Well, I was supposed to die exactly a year and two months ago. Ever since, I feel like I have been in a rut. I don’t know what to do. I’m 14 year old girl. I do have a boyfriend that I love and talk about all the time because I love him so much. I just can’t get out of this rut. I know he is scared for me in more ways than one. First, I can’t help it but I cut myself. Second, I am so depressed and I can’t open up to people that easily so I have a hard time telling him about things like that. Third, this is probably the scariest thing out of all of them. For the past four months I have thought that I have cancer, and I still think this. I have so many symptoms and I’m always in pain. John, my boyfriend, my best friends Katelyn and Lexi, both think that I need to go to the hospital. But so far, I have refused. I grew up in a hospital and I finally escaped the walls of one. I don’t want to have to go back. Plus, now I think my kidneys are shutting down because my urine is turning a shade of brown. My back is killing me. So when my kidneys go, I hope they can’t save me so I can finally leave this hell known as Earth. I hate my life besides John, Katelyn, and Lexi. Them and music are the only reasons why I’m still here. I love them and hate myself. Please help me!!!! I really want to read comments on this. I love all you guys :'(
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Such a hard age… I remember. You have so much life ahead of you, and I know you can’t see it. Things become really different when you become an adult. Some things get harder, but some things get better. I hope you at least go to a doctor, if for nothing else then to calm your boyfriend and friends’ fears. I don’t know you, but I am sure you have so much to offer. Your life hasn’t even begun. I hope you don’t take from the world the possiblities that your life holds.