I wonder how death feels like. I wonder how death tastes like. Would it be as sweet as they say?
I wonder how it feels when my ears can no longer hear the sound of my heart beat, my eyes no longer searching for light. I wonder how it feels to not have all the bitter memories playing in my head on constant replay and replay and … It will all STOP!!! Me and everything that makes me who I am will just stop. The morning after I’ve stopped to exist would be just like any other morning that came before that.
March 2013
we are shaking
and shaking so hard
but dont loose the grip
its all we’ve got
they cant see the pain
we feel in our heart
its like heartache
and making us falling apart
but we won’t give up
we will be stronger now
we will fight together
till we see the light through the clouds
we all gave up
when it was so hard
but its time to show them
who we are
we were not weak
we still arent
it was just the […]
i dont know how can i love you
when im broken from inside
i dont know how can i show you love
when i never showed it wiseÂ
i dont know how can i feel your love
and call you mine
i dont know how can i give you all my love
when im so afraid to have you in my life
yes i remember the first time i was in love
i remember all those feeling with a significant touch
but i bleed and bleed so hard
why did you leave […]
yes we are not broken bur the fucking people around us are broken who keep judging us
please stop the fuck you are no worth it
just go somewhere and think of how much it hurts us how much it hurts when you all say you can understand but none of you can give the shit about us
you are suckers you are fuckers
we are better than you all
you say you can understand ah fuck you because you cannot so dont give a shit about what you cannot
don’t think you are so wise when you don;t even know the single drop of pain
I’m Pathetic.
To Care So Much For Someone That I Went Suicidal.
I’m A Attention Whore For Telling People How Hurt I Am Or That I Hurt Myself.
I’m Scared Of What I Might Become…
The Only Person The Kept Me Stable Told Me The Truth.
That I Already Knew…
It Hurt To Hear It From That One Person Though…
Everyone Leaves You…
And Sometimes You End Up Just Wanting To Be Your Own Friend; I Am My Own Friend.
Its Hurts To Hear Her Say Everything.
Cause Shes The Same Way…
And That Night I Almost Went Suicidal…
I Had The Pills On The […]
You ended the silence in my heart, and mind,
I saw love, when I thought I was all but blind,
You are why I stay, you mean so much to me,
I hold onto you, and you do to me, I can see,
You suffer when you shouldn’t, so I feel pain,
You don’t deserve it, but your strength wanes…
Without you, life is hard, and I feel weak,
But I stay, to see you, and hear you speak,
“I love you”, you will say, and I will too,
As I will wait forever, to just say that to you,
You are my strength, and my […]
I am a over thinker
Usually at night all of my problems run to my head and hit me like a freight train
I can’t do anything about it because everyone is asleep
I can’t cry because they will hear me
I can’t scream either
Literally all I can do is lay there all numb bottling up my thoughts
Later it leads to me over thinking things that arn’t even true
That my mind is just making up
And I’m believing it
I start to get fusturated, mad, sad, wanting to hurt someone
But instead I hurt myself
I grab the sharp edge and […]
Do me a favor. Right now, wherever you are, get up, look in a mirror, a window reflection, even a spoon would work! Just take a look at yourself. I don’t care if you’re about to drop from the rope, ready to fall asleep after you downed hundreds of whatever pill, or if you’re just sitting in bed silently killing yourself. Get up, look at yourself and smile. Ask yourself, do you remember them? Do you remember happy? Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes, I look at the stranger staring back at me and say “How do you know me?”
Tonight, I didn’t know the stranger. But the stranger […]
So, I haven’t been on here for a few months actually, I thought my life turned around, at first my life seemed worthwhile, but…. I’m back. and honestly, this time I have no idea why. I shouldn’t be as sad as I am right now, I’m graduating highschool in a few months, I have to get a grad dress and a date. I have to decide what I want to be career-wise, but before that, college/university.. I should be ecstatic about all this happening right now.
but I’m not. Don’t ask me why, cause I don’t have an answer for you. Once again, I just feel […]
I didn’t always live in a nightmare. I didn’t always have conversations with the voice in my head. I wasn’t always watched by disembodied shadows. I didn’t always hear tortured screams and maniacal laughter or my name in empty rooms. I used to be “happyâ€. “Happy†is an illusion created to hide all the pain, madness and fear. It was never real. But I used to experience that bliss, “Ignorance is bliss,†they say. That bliss is gone. I used to smile and laugh all the time. I used to think, or be thoughtful. Before the clouds, and locks. Before the black fog that covers […]
The light went out,
This path went dark.
