I’m just tired..

This is the first time i write about my suicidal thoughts on the internet..I have no financial problems, so financially speaking i have a life that many would want. I’m also still young, many people tell me that i have my whole life ahead of me and that i shouldnt be pessimistic..but i have never had the life i really want. I didnt have many friends untill recently, and that was only because we share a habit which is drinking and smoking pot..i have thought about taking my life for many years now, i was even seriously planning on doing it one time but i couldn’t bear the though of how my parents would be crushed by this and think it’s their fault while it’s not. But now after i failed in a relationship with the only girl i truely loved, i just can’t take this shit anymore..i know for sure that my first attempt will be on the day i hear about her getting married to another guy. I mean i can’t live knowing she is with another man…she was the person who always gave me hope, but now i have no hope or faith in anything.. My biggest wish now is to find a way that will look like a natural death, or an accident just so my parents won’t feel guilty about it.. I’m not looking for symapthy, i’m just looking for an answer that will either help me go on or end it all..in the end, i just wanna say that it’s everybody’s right to take their life if they see no other way..but seriously don’t do it unless you’re like me left with no hope whatsoever…