Am I a bad person?

Been a little while. Hi everyone. Whenever I think about suicide (which has been happening more and more frequently) I always try to figure out why I want to die. The main thing I’ve decided that drives towards suicide is an increasing lack of interest in everything. It all sounds so dull and tedious. There are times when I just want to be alone and sleep, times when being dead and people leaving me alone sounds very enticing. That’s actually one of the more frequent desires I find myself having during my moments. I suppose the other thing I find interesting about death is rather childish. When I was little and my Mom still believed in god, I asked her what heaven was like. She told me it was a place where everything you wanted came true. I’ve long since stopped believing in that exact heaven as a likelihood, but what if there’s something interesting after death? Something to explore or have an adventure in, someplace I wouldn’t find so tedious. I’ve decide that there are two possibilities after death, someplace I can have an adventure or experience something exciting, or nothingness, just a place to finally close my eyes and rest without being bothered.  I suppose there’s also the threat of eternal hell fire and damnation, but at that point my problems would likely be null and void. What bothers me is that my desire to kill myself appears to stem from me being selfish, lazy, and self-entitled. I’m scared and uninterested in the world outside of high school, and there are times when I feel like I don’t really feel anything about the people around me. I’m scared, lost and pissed off. Will someone please tell me how to keep moving?