My name is Emily and this is my story. July 29,2011, 3 month anniversary with my boyfriend Ian. My best friends Mia, Maria, & planned to go to a Rangewide and meet our boyfriends there to hang out. We went, our boyfriends never showed up. No big deal, girl time. Well, the dance got boring and I told Mia and Maria I was gonna go hang out with Ian. I told them to call me later to meet up again. I got to my boyfriends house to find him very drunk, his brother had a party. I put him to bed and we cuddled and I tried to stay awake but ended up falling asleep. I woke up to 20+ missed calls and nasty messages from my “best friends” at 3 in the morning. They called around midnight and I never woke up. When I saw all those nasty messages calling me a slut, whore, and a bunch of other names. I felt horrible about myself and that I betrayed my friends. I woke up my boyfriend and told him what happened and he didn’t want me to leave at 3 in the morning cause my friends already went home. We ended up having sex and that is the night I lost my virginity. Young and stupid it was a horrible mistake and mostly done out of anger and resentment and my boyfriend was under the influence. The next morning I woke up, went to Mia’s house. Got my stuff off the porch, got bitched at by her mom and left. I stayed with Ian until later that day. The whole day I got tons of more nasty messages. I went on my Facebook to find Maria and Mia writing status’ saying I’m a slut for fucking my boyfriend.  My dad picked me up, he brought me to the fair and I met up with some other friends. While I was at the fair, I was still getting harassed. I was with my friend Rachel and she took me to meet her boyfriend and his friends. There was this one girl there that I bonded with right away. I told her what happened the night before and she was talking to me and being a really good friend even though I had only known her for a few minutes. Her name  is Angelica. Angelica and I that day decided fuck the haters and we walked around the fair screaming “Hey guys! I’m a slut cause I fucked my boyfriend!” Angelica from that day on has been my Slut Buddy and Best Friend. Leaving the fair with my dad that night he got a text message saying   ” You’re daughter is the worlds biggest  slut because she ditched us and fucked her boyfriend last night!” My dad was asking me about it and I lied to him and promised I never had sex with him. The bullying continued, for weeks. A couple weeks went by I started to move on, with no friends only relying on my boyfriend who I had hoped would be by my side forever. I got a text from a friends sister telling me that she heard that Maria and Mia had a plan to pretend to be friends with me and then they would take me down to the pit and beat me up to leave me to die. My mom heard about it and called the cops. The cops said it was only teenage drama and they’re was nothing they could do besides talk to them. They got calls and got questioned and warned about threats.  They still bullied me calling me a ***** for calling the cops when I had no choice, my mom did it. I started cutting my entire body, taking sleeping pills, drinking, smoking, and all the things no body would ever expect from me. I went in to deep depression and attempted suicide a few times. It never stopped. No body knew. My parents never found out, they never noticed a change in me. I knew how to put a smile on. Through the whole thing I had my boyfriend by my side. I put him through alot by being a slut. We lasted over a year and we finally broke up because of trust issues and we needed to work on ourselves before a relationship together. I started partying, and sleeping around, depressed even though I dumped him. I promised myself not to date this summer to work on my issues and to me, sleeping around was the best choice at the time. Late in the summer I started falling for a younger guy named Logan . I found out after a month of having a thing that he was planning on playing me with Maria, my ex best friend that threatened to kill me. I broke everything off with him and that night I started dating a young love from 6th grade. Of course, it’s me, it was out of anger again. My boyfriend Chase, violated probation and went back to jail. While he was gone Logan was harassing me, asking for a chance and making excuses to why he was gonna play me. He kept saying drugs were gonna take over my relationship and Chase isn’t good enough for me and I deserve better. I began feeling stupid and hating myself for letting myself get in a situation with a kid that had intentions to hurt me, and getting involved with a bad boy that gets in trouble. I was ashamed that Chase got busted because it was my job to help him stay clean and I failed him and myself because he fucked up. I hate myself. The whole time I’ve been living a big lie with everyone and everything. During the time Chase was gone, everyday me and Logan argued on why I wouldn’t give him a chance and I don’t trust him. Everyday Logan stressed me out and it brought back bad times with Ian and my insecurities. I started pill popping, and cutting all over again. While my boyfriends gone, working on himself which was most important, I was here miserable, lying again to everyone even him. I wrote him letter everyday and I lied about alot that I told him about Logan. I figured I didn’t want to stress him out so I never told him I was cutting or anything. I just covered it up and kept to myself. Logan was ruining my life! Near the time Chase was about to get out of treatment, I broke down and tried to make Logan promise he wouldn’t tell Chase about any of our fighting or my cutting and suicide attempts. I don’t want to hurt the only thing that cares about me. He’s trying to help himself in treatment and he needs my help and support. I didn’t want him to know I was struggling. Logan held it against me and said he was gonna tell Chase all of it and make him dump me. I begged and begged and he kept saying no. He wouldn’t keep our secret. I thought for sure Chase would dump me if Logan told him so I told him and we got over it and he said he would help me no matter what. Chase is my knight in shining armor and so far so good. I couldn’t be any happier with anyone else. He is 100 days sober today, with 1 small setback and he was honest and told me. I’m so proud of him and our relationship. Logan is in treatment and out of the picture. When he gets out that could be a whole new story. We won’t know until we get there. Everyday gets harder and nothing gets easier but we have to learn to deal with challenge. Some people learn alone and I need help sometimes. I pray for anyone who else has gone through a sort of thing like this. It’s hard to deal with everyday. I know how it feels. Every morning when I get dressed it’s a struggle to not crying seeing the scars knowing a they are from people that hurt me. Logan really hurt me and seeing fuck love carved into my arm everyday makes me think of him and how hard it is for me to function every day. I deserve more credit for myself then I give myself. Someday I hope to look at these scars and think I’m proud of myself for learning something. All my scars are a part of me now and someday I would like to accept them as a part of me. I’m only 15 and this only the beginning of my journey but I’ve got a lot of learning ahead of me. Everyday is a new day. <3