Death looks pretty attractive right now. The other night I went up into my attic looking for some guns my parents have been hiding. I fell through the attic and busted up my leg pretty good. Needless to say I feel even worse now. The last two days at work I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying. My supervisor gave me an extremely simple straight-forward assignment and I can’t do it. I can’t focus or concentrate on it. I’m stupid and worthless and lazy. I don’t deserve a good career. I don’t even deserve a bad career. I deserve no career. I fuck up the simplest things. Every job I’ve ever had I’ve given up or bullshat my way through it. I’m the stupidest person in my graduate program. I want to drop out but I’m already $20,000 in debt so I feel like I need to finish it. Or maybe I can just die that would be nice. My friends are douchebags who don’t respect me. I don’t like them and I don’t enjoy spending time with them. I fantasize about killing them and then killing myself. All the times that I’ve felt like I was going to be okay it’s because I’ve convinced myself that things were getting better. That has been the case 0% of the time, so basically the only time I don’t hate myself is when I’m lying to myself. It’s not even like I’m a teenager, I’m 25 years old and this hasn’t passed. I’m not passionate about anything, nothing motivates me. I don’t understand how everyone else does it. People act like if you can’t work 120 hour weeks with a goddamn fucking smarmy ass smile on your face the whole time you’re a fucking worthless dumbass. I want to check myself into the hospital but then I’d have to take all my classes over again by the time I get out. I’d rather die instead. My choices are basically become a failure-to-start twenty-something who sits at home all day mooching off his parents, or die. Because my degree isn’t going to be worth shit when I can’t find a job because I don’t know how to charm employers. I know so many stupid worthless pieces of human debris who stay employed because kissing ass comes naturally. I dunno what else to say but fucking kill me.
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2 comments
Hi Christ, you know ever day your alive you are improving on those skills that you are lacking in…. Life migth take you longer to get up the ladder but…. That doesent mean you have to get up there kissing ass…. But when you get up there I am sure your be better off with even is you don’t have a stable mind
Just pass those classes no matter what you must do. Things should improve after graduation and you’ll be so much better off with that degree whether you get a job in that field or not. It doesn’t matter if you excel at the classes. Just pass them. Just get through it. Thousands of people do it every year, many of them are not particularly intelligent either. Look at our politicians!