I don’t know where I stand.
“Is there a chance, a fragment of light, at the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight….or are we ashes and wine??” Ashes and Wine, A fine Frenzy.
Why try anymore??
For years I’ve been afraid of fear. My main phobia is hands. How does an artist come to be so terrified of what she needs to use to create? And im not talking like an “ew, they’re creepy” fear, I mean full blown body shakes, nightmares, parinoia, the works.
and that’s only one of the endless list that i dont want to live.
There’s also heartache after constant heartbreak, the last one also the worst one, i just cant seem to recover from. Mainly because of the loss of my very first child.
There’s also having to choose between my parents, who divorced when […]
so when I was 9 I started getting bullied really badly I eventually only had two friends and that was that, all I had on my schedule was crying, being bullied, and crying. then when I was 10 i thought things were getting better but they just4 got worse, my grandma started dying and I loved her dearly. and i missed a few days of school cause i was at the hospital with her. people started to leave me alone a bit and I even started to get more friends. but that didn’t last long. in 5th grade this girl came to my school […]
I used to be suicidal too. But since 2 months ago, I have undergone a transition in my life. I am alive now. And I am really glad to share my experience to all of you who are in darkness right now.
This post is written with the sole hope to help you all, even just a bit.
Let me tell you what I did to live.
I write diary entries. Stupid, foolish entries. I wrote things which make me happy everyday. And some really useless stuffs also. “Today I drank coffee.” “Today I laughed.” “Today I am healthy.” “Today I played my favourite game.” ..etc. Trust me… […]
I want to do it. As soon as I can. The only problem is I don’t know how I should go. I’d like to go out with a bang but that’s not necessary. I just can’t fail. I need something that won’t go wrong and leave me living in pain and regret for the rest of my life. Can anyone help? You won’t be able to dissuade me from killing myself.
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]
A long time ago there was a girl.
She was happy and care free.
Then she woke up.
The children got meaner,
Her parents’ “constructive criticisim” got harder and harder.
His hand got higher and higher.
The secrets grew deeper and deeper.
She began to lose her smile.
Her laugh
Her voice.
She walks now. A prisoner in her own mind.
She’s nothing but a shell.
So long now its been, she cant even remember what its like to be happy.
She did everything to feel anything.
She became what her father always knew she would.
She clung to the razor to remind herself she’s alive.
She drank so she wouldn’t remember the night.
She took the drugs to numb the pain […]
Life is completely boring to me. After reading and seeing the exploits of fantasy life seems boring. I long for the days of old. To be a Samurai during a time of war would please me deeply. I wish something would happen to real life like in the movies. An alien invasion, some all powered god going berserk. However this will never happen for it’s just a fantasy. This mundane life is enough to make me want to end it. Of course I won’t because frankly I don’t want to be a burden to my family. I may not fully understand the emotion of love […]
she says will you love me forever
of course he says yes
but for the countless times
she seen this like all the rest
end in failure
cause people lie
for that she has yet to find
what should she do
she says
good but do you promise
no matter what he says
she will trust him
but he says yes
they end in a kiss
they are pulled together
and soon let go
apart
she locks her front door
and proceeds to her room
where her true love
awaits her
hello she says
nothing is said
because this is not a human
its a […]
I had a pretty good weekend and im staring to fell better. But the problem is everywhere I turn my past comes back to haunt me. Everyone around me is doin drugs and drinking, im finally trying to get clean but its hard. But ill keep soldiering on. I watched a documentry about suicide tonight and I dont think I could put my friends and family through that hurt. Though I might be in a better place the people I leave behind will have to deal with that grief for the rest of there life. Im so young I have a lifetime to live, I realized this […]