my own world is a huge deserted land where only
emptiness and fear live,and i’am just an explorer
who travel in this world looking for the meaning
of many words like life and happiness,just searching
in vain.
inside this huge land of mine,my only friend is loneliness
and it’s the only thing that made me remain sane,inside
of my fortress i can pour my heart out to the dark walls
that surround me.
i don’t need another soul to help me or save me from this
imaginary prison,because i’m the one who choosed to be
a prisonner a captive of my own past,a hostage of […]
December 2012
I think I’ve had about all I can take, my way of life has been destroyed my dreams crushed my quality of life is going to suck forever.
I’ve been thinking about finally giving up alot lately, allready tried a couple times this year since I got really sick.
It makes me sad in a way I don’t really want to go but at the same time the pain I feel mentally and emotionally is so great its become unbearable.
I’m just hanging on by the skin of my teeth for friends and family and of course the little survival instinct left in my body helps.
I […]
to live everyday,i need to struggle and fight the urge to kill myself,to cancel the idea of suicide from my head,to believe that tomorrow will be a better day,to hope that i’ll be happy again,to have faith in God that he will save me from this hell that i live.
to live a word i always say,still clinging to it with despair,i wanted to be normal like everybody is,but unfortunately i’m just a mistake.
why should i hold into a life that make me sad?why should i struggle everyday to live?i feel sorry for myself,sorry for the people who knows about my existence, i feel sorry for […]
I want to know if trying to stop self harming for others and not yourself is an effective way to stop. Because right now it’s New Years and i am tipsy, alone and all i can think about is cutting myself, deep!
Please let me know what you think. Maybe you will persuade me?
Tonight’s the night, bus ticket in hand.
It’s funny I can already see my stop yet I’m still here thinking of everyone on this site. I guess i just wanted to say thank you to all of you for helping me through this horrible year and i wish everyone of you all the very best
Be Happy I WIll Be 🙂
I woke up a little earlier than normal today considering how late I went to sleep last night, I didn’t feel angry or frustrated today but I definitely felt how normally do during school which is like I won’t be able to think or work on anything because I’ve got so much going through my mind like a storm of nerves. I feel that every person with depression(maybe not all) can relate to the shame and the loneliness it brings, for me I’ve been wanting to be understood more than anything. I’ve felt very small and impressionable because I hear things like you should do […]
See these wrist, See these veins, See this blade, Now watch me bleed! You don’t know how hard it is for me not to cut my wrist again, I’m trying to survive this time, i need to live, but your making it hard for me not to do it. I’m tired of all your lies and bullshit! Your sweet to just get in a girls pants, well just go find your self some whores and you’ll be better off. bc i’m not gunna wait around for you to see that i would be better for you then a whore, but you would like to go […]
Um, hi. I suppose I should just go ahead since this is what this site is for. I feel like my depression is constantly worsening. Life keeps looking less and less appealing and I’m not sure what to feel. I’d like very much to die. I’ve actually resolved to end it when I’m 35 or so.  That way my family won’t have completely wasted their money and maybe I can find something to interest me. I have no interest in starting a family, but as stupid as it sounds I adore the idea of finding a woman that I love. Unfortunately, that conflicts with my […]
I locked myself in my room for tree days now without food and water. I’ve been crying and thinking for these past 3 days. I locked myself because I got into a fight and mostly because I’m done. I’m done with everyone. Nobody understands me, I ask for help nobody gives me help. Everybody tells me the same thing everyday. My parents thinks i’m going through that teenage stage but actually its more then that. I’m sick of everyone.
I wish i wasn’t caught from those 3 times a tried to kill myself. I wish I was the one who died instead of my best friend […]
As I put you in a little box of lost dreams and lost loves. I do it with a heavy heart. I don’t want to put you in the box. You are the only one that does not deserve to be in there. But I must so I will not love again. You take all the love I had and pull it in with you. I wish that you were in my heart instead. But I must put you in the box of broken dreams.
Ugh, God. The past few months have been hell, even with all of the nice comments people’ve put on my posts. I’m stressed out beyond belief, I haven’t slept in 3 days, literally. I haven’t eaten in… fuck, I can’t remember the last time I ate. My dad’s threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, he’s yelled and screamed at me, telling me I’m not good enough. My grades, as hard as I’ve tried, have plummeted. From A’s and B’s last year, to C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. My girlfriend is possibly going to prison, and I could go too. My best […]
If you have the time I’d appreciate your thoughts on the following extracts by writer Matthew Parris:
“When I die, and if I have to arrange it myself, I will consult nobody, and do it unassisted if I can. I entertain not a flicker of moral or practical doubt on the subject, and never have. Speaking only for myself — in such matters one should never judge for others — if Nature does not do the job in a timely manner I shall consider it a duty to take matters into my own hands.
I can’t tell you how simple I find these arguments: so simple […]
“Love breeds sacrifice, which breeds hatred. Then you can know pain”
Hesitate; left behind.  A step back is a step outside.  Goodnight, wherever you are.
i may be abused. but all i wanna do know is hurt myself more and more. for the past week my best friend and i have been fighting constantly. over stupid issues really..thing is now were kinda sorta talking nicer but i cant trust him now. im fucked over now thinking were ganna get in another argument..weve been best friends for 7 months now and this is the first time ever we have argued (or at least this much) now when were having fun and laughing i feel guilty. cuz we shouldnt fight. hes been there since day one and has never left me..hes the […]
People on tumblr and in life around me keep telling me to “Continue On” or “Stay Strong”. What’s the point in either of these expressions if one has already made the decision to just stop being here?
I’ve given it a lot of thought; am I actually continuing on with living or continuing on dying daily? Lately, I haven’t had the motivation to get out of bed. Two nights ago, I almost attempted suicide. Yet, instead of trying to listen to me and understand my situation, people tell me to be strong and to be happy. You can’t tell me to stop throwing up everything I […]
Recently I have been eating just like everyone else but making myself vomit after I have been doing this for the past week. I am developing bulimia… I can’t eat  now with out wanting or needing too throw up. I noticed tonight at dinner that I was starting off lightly on the food and towards the end I was stuffing my face and then going to the bathroom right after. This afternoon before lunch I stuffed my face with food and then throwing up shortly after. I haven’t been cutting but instead throwing up. I do not like how every time I eat all I […]
Suicide Poem
I don’t want to live, I’m ready to die, I reach for the blade and  let out a sigh. I’m sick of this world, I’m sick of it all, what would happen if I had a ‘Fall’ from a building or off a train track, would anyone actually want me back? If i Swallow these pills or fall down the stairs, I wonder if anyone actually cares. Don’t blame my family, it wasn’t their fault, my life was just ready to come to a hault. I know that I’m young, but I really don’t care, I sit on my bed with a lifeless stare. […]
It feels like I don’t even have a family. My parents argue and then end up ignoring each other for months. I’m so tired of it.. its been going on since I was about 11 and now I’m 19! If I had the money to move out, I would. But I have school to pay for and by living with them, I don’t have to worry about rent,food, and other stuff like that. My life sucks!!!! I hate it. I feel bad saying that because others have it way worse than me but that’s how I truly feel. This house is not even a home.. […]
I thought it would all be better by now. But it’s not.
I thought things would change. But now I’m afraid they never will.
I’m alone and I think its ment to be this way. So I can disappear and no one will miss me.
I dont wan’t anyone anymore. I used to be afraid of being alone and feeling numb.
But it’s ment to be.
Just a little deeper and I’m finally gone.