . 13 I had a half of my school hating me because j stood up for my friend who later stabbed me in the back . When I was 14 I was at a party and my friend overdosed . She almost died . But didn’t that time . Around the middle of the year . Her mom called . I never went to her funeral though . I guess you could sat she’s another notch on my stomach . I do cut my self when things go bad . I don’t want , I never did . I just didn’t know how to cope . I attempted sucide twice now . I dont get why though . Like yeah all that shiits happened . That’s just the deaths . There’s alot more . I just don’t like talking about that . Idk . I guess I’m just fucked up . It’s probably just in my head . I’m sorry .
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2 comments
Wow you are in a very toxic situation. I hope you can manage to separate yourself from the bad and find the good. I think what you really need is a healthy role model. All these toxic people in your life are only hurting you. You must make a decision for yourself. You are not “what happened to me†you are “what I choose to becomeâ€. You’re not screwed up, you’re probably more normal than you think. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up. But don’t punish yourself. Learn from it. You’ll bounce back eventually. You’ll make up for it. Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future. Believe that these lessons have made you a better person, not a bitter person. Remember that no matter how dirty your past is, your future is still spotless. You are young and still have time to turn things around. I know that life is rough but remember that the greater part of your happiness or misery depends on your disposition and not upon your circumstances.
its not just in ur head, these are real problems u are dealing with. i was also bullied while in school. i never talked about my problems to anyone either. I’m sorry to hear about ur grandpa, and friend dying. i lost my grandpa as well. those friends who later turned on u seem like jerks. i know u don’t really like talking about ur problems but if u ever want to e-mail me u can at danielle16yeah@gmail.com. take care.