My life sucks!!!! I go to this school were I go in twice a day and I have no friends. I always spend my time either at home or school. I have no social life. My mom is married to an asshole. My mom is pregnant and they dont even notice when im gone. Whenever my mom fights with her husband he always ends up hurting her. I wish I could help her but what happens I get yelled at. My other family live in Oregon, Montana, and Mexico. I never see them I miss them so much. No one even notices me. I just feel so alone. I act as if nothing is wrong, I smile and pretend to laugh. I am dying inside, I cry when no one is around I hurt mysf . I have been cutting since last november. I think about killing myself but im such a coward, I cant for some reason, but last week when I almost got ran over I just stood there I didnt want to move. I cant do anything right not even kill myself.
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Hello allalone15,
Is this your first time here on SP? Just wanted you to know that I read your post…and although I do understand…I just can’t relate. You see…I am probably old enough to be your grandmother..haha It may take some time for others to come around…but there are many here with similiar issues and that are more your age. I am not discriminating…this is not Youthism….it’s probably just safer for you…haha
Ever wonder if it’s your life that is the problem…ie. issues with mom, step-ass etc…or does it feel more like something inside of you is missing? I know it sounds like a stoopid question…but it’s not. I’ll be around if you want to talk…until you find your peers here…but just hang on. No decisions have to be made today.
Peace
Amakua
Hi yes this is my first time on here. I just always feel like im not supposed to be here, like I have no place here. I just feel emptiness inside. You are probably the first adult who hasnt yelled at me for talking like this so thank you.
– miranda
Hey Allalone15, I get ya. Like I said…I’m old…and my Mom still yells at me sometimes…she gets frustrated. I have just learned not to take it personally. She thinks she can bully me into being okay…haha…you should read my post called “Parents are Fucked”…and it will save me a whole lot of explaining.
What you are experiencing is somewhat “normal” during some of life’s biggest transitions. But keep in mind…although your feelings are valid(a symptom of your confusion perhaps)…they are just feelings. The only feelings that can really hurt you…are your own. So the key to getting through this…imo only…is to try to focus more on the positives no matter how small and work through your fears. If you are so far into a severe depressive episode that you are considering harming yourself…then you need professional help and a support system of like minded individuals…because you won’t constantly feel like this forever…unless you make your own reality even more difficult by lashing out at yourself and others.
Lecture over…..hahaha….welcome to SP Miranda…not sure I would use your own name love…but your choice…it is a pretty name for sure…much better than your user name eh? If you have any questions about how things work around here…just ask anyone. Also feel free to read other posts…comment if you feel inspired to do so or feel you have something to add…and keep your chin up…the cavalry will come if you blow your bugle. Or feel free to make another post to further explain your particular issue or situation…or just because. And know that you are more than welcome here…we’re kinda all in this together.
Peace and Love
Amakua
ps…do you know what apathy is?
I will definitly read it. I already have been self harming mostly cutting but when I think about suicide I cant do it for some reason. Thank you for the advice. Yes I do know what apathy means why?
Why? I really have no idea…haha Just kinda stuck in my head. I for one am glad you “can’t do it for some reason”. I also know how angry that can make you…erm frustrated…like…”I can’t even do that right”. But know that if you keep putting one foot in front of the other…while remembering to breathe…yes all at the same time…haha…and keep your eyes and ears open…you will find your answers…it will get better.
Random suggestion…and remember I am old..haha…but I find if I overcome a fear or accomplish something I thought I couldn’t do…it gives me the motivation to move forward instead of getting stuck in the fear. So for instance…I had a phobia about horses…absolutely terrified…so I ended up with a job offer that involved horses…and I took it. I often say…”what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”..and oh yeah…”if the men in the white coats don’t get me this time…they’ll never have a better chance.” I attempted suicide for the first time before I was 4 years old…I have spent a lifetime trying to get out of here since then…only to find out…I actually finally want to stay here. Now the things I was afraid of…are precious…like time and possibility. Long story short…try something new…get past an old fear…learn to play the harmonica…but don’t get stuck in the fear of the future…it’s kinda cool here.
Peace
Amakua
what Amakua2309 said.